The reality of homosexuality isn’t “out there.” It’s here, inside many churches across the country.

The dangerous code of ‘say nothing, do nothing’ adopted by far too many churches has resulted in many learning more about homosexuality from the internet, movies and television resulting in many not getting the truth on the topic.

Churches that engage in compassionate ministry to men and women with unwanted same-sex attraction and their families can effectively influence our culture.

If God can trust you to love gays, He will use you to win them.

Picture This…

His heart is racing with fear and anxiety.

The last thing he wants to do is talk about his struggle with homosexuality. However, his conviction is incredibly strong, and he wants help.

Mustering up all the courage he can, he steps out.

“Excuse me, Pastor, do you have a minute to talk with me?”

The pastor’s verbal response says yes, but his body language sends the message that he’d rather not. With his stomach in knots, he confesses his struggle with homosexual thoughts and temptations.

Barely into his confession, the pastor suddenly interrupts.

“Let’s pray about your problem right now.”

The pastor prays binding “the foul demon of homosexuality” and commands Satan to flee. He “pronounces victory” over the man’s battle with homosexuality. Concluding the prayer, he glibly pats the man on the back and walks away.

What has just happened here?

The pastor has walked away, and the man is thinking to himself, “I don’t feel a bit different.” In fact, he feels violated.

He leaves church hoping that somehow his struggle with homosexuality will just disappear. It didn’t, and it won’t just go away.

Eventually, the man believes that it isn’t safe to share his struggle with anyone. Ultimately, several years later, he finds himself in his first homosexual relationship.

Stories like this are all too common.

Many men and women feel that they have nowhere to turn. Often when they muster up enough courage to finally seek help, their experience turns out to be a negative one. Secular influence, on the other hand, encourages them to embrace their homosexual identity.

Anyone who has been in Christian ministry, even for a short period of time, undoubtedly knows that same-sex attraction even affects Christian men and women.

So, what can you do to help? What is a good approach?

First, some words that will most definitely hurt instead of help.

“I can’t believe it. This is so unlike you.”
“This is just a phase you’re going through.”
“Just try to be straight. I know this nice boy/girl you could date.”

What to do…

Avoid using labels. Homosexuality may not be ‘the issue’ at all. Some individuals (especially youth) will assume they are gay simply because they engaged in experiments with someone of the same sex. No one should label their self-based on his or her experiences or thoughts.

Avoid trite sayings. The individual confiding in you is sharing his/her deepest, darkest secret. Clearly, if it is important to them – make it important to you. Trivializing what is being shared with you only intensifies the problem.

Acknowledge what they are sharing. “Thank you for confiding in me. You must really be having a very difficult time with all of this going on in your mind” is an excellent way of letting the person know you just heard what they have shared. Let the individual know that what has been shared does not – will not- change your relationship.

Demonstrate your care, concern, your love. Do not hesitate or be afraid to touch the person who confesses their struggle. A tender hand on the shoulder or a hug speaks volumes. Consider confessing some of your own insecurities or struggles. This helps him/her to see and know they are not alone.

Finally, “BE THERE!”

The greatest ministry to individuals struggling with sexual identity issues or not – is your time. They all want to know that you genuinely care about them, and you will be there for them, that they will be loved and accepted, and that they have security in your friendship.

We are Christ’s ambassadors, called to reconcile a lost world to God (2 Corinthians 5:20). It’s up to you and me to reach men and women with the unwanted brokenness of same-sex attraction, providing truth and a way of escape.

Never, ever, ever, ever minimize the importance and significance of your presence. It speaks volumes!

You may feel unqualified and incapable of offering anything of value, but often times it only takes a willing heart and someone to just BE THERE!

Pastor Phillip Lee
Executive Director
His Way Out Ministries

Please consider making a donation at www.hiswayout.com/donate. Thank you, Pastor Phillip Lee

Not long ago, a Christian friend and mother I have known for many years contacted me and once again uttered the expression I have heard so many times during the 31 years of His Way Out Ministries, “I never thought I would be contacting you with a problem of homosexuality in my family.”

The mother was understandably shattered. Initially, while the mother did respond and react appropriately standing upon the right Scriptures, the son responded with a very interesting and revealing remark.

