“…I don’t have to be perfect, but I don’t have to be homosexual either.”

Everything around me seems to be the same. But inside all has changed.

I was born and raised in a home where God was nonexistent. All I ever knew was alcoholism and its consequences. At a very early age I realized that something was wrong. I preferred to play with dolls instead of little cars like other boys. I preferred the comfort of playing house with the girls rather than the aggression of rude games boys used to play. This caused different reactions among my family. My brother used to call me names. He often referred to me as “sissy”. There were big fights between my mother and I. She always spanked me and pulled my ears telling me not to play with girls anymore. The only time she told me about God was when she said that He did not approve of my behavior. She said that everyone in my family was embarrassed because of me.

At school, everything was worse. Everybody used to make fun of me, even the teachers. There were times when classmates hit me, but I never defended myself. How I hated myself for being such a coward! I finally gave up. I was forbidden to talk to any girl by my mother, and so I did not. But I couldn’t identify with boys, so I got into books. Nothing changed.

While I was in Junior High, my confusion was total, because I discovered my attraction toward both sexes. But something else happened. My father sent me with one of his friends to learn about photography. Before that, my father’s friend always respected me and showed his friendship in a very kind way. But once we were by ourselves he started showing me pornographic magazines and eventually I was sexually abused. I couldn’t say anything to anyone because all that had happened made me feel guilty. After that incident, I decided to get sexually involved with a friend of mine. This went on for approximately 6 years. All of this was totally self-destructive. I had to live through lies and by fooling myself and others. I was living a double life. I definitely lost my dignity and all respect for myself. I knew what I was doing was wrong, but I was unable to stop it. I just wanted to die. From then on, I started looking for answers.

After a year and a half of complete abstinence, I was diagnosed with a sexually transmitted disease. I cried for more than a week. And once more there was no one to talk to. This was very painful for me, but it surely was enough to make me look for help.

My infection healed sooner than I expected. But my illness was much deeper. It was under these circumstances that a lady at the Health Department suggested I contact His Way Out Ministries.

It was on August 4th, 1997, that I met the staff of His Way Out Ministries. Even though I was willing to go to a psychiatrist, I was kind of disappointed for having been sent to a ministry. Once before I had tried to get help out of religion. It did not work. But this time it was different. There is something I have learned since the first time I talked to His Way Out Ministries. Now, there was no religion, but relationship – a relationship with God and one, more open and transparent, deeper and more human. I liked that idea, so I decided to accept Jesus into my heart as my Savior.

This is how my path to recovery got started.

After this I received great gifts. God’s unconditional love, His forgiveness, and the knowledge that He loved me as I was, right then and there. I wasn’t asked to make any change in order to come to Him. I just had to accept Him. All of this tore down the lie that He did not love me because I was homosexual. Through my new relationship with God and the knowledge of His Word, I understood why sexual sins seem to be worse than any other. Sexual sin, not only involves my body, which is God’s temple, but also my spirit. My broken relationship with God drove me to isolate from others, hide my feelings, and disguise my behavior.

Talking to others who have been through the same situation, and getting love and support from all of them, has given me the realization that my homosexuality had nothing to do with sex. Instead, it had been the way in which I was trying to satisfy a need – the need of intimacy with God. In the same way that somebody else abused alcohol, drugs, gambling, food, etc. I did it with sex. But there was never enough. Deep in my heart there was always an emptiness that only God has finally filled.

I have broken strong habits like masturbation and pornography, even though these did not play a big roll in my life. I haven’t had any further homosexual encounters. But this is just the beginning, for I am learning to be the man God expects and created me to be.

Today, I know that in my relationship with God I don’t have to be perfect, but I don’t have to be homosexual either. Thanks to Jesus Christ!

J.F.

“I would be able to withstand temptation for brief periods, but I would always go back to my old lifestyle. My sin provided me with fleeting pleasure and I used it in times of trouble and stress in my life. I had not yet learned to trust God to take care of my needs.”

Thank you for allowing me to share my testimony that God was, and still is, in the restoration & deliverance business; that where the light of Jesus shines there is no more darkness.

“Neither the sexually immoral, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor male prostitutes, nor homosexual offenders, nor thieves, nor the greedy, nor drunkards, nor slanderers, nor swindlers, will inherit the Kingdom of God. And this is what some of you were. But you were washed, you were sanctified, you were justified in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ and by the Spirit of our God.” 1 Corinthians 6:9-11

My name is Jim and I am 40 years old. I have been a Christian for ten years. I have struggled with sexual addiction since my adolescence. This struggle took many forms including addiction to pornography, on the Internet and in other formats, telephone sex, etc. I was active in both heterosexual and homosexual worlds.

In May 1989, the Holy Spirit brought me to the knowledge that I was a sinner and the only way to salvation was confessing Jesus Christ as Lord of my life. After my salvation I was convicted by the Holy Spirit that my lifestyle was contrary to God’s will for my life. I attempted to change my life and rid myself of my addiction. I tried to defeat this sin through the strength of my own will power with no help from others.

I would be able to withstand temptation for brief periods, but I would always go back to my old lifestyle. My sin provided me with fleeting pleasure and I used it in times of trouble and stress in my life. I had not yet learned to trust God to take care of my needs.

I attempted to become a better Christian by reading the Bible more and increasing my head knowledge of who I was supposed to be. I knew that I was supposed to live a good life and that God had promised me that “…no temptation has seized you except what is common to man and God is faithful and will not allow you to be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can stand up under it.” 1 Corinthians 10:13 20

Even with that knowledge I continued to sin. I could never see the way out and I was sure that the temptation was beyond my ability to withstand it. Due to my continued failures to be as God wanted me to be Satan was able to tempt me to believe that God did not love me and that my salvation was not real.

