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“Research has shown that if you are in a community that is getting healthy or overcoming something difficult, your chances go way, way up.” Dr. Henry Cloud

I came across the above quote which caused me to pause and consider just how many Christian families are now coming to His Way Out Ministries from various cities that surround Bakersfield.

Christian families from Pleasanton, Hanford, Visalia, Porterville, Tehachapi, Ventura, Santa Clarita, Lancaster, Ridgecrest, Wasco, Delano, Lake Isabella, Oxnard, and San Luis Obispo, all in crisis but wanting to make godly choices in response to an issue facing their family.

For Christian parents, in particular, wading through the tsunami of emotions that accompany the announcement of, “Mom, Dad, I’m gay!” are all but swallowed up in, “Where do we go from here?”

Mom, Dad, first and foremost remember that you are a child of God, and He has plans to, “prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” He has promised to be with you always, no matter what kind of calamity or mud pit in which you may find yourself.

Give yourself permission to wade through the myriad of real and genuine emotions. Today, with so much of society and the church being dysfunctional, it is often no small task in being comfortable with owning our feelings. Tragically, some Christian parents with gay-identified children have been told, “Don’t cry,” or “You shouldn’t feel that way.”

The challenge? To look through the eyes of faith which enables the acceptance of the present reality and ultimately produces, “What now, Lord?” rather than, “Why?” In other words, hold on to God’s promises.

Indeed, loving a wayward child the way God loves them means loving them unconditionally. It also means accepting the truth and reality that only God can bring about the change in them you hope and pray to witness. It wasn’t until many years down the road of a new life in Christ Jesus that my mother shared with me…”You don’t know how many times in prayer I got in the enemy’s face and said ‘I don’t care what he has done or even how many times he has done it, in Jesus’ Name, devil, you can’t have him any more!'”

Choose today to “act” rather than “react” to the unwanted circumstance(s) that have come into your life. Seek a support group, a care group, a community in which you can be real by sharing your legitimate concerns. Those in the group need not be experts on the subject of homosexuality and they may not have ever experienced this kind of crisis themselves, but if they are compassionate people, they can give you a great deal of emotional support and nurturing.

Personally, I have the utmost respect and admiration for each and every Christian family that blends uncompromised grace and truth with regard to homosexuality. In doing so, they enable and provide God the opportunity to remind just how big He is and shall forever remain. Refuse to sidestep either truth or grace by speaking clear truth about every and any issue.

Even in the crisis, because Jesus is there with you, life has any and all infinite possibilities.

The storms of life will undoubtedly do everything they possibly can to rip apart the hope we have in Christ Jesus. However, as we each seek Him with all our hearts, often within the fellowship and community of believers, behind each circumstance, each question and each answer stands the only One who can really help any of us. Truly, God knows.

Scripture clearly defines the Church as family. (1 Timothy 5:1-2; 2 Timothy 1:2-5; Hebrews 12:7-10) Having a safe environment and the opportunity to be transparent with one another enables the opportunity to unlock the excessive pressures of this journey called life and relieves pent-up emotions.

Keep Romans 8:28 forever in your heart. God’s promise that “all things work together for good” even when things seem to be shattered should take a high position on the priority list of verses on suffering. And consider “In love’s service, only the wounded can serve, for they alone understand the cry of the bleeding heart.”

At His Way Out Ministries, we have found and continue to see and understand the wisdom of Ecclesiastes 4:9-10: “two can accomplish more than twice as much as one, for the results can be much better. If one falls, the other pulls him up; but if a man falls when he is alone, he is in trouble.”

There is much to be said for gathering together. At His Way Out Ministries, while we do not presume to have all the answers, but we do understand the human struggle related to the brokenness of same-sex attraction.

You are welcome here with people on the same-like journey. We are here to listen, support, encourage, and walk with you beyond, “Why?” to, “What now, Lord?”