He said, “Mom, you keep telling me how hard this is for you to hear and deal with. Don’t you realize how hard it has been for me these many, many years, being raised in a Christian home and knowing that once this got out it would kill you? Ultimately, I had to make a decision that I knew nobody would be happy with. Please consider and realize that I have my own demons to fight.”

Frankly, there is a great deal of truth in the son’s comments.

Whether we agree or not with the son’s ultimate decision or conclusion that he is gay and entitled to act upon his feelings and desires (which I certainly do not), we must admit that he was right in saying he had reached his conclusion after going through quite an intense struggle on his own. It is very important to remember within the evolvement of same-sex attraction that homosexual tendencies are discovered but the gay identity is ultimately embraced. And there is a considerable difference between the two.

When any individual discloses their battle with same-sex attraction, their confession enables an intriguing and powerful opportunity to the family and really to anyone that becomes aware. Can I truly continue to love him for who he is and not for what he does?

As a Christ-follower, if we are becoming effective in not putting unrealistic expectations on ‘anyone,’ we are in line to accept them for who they are, not for what we wish they were. It is God’s part to give those that struggle with same-sex attraction abhorrence for the behavior – an abhorrence that will bring them to a place of complete surrender to the sovereignty of God in their lives and a desire to change.

While there are no specific verses in the Bible telling us under what circumstances, if any, we should adopt this or that policy toward a homosexual loved one, let’s consider a few specific communications that need to be offered with the hope and endeavor of keeping the lines of communication open.

What the Bible says and why you disapprove of homosexuality every time you are with your child, friend, co-worker, etc., is not necessary to state. However, do make sure the individual knows the following:

• You understand that he/she did not ask for these feelings.
• You appreciate their honesty and transparency in disclosing their issue with same-sex attraction.
• Your belief regarding homosexual practice as sin is not going to change.
• You want to protect your relationship through mutual respect and understanding.
• While you may never agree on the subject of homosexuality, you are committed to not letting that disagreement ruin your relationship.

As faithful followers of Christ Jesus, we must never affirm homosexual practice. But we can at least affirm the fact that the individual struggling with same-sex attraction has tried to be honest with us and has taken quite a risk in telling us, knowing it is not what we wanted to hear.

How well I remember disclosing my own battle with same-sex attraction and giving my family every reason to write me off. Frankly, there was no reason for my family to ever think I would repent and turn completely away from homosexuality.

Thankfully, sometimes when God calls us to release a family member or friend through a prayer of relinquishment, that doesn’t mean He is releasing them as well.

God is saying: “Do all you can do, continue to love them and wait.”

Indeed, dealing with the discovery that someone you love has same-sex attraction issues is a difficult stewardship. But the God who gave us this stewardship has also equipped us to handle it and maintain a Christ-like attitude.

“For whatever things were written before were written for our learning, that we through the patience and comfort of the Scriptures might have hope.” (Romans 15:4)

Pastor Phillip Lee
Executive Director
His Way Out Ministries

Please consider making a donation at www.hiswayout.com/donate. Thank you, Pastor Phillip Lee

Is culture influencing us, the Christian community, more than we are influencing the culture?

What we are facing is nothing short of a need for reform clothed in the hope of revival.

People I know, people you know, people in our churches, people in our families, having bought into the rhetoric and false teachings of pro-gay theologians, pro-gay apologists, and revisionists of Scripture regarding same-sex practice simply because they offer a so-called ‘enlightened understanding,’ an alternative that for some insane reason (sounds and seems) superior.

Any attempt at accepting or promoting homosexual practice in any form and to any degree requires abandoning the truth of God when trying to make the Bible agree with the gay is good notion.

Example: Pro-gay theology argues the Scriptures that clearly define same-sex practice as sin have been “mistranslated.”

The “mistranslated” argument makes no sense. On something as important as sexual ethics, are we really to believe that the Bible translators we rely on got it wrong five different times, in two different Testaments? And ONLY on the Scriptures regarding same-sex practice scenarios? That’s just too convenient.

The fact is, in Leviticus, Romans, 1 Corinthians and 1 Timothy, same-sex practice is mentioned in the context of sexual and immoral behavior. The context is quite clear – a variety of behaviors are prohibited; same-sex practice, along with adultery, fornication, and idolatry, is one of them.