I needed help, but was embarrassed to seek help. I did not want to seek secular counseling because I suspected that I would be told that there was nothing wrong with me. But I knew there was. I attempted to seek counseling through the church but in so many churches sexual sin is still the secret and hidden sin. It is easier for those addicted to alcohol and/or drugs to stand up, admit their sin and be welcomed than it is for the sexually broken. There is a great deal of shame associated with sexual sin and the perception that it is a worse sin than others. Most of the counseling, that I was able to find, focused on my self-esteem, relaxation techniques, or how to “white knuckle” my way through the temptation. I wanted the magic answers, which everyone else knew, that would enable me to never be tempted again or to resist the temptation – but nothing worked. It was depressing to realize that not only could the church not help but also that they could not even refer me to someone that could. At that time, I could not find a ministry that focused on sexual brokenness.

In May of 1996, I was pretty much at the end of my rope. I was sure that I would never be able to escape the bondage of this sin. I was full of despair and feelings of hopelessness. If I wasn’t “cured soon” I was going to give up the struggle.

Through the Internet, oddly enough, I was able to obtain some phone numbers and subsequently make contact with Pastor Phil and His Way Out Ministries. The Lord gave me hope; this was a ministry that was directed specifically towards the sexually broken. I started meeting with Pastor Phil on a weekly basis. We started and ended every meeting with prayer, praising the Lord and requesting His presence in our midst.

Over time, Pastor Phil taught me not to focus on my sin, as I had been doing, but to put my focus on God. This seems so obvious to me now but I had not taken my eyes off my sin and my past while I was trying to change. It’s like the old thing, “Don’t think of a purple elephant.”

My need was not for more of myself and personal strength, my need was to submit myself fully to my Lord Jesus Christ and let His strength and His victory be my strength and my victory. I had always tried to motivate myself through fear of God rather than be motivated by the love of God. I had a difficult time relating to God the Father. Over time, I learned that my true nature is not that of a failed sinner, but of a loved child of the Most High God. The Holy Spirit moved this simple revelation from my head to my heart. My understanding of my relationship to God, the Father, bettered my fellowship with God.

Pastor Phil’s and His Way Out Ministries perspective was not “why” I was acting out sexually, though this is important, but regardless of the reason, I can change because nothing is impossible with the power and the love of God. “Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be glory.” Ephesians 3:20

I understand that by myself, I cannot change, but with Jesus in my life and in my heart, I am free from the control of sin and the enemy.

Because of my submission and reliance on God, I am changed and am being changed. I keep my focus on the Lord and trust in his love. I no longer believe the lies of the enemy. My faith has increased and I understand that Jesus Christ can meet all my needs both known and unknown.

I have a wife and six children. I thank the Lord that this cycle of sin is broken with this generation. While it was and still can be difficult I am often reminded of Jeremiah 29:11 “For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”

Because God put this ministry into Pastor Phil’s and in other churches hearts my wife my children and I have hope and a future. Praise be to God!

Jim McArthur

“Never, Ever Underestimate the Power of Prayer”

I appreciate so much the opportunity to put in writing and give honor to an organization that saw our family through one of the toughest, and most heart wrenching times of our lives.

Three years ago, two broken people (my husband and myself) found our way through the doors of His Way Out Ministries. Let me just say that we were literally broken. Our child was so sexually broken and on a path of destruction that would end in a world of hurt and devastation, our marriage was not doing well, and our family was being split apart.

We were greeted by two individuals, Pastor Phillip Lee, and the other was Ruby, a dear sister in Christ and a dedicated prayer warrior for His Kingdom.

For two hours these two wonderful people in Christ listened to us literally pour our hearts out to them. All the anger, hurt, and lack of understanding of the problems we were facing. They offered insight into what our child was feeling and prayer for our hurting souls. But they didn’t take the pain away. I can remember standing outside the facility after our meeting and saying to Steve, “Why don’t I feel better?” I still had the same problems with our child heading out of control down Satan’s highway of no return and we were driving home to a family that was looking to us for reassurance and stability and at that time we had none to give.

But two things we did receive from this meeting. One was HOPE. Hope for healing and restoration of our child, Hope for a future, and Hope for our marriage and family. The second was NEVER, EVER, underestimate God’s Word and the power of prayer.

So began a journey! We started attending a monthly Family Support meeting with His Way Out and let me tell you; those first few meetings were very tough emotionally with lots of tears. We were surrounded by a group of people who were going through the same difficulties and brokenness that we were going through. These loving people had been where I was and offered so much insight to the sexually broken and what worked for them, as well as, continually giving us hope.

For two years I never missed a meeting. I was like a sponge absorbing everything I could to gain understanding of what my child was going through and praying for a change, any change in her life. Guess what? The change didn’t come in my daughter’s life…Guess who God changed? ME.

I was broken and made new by my Savior and fell in love all over again with God. And, as soon as that happened, my marriage was restored, our family came together again and that child on the path of destruction had stopped and made an about face and was climbing her way back to wholeness.

There were so many miracles of God during those three years, that it would take pages to express and share them. But the most important thing I learned was to “Never, Ever underestimate the power of prayer.”

It is our sincere desire this testimony will be encouraging to those whose children or child is struggling with sexual brokenness or any other type of bondage. There is so much Hope!

His Way Out Ministries made a difference in this families life and they will continue to receive our support: Spiritually, physically, and financially, for as long as we are able.

“He helps us in all our troubles, so that we are able to help others who have all kinds of troubles, using the same help that we ourselves have received from God.” II Corinthians 1:4 (GN)

Steve & Alonna Wentland