Pastor Phillip Lee
Executive Director
His Way Out Ministries

His Way Out has been faithfully ministering to men and women seeking a way out of sexually broken lifestyles since 1994. We could not do it without the support of Christians like you. Every dollar that you give to His Way Out Ministries helps to further this vital ministry. Won’t you take a minute to prayerfully consider a monthly donation to His Way Out? Please consider making a one-time donation or set up a secure monthly PayPal contribution on our donation page at https://www.hiswayout.com/donate/. Thank you, Pastor Phillip Lee

His Way Out Ministries Podcasts are dedicated to equipping, educating, and encouraging the Body of Christ to reach out and minister to individuals, families, and churches impacted by the brokenness of same-sex attraction.

Season 1, Episode 12
Our twelfth broadcast is titled “Letting Go”. As Christians, a huge challenge is giving our loved one over to the Lord. If our prayers go something like, “God, do this,” or “God, don’t allow this,” our prayers need to become, “Lord, I ask you to bring my loved one to You in any way You choose.” Letting go goes against our very nature. However, if we want God to work in the situation, we must let Him do it His way.

Listen online or download the podcast.

Letting Go with Pastor Phillip Lee – Download MP3 –

All past episodes of His Way Out Ministries Radio Broadcast are available by following THIS LINK or selecting the “Audio Podcast” category to the right.

Learning about homosexuality and understanding God’s perspective on same-gender attraction will go a long way in increasing our effectiveness in sharing the Good News of Jesus Christ. So, let’s test your knowledge. How confident are you in offering a response to the following to your gay neighbor, a close relative, a member in your church, or the one you’ve yet to meet?

  1. True or False? The person struggling with same-gender attraction is often confused about the Christian viewpoint?
  2. True or False? Science has proven that homosexuals are “born that way”?
  3. The statement “Homosexuality is the worst of all sins” is…a) Scripturally correct, b) shows a lack of understanding the Bible, c) may be true in a practical sense, d) stating it is harder to overcome than many other sins.
  4. A child raised in church and a Christian family…a) has no chance of becoming homosexual, b) must reject the church in order to practice homosexuality, c) can develop homosexually, d) becomes gay when they reject God.
  5. After becoming a Christian, the individual will…a) become heterosexual at some point, b) become heterosexual, c) still never be free or same-gender attraction, d) still experience temptation from time to time.

Answers to the CSE Quiz Questions are below. If you struggled in coming to a decision about any of the offered questions, please consider hosting a His Way Out Ministries Educational Workshop at your church. For a detailed list of various workshops, please visit our Educational Workshops page.

CSE Quiz Answers
1. True, 2. False, 3. b) Shows a lack of understanding the Bible, 4. c) Can develop homosexually, 5. d) Still experience temptation from time to time.

His Way Out Ministries Podcasts are dedicated to equipping, educating, and encouraging the Body of Christ to reach out and minister to individuals, families, and churches impacted by the brokenness of same-sex attraction.

Season 1, Episode 14
Our fourteenth broadcast is titled “Questions and Answers”. For many, homosexuality isn’t just a social issue, it’s very personal. Our “Questions and Answers” broadcast offers straightforward, godly, and compassionate insights into the subject of homosexuality by providing a series of questions that many want to ask but are often reluctant to voice.

Listen online or download the podcast.

Questions and Answers with Pastor Phillip Lee – Download MP3 –

All past episodes of His Way Out Ministries Radio Broadcast are available by following THIS LINK or selecting the “Audio Podcast” category to the right.

There are those that would argue that to be “totally set free” is an impossibility since we will always sin as long as we are in the flesh. While I certainly agree we will always sin as long as we are in the flesh, “it” does not have to be idolatrous, addictive, or enable unreal levels of evil desires that war against God’s truth.

Today, some would say that offering a message of freedom from homosexuality is to hold out a message of false hope to people caught in this particular sin. However, I would present the biblical fact that people were being set free in the Apostle Paul’s day (1 Corinthians 6:11) and those whom the Son sets free are free indeed (John 8:36).