So, there is a group purporting to be of God and led of the Holy Spirit distorting and adding to the Gospel.

Tragically, fueling their fires are those that have embraced and adopted the silent-mode – say nothing, do nothing – received by the pro-gay camp as validation, acceptance, and approval of their quest.

No one can say they truly love people by standing by silently and allowing them to compromise their life in sexual sin, unchallenged.

That is not love!

Those having succumbed to human speculation, human knowledge, human understanding, and human reasons have dismissed and rejected the Bible as the Word of God.

If we, the Church, truly desire to function at our best, we must return to upholding the Truth and Authority of Scripture in all matters of faith and practice. This includes God’s original divine intent for human sexuality and His holy boundary lines for living.

This, I submit, would be a huge, considerable first step in reestablishing the Christian community to positively influence society and culture.

The Church fit to respond with grace and truth to our present culture will be one that is reformed by a return to basics and revived by a fresh wind.

Pastor Phillip Lee
Executive Director
His Way Out Ministries

Please consider making a donation at www.hiswayout.com/donate. Thank you, Pastor Phillip Lee

Gay activist: “We no longer need to show-up and protest at ex-gay gatherings and events because we already have an abundance of churches in our pocket and more on the way.”

Peter and John answered and said to them, “Whether it is right in the sight of God to listen to you more than to God, you judge. For we cannot but speak the things which we have seen and heard” (Acts 4:19-20).

There is no doubt, no question choosing to avoid, minimize, disregard, withhold or revise truth, God’s absolute truth in our churches, planted the seeds for truth to be challenged, if not prohibited, in our society and culture.

Admittedly, I offer the following at the risk of being accused of “church bashing.” Therefore, let me state at the beginning, church bashing is never appropriate at any time or on any level. That said, there are some things that need to be voiced given the on-going crisis the Church faces today with regard to the LGBT community and related issues.

To date, the pro-gay agenda has more than accomplished everything they have set out to accomplish. In many respects, it is as though the gay community has come fully and completely out of the closet with the Church running into the closet and taking up comfortable residency.

The spiritual apathy within the Church regarding homosexuality and gay rights has all but taken on the appearance and posture of attempting to please everyone by traveling down the “middle of the road.” Today, many Christians have labeled themselves moderates and are unwilling to take a stand on much of anything.

We must examine our hearts with regard to the crisis of homosexuality in the Church. If we truly pride ourselves on not being fearful, not being antigay, and not being gay rights promoters, but rather middle-of-the-roaders, then I submit we must ask ourselves whether or not we have a passion for ministry based on a burning love for Jesus.

I remain convinced if the Church remains all but apathetic and complacent regarding what seems to be a growing acceptance of homosexuality in the Church, we need to ask for a considerable fresh dose of God’s Spirit of conviction until our passion is reignited.

The Church is in great peril largely due to far too much of God’s wisdom has been pushed out and now man’s wisdom is doing its utmost to prevail. How is it the Church is no longer setting societal standards but is conforming more and more to the standards of popular culture?

As representatives, Ambassadors for Christ, do we not have a responsibility to preserve our freedoms and stand for Christ, witnessing to His grace and power?

Those of us who have experienced Christ’s healing and transformation power in our lives have a responsibility to bring His power to a society, a world, a Church that has too often jumped to a conclusion that there is no cure for the ills that exist regarding same-gender attraction.

The churches to which Peter wrote were all but monuments of dedication to righteousness in a sea of paganism. Peter encouraged the churches with these words…

“Dear friends, do not be surprised at the painful trial you are suffering, as though something strange were happening to you. But rejoice that you participate in the sufferings of Christ, so that you may be overjoyed when His glory is revealed. If you are insulted because of the Name of Christ, you are blessed, for the Spirit of glory and of God rests on you” (1 Peter 4:12-14).

I admit that combating what seems to be a growing acceptance of homosexuality is a considerable challenge. However, I remain unwavering in my belief the reason God birthed His Church, the reason God has anointed His Church, and the reason God continues to build His Church, is that He intended His Church from the beginning to be the answer to life’s challenges which includes the issue of same-gender attraction.

Do we, the Church, still believe that God can do the impossible?