It is abundantly clear that Jesus counted ungodly lust with any participation or activity as sin when He said, “Everyone who looks on a woman to lust after her has committed adultery with her in his heart.” (Matthew 5:28)

It is time that we all purify ourselves by uprooting ungodly reactions and lies that hold us captive and remember that God Himself has called each of His followers to holiness and not just those who struggle with homosexuality.

Today, far too many individuals, ministries, and churches are stating and teaching that the very best a man or woman struggling with same-sex attraction can hope for is celibacy. In other words, each man and each woman can successfully stop activity but they will just have to live with the desires. I believe Jesus spoke clearly regarding all sexual sin.

A believer in Christ Jesus must see lust as a sin, confess it as such and then work to uproot “fueling agents” that often accompany attempts at justifying our sin just because we have been hurt. God knows every detail of our pain, abuse, and neglect and He desires to set us free but we must purify ourselves and that always involves the “process” of holiness. Admittedly, holiness is progressive and it does not occur in anyone’s life overnight.

Clearly, every born-again believer must obey the truth in order to be purified and walk in holiness.

“Now that you have purified yourselves by obeying the truth so that you have sincere love for your brothers: love one another deeply from your heart. For you have been born again, not of perishable seed, but of imperishable, through the living and enduring Word of God.” (1 Peter 1:22-23)

It seems to me if we (Christians) are to purify ourselves, obedience to God’s Word is imperative. Practically speaking, reading one’s Bible, spending time in prayer, journaling our thoughts and feelings, spiritual work such as addressing ungodly vows, bitterness, envy, and renouncing justification of sin because of hurt, are just a few of the areas that must be potentially addressed.

Also, we must confess our sins and believe that in doing so…”God is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness.” (1 John 1:9)

Clearly, if we claim to be without sin, we are deceiving ourselves and the truth is not in us.

I like what Oswald Chambers states in My Utmost for His Highest, “The one marvelous secret of a holy life lies not in imitating Jesus, but in letting the perfections of Jesus manifest themselves in my mortal flesh.”

When any man or woman thoroughly and completely gives up the entire context of homosexuality, there is no more keeping of records of how long it has been since a fall occurred or how long it has been since looking on someone to lust after them. Frankly, I believe that is pretty much useless because God does not want us to keep records of falls or victories, but rather a complete change of heart so we will love what He loves and hate what He hates.

Indeed, it takes time to cleanse and purify our hearts. However, the process and journey are well worth the effort if for no other reason than God will be glorified.

When we embrace the totality and truth of Scripture without compromise, God empowers us to walk in His purposes.

Those who choose to live by God’s unchanging truth engage in the ongoing challenge of applying God’s unchanging standards to our ever-changing society, world, and this journey, with its many twists and turns called…life.

Pastor Phillip Lee
Executive Director
His Way Out Ministries

His Way Out has been faithfully ministering to men and women seeking a way out of sexually broken lifestyles since 1994. We could not do it without the support of Christians like you. Every dollar that you give to His Way Out Ministries helps to further this vital ministry. Won’t you take a minute to prayerfully consider a monthly donation to His Way Out? Please consider making a one-time donation or set up a secure monthly PayPal contribution on our donation page at https://www.hiswayout.com/donate/. Thank you, Pastor Phillip Lee

His Way Out Ministries Podcasts are dedicated to equipping, educating, and encouraging the Body of Christ to reach out and minister to individuals, families, and churches impacted by the brokenness of same-sex attraction.

Season 1, Episode 13
Our thirteenth broadcast is titled “How Do We Love Them Like Jesus?” The Gospel of John is clear in its description of Jesus. Jesus was 100% grace and 100% truth. He never erred on one side or the other. If we are truly to represent Christ’s heart and mind to the sexually broken, we must be equally balanced in those two critical areas as well.

Listen online or download the podcast.

How Do We Love Them Like Jesus? with Pastor Phillip Lee – Download MP3 –

All past episodes of His Way Out Ministries Radio Broadcast are available by following THIS LINK or selecting the “Audio Podcast” category to the right.

“And we, who with unveiled faces all reflect the Lord’s glory, are being transformed into His likeness with ever-increasing glory, which comes from the Lord, who is the Spirit.” (2 Corinthians 3:18)

  • You told us we needed to surrender our lives to Christ Jesus and be born-again. We surrendered.
  • You told us we needed to forsake and repent of homosexual practice. We repented. We turned away.
  • You told us our mind needed renewing and we needed a life transformation. We willing died to self.
  • You told us we needed to forsake the gay community and embrace the Church as our new family. We did so by faith.
  • You regularly encouraged us to share our testimony. We gladly did so to honor Christ Jesus.
  • You continue to remind us the Church is God’s vehicle to reach the wounded, broken, and hurting. We agree.
  • You told us the Bible is the textbook for life in all matters of faith and practice. We embraced this truth.
  • You reminded us over and over again “Jesus remains the same yesterday, today and forever.” (Hebrews 13:8) Indeed and Amen.

But now, many of you are saying, “Well, maybe homosexuality isn’t so bad after all.”
Many Sunday morning church pulpits have lapsed fully into the silent mode with regard to homosexuality.
The gay community is extremely vocal and highly visible demanding their right to be who they want to be, but we are now being told daily we cannot have and we must now have the same right.

We are your fellow brothers and sisters in Christ. We are trying very, very hard to understand. Would you help us, please?

Much too often, we turn around wondering, “Where did everybody go?”

Having once faced and addressed the impact of rejection and abandonment in our lives, must we face it again?

Should we compare where we stand now regarding homosexuality and related issues to the time when things got very, very tough and Jesus said to His disciples, “Will you also turn away?” (John 6:67)

You told us and reminded us frequently…

“The Church must call homosexual practice sin and while that will be offensive to many,
the Word of God must not and cannot be watered down.”

In many respects, we attribute our new lives in Christ Jesus to Christians sharing and holding us to The Truth.

  • You told us we were not born gay. We embraced this truth.
  • You told us change is possible. We changed.
  • You told us our true identity is in Christ Jesus – not our sexuality. True.
  • You told us not to allow our past to dictate who we are in Christ today. Agreed.
  • You told us homosexuals are redeemable with God’s grace and power more than sufficient to transform a life. Amen.
  • You told us sharing the Gospel is not an option for a Christian but rather obedience to a command. Absolutely.
  • You told us the only way out of homosexuality was through a deep, personal, intimate relationship with Christ Jesus.

Has any of the above-mentioned changed?

If God has changed and is no longer capable of restoring a man or woman from the brokenness of same-sex attraction,
what else can’t God do?

Truth lived out Christs’ way, does not have any gray edges. It is abundantly clear and straightforward.

We, the prodigals, are your fellow brothers and sisters in Christ.

May God help us each and everyone on that day when we are asked to give an account of how we responded to the difficult issue of homosexuality so that we might hear Him say, “Well done, good and faithful servant.”

Pastor Phillip Lee
Executive Director
His Way Out Ministries

His Way Out has been faithfully ministering to men and women seeking a way out of sexually broken lifestyles since 1994. We could not do it without the support of Christians like you. Every dollar that you give to His Way Out Ministries helps to further this vital ministry. Won’t you take a minute to prayerfully consider a monthly donation to His Way Out? Please consider making a one-time donation or set up a secure monthly PayPal contribution on our donation page at https://www.hiswayout.com/donate/. Thank you, Pastor Phillip Lee

“IT’S WRONG!!!” “Nope, sorry. Not good enough.”

The reality and Biblical truth of each and every one of us having been born into a fallen world and inheriting a sinful nature validate we are all broken.