The Church has become far too fractured regarding homosexuality with viewpoints differing widely. Far too often the person struggling with homosexuality is often completely confused about the Christian viewpoint on homosexuality. Those who struggle with homosexuality need to be loved, to be embraced in fellowship, to become known for who they really are, not based on sexuality as much as on interests and personality.

What about the unreached homosexual population? I am confident the Church realizes the need to bring the Gospel to every tribe, tongue, language, and nation – to touch and reach every culture. What about gay culture?

There is no doubt we, the Church, have a lot to learn about bringing Jesus to the gays and lesbians who knock at the doors of our churches. We, the Church, must not underestimate ourselves. We, the Church, hold the only answer there is to the present and on-going crisis of homosexuality.

God Himself desires to reach homosexual people. Church is where healing and wholeness occurs. When we, the Church, embrace the truth and totality of Scripture as it relates to homosexuality without compromise and show unconditional love without fail, Jesus Christ becomes apparent in our midst, and He empowers us to walk in His purposes.

We, the Church, must call fear, complacency and neglect exactly what it is – a barrier to accomplishing God’s will for our lives and for His Church. Paul reminded Timothy that he was not given a spirit of fear- neither are we (2 Timothy 1:7).

Is it possible if we, The Church, humble ourselves, weep and lament for our nation, the world regarding homosexuality, God may just yet intervene and restore decency to this crazy world? If we are unwilling to weep before God with regard to the many that have been ensnared by homosexuality, are we then truly fit to fight before men?

Maybe before God changes the minds of those embracing the “gay is good” notion, He will begin by changing our hearts.

Church, in Jesus’ Name, do not minimize the importance and need of His truth that is critical to the faith but offensive to the world.

Pastor Phillip Lee
Executive Director
His Way Out Ministries

Please consider making a donation at www.hiswayout.com/donate. Thank you, Pastor Phillip Lee

One of my absolute all-time favorite movies, directed by Robert Redford, is “A River Runs Through It”.

It is a story about a Presbyterian minister in Montana with two sons. One son most definitely takes a more conventional approach to life while the other is a bit of a rascal. The two men take undeniably different paths in life but remain held together by the bond of family unity and respect.

Sadly, at the end of the story, the renegade son is shot in a gambling dispute and dies. At the end of the film, the father is preaching. His sermon comes from Scripture and focuses on the often limitations of love. He says, “Often times those we love are the most unwilling or unable to accept our love. We reach out, but what we offer is not accepted. And so, we find that the help we offer is unwanted – but we can love them all the same. We can love completely, even without complete understanding.”

Caught in the middle of the spiritual vacuum of “say nothing, do nothing” with regard to homosexuality and related issues, is the repentant homosexual that has not only abandoned the sexual sin of homosexual practice but a whole network of support and an identity as well. Surrendering unconditionally to the Lordship of Christ, they enter Church (many for the first time in their lives) with nothing. God, having brought them to a place of repentance, feel very frightened, vulnerable, and very, very alone.

I freely admit that I remain perplexed and deeply troubled by those in the Church that are terrified, if not paralyzed by the gay rights movement, and want to see any further legitimization of homosexuality stopped dead in its tracks but remain hesitant and unwilling to offer ministry to those who desire to come out of the behavior. This makes absolutely no sense.

Today, more than ever, we are in need of churches that will not sidestep truth or grace but offer crystal clear truth on a host of issues, including homosexuality, toward every person. Frankly, this is exactly what the Church was called to be from the beginning, and it is exactly what people are looking for today. It is a Church just like this that saved my life.

Over these past 40 years of my new life in Christ, I have shared numerous times the heart-wrenching fact that all those I once ran with are now gone. To this day, their names, faces, their laughs, haunt me. I clearly and vividly remember a phone call with my closest and dearest friend just before he passed away with AIDS. He remained in San Francisco long after God had transported me back to Bakersfield in 1985 when and where everything in my life changed.

The last thing he said to me over a phone conversation was, “Phillip, we don’t understand what has happened to you, but whatever it is, keep it up. You have found something.”

Indeed, I continue to be haunted by waters.

Many know and understand the importance and significance of reaching the unreached peoples of the world for Christ Jesus. What about the unreached homosexual population?