Therefore, in the Kingdom of God, the question of “who needs help and wholeness?” is the same for everyone. We all would do well in remembering no one is superior or inferior at the foot of the Cross.

Whether the confession comes from a son or daughter, spouse or close friend, the admission of homosexuality hits like a bombshell, especially in Christian homes. Instantaneously, life seems completely out of control. You are now headed in a direction you never, ever thought you would be going.

How well I remember having to make my own personal confession to my parents. While my confession occurred many, many years ago, I recall, vividly, having to pick my mother up from the kitchen floor.

The ironic truth is that while I felt an immediate sense of relief that “the problem” was now out, my parents, friends, and family members were instantly projected into a state of fear, bewilderment, and consumed by a myriad of emotions.

Once the initial impact has subsided a bit, while Christian families know God is the answer, it still takes a long time for them to wrap their minds around how to engage God in what they perceive as needing to be done. Make no mistake, when someone we know confesses their same-sex attraction, many Christians struggle with how to maintain a Christ-like manner and position which, more than not, results in “Where do we go from here?”

Speaking from experience, having waded through years of healing, discipleship, study, and surrender (at times, daily), when homosexuality hit my family, as it has a multitude of others, it brought pain, indescribable pain, and misunderstanding along with it. Largely, because (way back then), no one knew much about the behavior.

Frankly, about the only comment anyone offered was, “It’s wrong!” Today, just like then, that’s not good enough and completely unacceptable.

While there are no specific verses in the Bible telling us under what circumstances, if any, we should adopt this or that policy toward a homosexual loved one, let’s consider a few specific communications that need to be offered with the hope and endeavor of keeping the lines of communication open.

What the Bible says and why you disapprove of homosexuality every time you are with your child, friend, co-worker, etc., is not a necessary state. However, do make sure the individual knows the following:

  • You understand that he/she did not ask for these feelings.
  • You appreciate their honesty and transparency in disclosing their issue with same-sex attraction.
  • Your belief regarding homosexual practice as sin is not going to change.
  • You want to protect your relationship through mutual respect and understanding.
  • While you may never agree on the subject of homosexuality, you are committed to not letting that disagreement ruin your relationship.

Put even this crisis in its proper context. Embrace the promise of Romans 8:28 that God makes everything – even calamities – work for our good. Admittedly, it is often very excruciating to wait for the ‘good’ to work. I mean, when it seems that everything is literally coming apart at the seams, it’s hard to consider if anything good will really come out of misery.

  • My first encouragement is to learn as much as you can about the causes of homosexuality. Simply knowing it is wrong is not even close to being enough.
  • Don’t run the matter into the ground every time you see your son or daughter. Often, there can be a good reason(s) for not dealing with a problem right now.
  • Do everything you can to keep the lines of communication open and maintain your relationship. If you feel you have been batting your head against the wall seeking resolution of ‘the problem,’ take a rest. It may not be God’s time to deal with the issue.
  • Make sure your son or daughter is aware of your belief and position regarding homosexual practice. Heaven knows, God can deal with and use our mistakes but He cannot deal with our inaction. Be clear and precise.
  • Do not argue about homosexuality. The very moment the conversation erupts into anger – drop it! Badgering will only produce pushing the individual in the wrong direction. Many problems and issues in life are often solved very indirectly; not when we are consciously dealing with them, but when we are going about our normal lives.
  • It is imperative to distinguish between “acceptance and approval.” It is important to separate, both in our own minds and to our loved ones, their individual worth from the acts of homosexuality they may be committing.
  • Stay completely away from Christian cliches such as, “God created Adam and Eve, not Adam and Steve,” and “Love the sinner but hate the sin.” Christian cliches only reinforce the belief of many with same-sex attraction that the Christian community is unwilling to truly educate themselves on the complexities of same-sex attraction.
  • Do not hesitate to admit when and where the Church has been wrong with regard to men and women with same-sex attraction. We, the Church, have made mistakes and in some cases owe the gay community an apology.
  • Refrain from attacking the character of homosexuals when discussing homosexuality. Keep to the real issue which is whether or not homosexual practice is, in and of itself, moral.
  • Do not be discouraged if your conversations do not produce instant fruit. What we will answer to God for is speaking truth lovingly and plainly – not for how our loved one responds.
  • Be relentless in looking for every opportunity to share it is a personal relationship with Jesus Christ and the indwelling presence of His Spirit which is the foundation needed to overcome same-sex attraction.
  • Release control. Let God decide how to bring freedom. God is the only One who can bring about change in the homosexual.
  • Let the son, daughter and everyone know that God has a reputation of transforming trapped people with damaged sexualities. “And such were some of you” applies to all Christians who had formerly participated in homosexuality. (1 Corinthians 6:9-11)
  • And, remember, those entangled in sin, of course, will have weak faith, so be merciful to those who doubt. (Jude 22)