We, the Christian community, have a lot to learn about bringing Jesus to the gays and lesbians who hopefully will one day knock at the doors of our churches. How about, “If you struggle with homosexuality and feel trapped – there is hope! Come on into Church and investigate the roots and causes of your struggle with homosexuality. We will walk with you as you look past the surface, deep into your heart, and consider God’s will for your life.”

It is the clarity of the Holy Scriptures that should compel each and every faithful follower of Christ Jesus to be a light where there is darkness, rather than hiding our witness from those who need it.

Today, no one, with integrity, can continue to condemn a behavior or a group of people while doing so very, very little to see things improve.

Once again, I find myself wondering… “Do you hear the waters?”

Many, many thanks to the late Robert Redford and his masterpiece, “A River Runs Through It.”

Pastor Phillip Lee
Executive Director
His Way Out Ministries

Please consider making a donation at www.hiswayout.com/donate. Thank you, Pastor Phillip Lee

The Christian woman or man secretly wrestling with homosexual desires often feels alone and frightened, even in his own church.

Healthy churches preach the full counsel of God, including the Word’s prohibitions against sins the culture may approve of.

But too often, the right moral standard is accompanied by little or no help for those struggling to live up to it, afraid to admit their struggle to anyone, and feeling misunderstood by others in the church who might consider them weird for even having such temptations.

At the next “Straight Talk” Class/Care Group meeting on Sunday, October 5, 2025 beginning at 8:00am, we will turn our attention to “Homosexuality and the Reality of Change.”

Teaching and discussion will include: Can homosexuals really change?, Will the person become heterosexual? Exposing the roots, Dynamics of change, Recovery is a process, etc.

You might be thinking there is no need for you to attend such a class since you have never experienced same-sex attraction.

Today anything related to LGBT topics either directly or indirectly impacts each of our lives. No exceptions. Therefore…

As ambassadors of truth, your job, my job is to present truth lovingly, responsibly, and clearly. When we stand before God, I really do not see even one of us being asked how many homosexuals we were able to persuade out of the homosexual community.

But I am convinced we will be asked how faithfully we presented the words of life and light we’ve been given and how lovingly yet boldly we presented them.

In this extremely troubled age, may it be said of all of us – that we are, as He was, full of grace and truth.

In reaching to and or ministering to those whose lifestyle we do not fully understand, we must always remember to offer them the same grace, understanding, and love that Christ offered us.

“If I profess with the loudest voice and clearest exposition every portion of the truth of God except precisely that little point which the world and the devil are at the moment attacking, then I am not confessing Christ, however boldly, I may be professing Christ. Where the battle rages, there the loyalty of the soldier is tested.” Martin Luther

All “Straight Talk” meetings are held at Rock Harbor Church, – https://rockharborchurch.net/

Pastor Phillip Lee
Executive Director
His Way Out Ministries

Please consider making a donation at www.hiswayout.com/donate. Thank you, Pastor Phillip Lee

While the details of your situation may be different, I’ll bet your family and mine have a lot in common, which is why I can say I’ve been there.

When someone you love is gay, you become more aware of your inability to face life’s challenges apart from the grace of God.

May what was said of Christ Jesus be said of us as well – that we are, as He was, full of grace and truth.

– – – – –

Usually, when homosexuality becomes known in a family, the greater attention and focus is normally placed on the individual that has announced his or her being gay.

However, when homosexuality comes knocking on your personal front door, it affects much more than just him or her. Immediately, the crisis becomes a family matter with the family having to work through the blow of learning of a child’s homosexuality.

For Christian parents becoming aware of a child’s homosexuality, it becomes very tempting to respond with, “How can you be homosexual? You’re a Christian!” Parents become immediately flooded with questions such as: What will people think? What did I do wrong? or How are we going to deal with this?

Without a doubt, it is just as difficult for the individual to disclose their battle with same-gender attraction as it is for the family to hear. In the majority of cases, the individual struggling with same-gender attraction has been in an intense battle for a very long time especially if the individual is an adult.

The very moment the admission comes out of the individual’s mouth, all of the anxiety, turmoil, fear, shame, anger, disillusionment, and more, is immediately transferred to the parents (family).

Parents naturally want to protect their children and rightfully feel a huge amount of responsibility for their lives. As a result, it is absolutely imperative that Christian parents establish boundaries when facing and dealing with a child’s acceptance and practice of homosexuality.

In their book Boundaries, Dr’s Henry Cloud and John Townsend describe boundaries as “what defines what is me and what is not me. A boundary shows me where I end and someone else begins, leading me to a sense of ownership.”

Without a doubt, parents experience a huge amount of loss when they find out about a child’s homosexuality. Almost immediately, grief, despair, disillusionment, and fear surface launching parents into a process where they ultimately must give themselves permission to grieve and not pretend that nothing is wrong or that their world has been turned upside-down.

Every year, I receive numerous inquiries for guidance from parents wanting to know what are some of the do’s and don’ts when the holidays are fast approaching.

During the holiday season, parents in particular become overwhelmed with the various looming scenarios related to a gay-identified child coming home for Christmas and bringing “a friend.”

The line(s) between acceptance and approval, love and condoning a sinful behavior can often become a bit blurry and challenging during the holiday season.

Anita Worthen discusses the issue of inviting a child’s partner for the holidays in her book Someone I Love is Gay, “Your child’s partner is not the enemy. He or she is someone God loves – just as he loves your son or daughter.” However, that doesn’t mean you welcome the couple into your home as if nothing was wrong. Ignoring the obvious has a name – denial.

A good rule of thumb in ultimately coming to a decision on how to handle the situation is to ask, “How would I handle it if my child wanted to bring home an opposite-sex partner?” I believe the majority of Christian families would probably invite that person into their home, but clearly define the appropriate boundary line of separate sleeping arrangements. However, if parents are completely uncomfortable with the entire gay scenario, being honest is the very best policy for all involved. Because each family is unique, each family has to find a way to handle the various situations that will undoubtedly surface. There isn’t one universal answer that works for everyone.

Frankly, there aren’t any easy, pat answers for a family working through the awareness of a child’s homosexuality. There are no magic cures, no shortcuts.

However, God is more than able and willing to bring the entire family into a deeper, more intimate relationship with Him since the family, by God’s own design, was designed to be a support system and a place of love and safety.

Ultimately, only through a personal relationship with Jesus Christ and the indwelling presence of His Spirit, will any individual or family be enabled to overcome homosexuality and the many related issues.

Being a very practical individual, I encourage all parents (families) to consider that the crisis does not rest solely with the homosexual child. Within the mix of the various and numerous contributing factors to any individual struggling with same-gender attraction are family and relational issues that enabled the situation.

Therefore, I believe parents, the family, need to be willing to (1) educate themselves on homosexual behavior, (2) seek spiritual guidance for themselves, certainly their feelings and emotions, (3) be patient in embracing the reality that healing is a process and (4) release the child into the God’s care. Admittedly, the last point is much easier said than done.

However, it is when we let go of a child, a friend, or a spouse that we do stop taking responsibility for them, but we do not stop fulfilling our responsibilities to them. Homosexuality is not just about an issue. This is about people – people that God loves and people for whom Jesus died.

When homosexuality surfaces in a family, it isn’t just a child struggling with same-gender attraction; it is a family issue and needs to be healed within the family.

“The Lord also will be a refuge for the oppressed, a refuge in times of trouble.” Psalm 9:9

Recommended Reading

Someone I Love is Gay by Anita Worthen and Bob Davies
This book gives easy-to-understand answers to the family members surrounding the homosexual. Many real-life examples are cited to help families understand and respond to their homosexual loved one in a compassionate way.

101 Frequently Asked Questions About Homosexuality by Mike Haley
In this book, you will find answers to the most often asked questions about homosexuality from an expert on the subject – and a former homosexual himself.

When Homosexuality Hits Home by Joe Dallas
In this straightforward book, Christian author and counselor Joe Dallas offers practical, step-by-step advice on how to deal with the many conflicts and emotions experienced by parents, grandparents, siblings, and extended family members when they learn of a loved one’s homosexuality.

Category Archive for additional Recommended Reading
hiswayout.com/category/recommended-reading

Believing in Him and You,

Pastor Phillip Lee
Executive Director
His Way Out Ministries

Please consider making a donation at www.hiswayout.com/donate. Thank you, Pastor Phillip Lee