Somewhere I read, “Hope is not the conviction that something will turn out well, but the certainty that something makes sense, regardless of how it turns out.”

When Jesus Christ is “there” life has infinite possibilities.

Pastor Phillip Lee
Executive Director
His Way Out Ministries

His Way Out has been faithfully ministering to men and women seeking a way out of sexually broken lifestyles since 1994. We could not do it without the support of Christians like you. Every dollar that you give to His Way Out Ministries helps to further this vital ministry. Won’t you take a minute to prayerfully consider a monthly donation to His Way Out? Please consider making a one-time donation or set up a secure monthly PayPal contribution on our donation page at https://www.hiswayout.com/donate/. Thank you, Pastor Phillip Lee

His Way Out Ministries Podcasts are dedicated to equipping, educating, and encouraging the Body of Christ to reach out and minister to individuals, families, and churches impacted by the brokenness of same-sex attraction.

Season 1, Episode 11
Our eleventh broadcast is titled “Now, It’s Personal!” Christians with gay-identified loved ones are often eager to share the Good News of Christ, but they wonder how they can do so without sounding judgmental. When someone you love is homosexual, you quickly become aware of your inability to face life’s challenges apart from the grace of God.

Listen online or download the podcast.

Now, It’s Personal! with Pastor Phillip Lee – Download MP3 –

All past episodes of His Way Out Ministries Radio Broadcast are available by following THIS LINK or selecting the “Audio Podcast” category to the right.

In attempting to right some of the wrongs of the past, have we gone much too far the other way? Have we forgotten that in failing to offer God’s standards clearly and unashamedly, God loves us as we are, but He loves us much too much to leave us as we are?

Is it possible fear and intimidation are now being allowed to guide our lives, ministries, and churches?

Jesus continually reminded His disciples not to fear. (Matthew 10:26-31)

An unhealthy fear of others reveals a lack of trust in God. (Luke 12:4-7)

When we allow our fear to prevent us from doing what is right, we sin against God. (James 4:7)

I love the words of Corrie ten Boom, “Lord, Jesus, I offer myself for this time. Use me in any way necessary to respond to what is happening to what is around me.”

Clearly, if you and I are going to be effective by going into our present culture and addressing sin, first and foremost, God is calling us to look at our own sins, repent of the immorality that exists within our own ranks and…recommit to the biblical standards of holiness.

Today, at least in some circles, one might think the ultimate priority is to politically defeat homosexuals rather than to see them won into the Kingdom of God. That said, with Jesus as our Perfect Role Model, never once did He ever compromise the truth, and never once did He legitimize sin. And yet, He was able to serve people and also relate to them.

Should we not be following His example?

As His Church, we must call fear what it is – a barrier to accomplishing God’s will for our lives and for our churches. Paul reminded Timothy that he was not given a spirit of fear and neither are we. (2 Timothy 1:7)

I would submit that extreme caution must be exercised when endeavoring not to be anti-gay nor being a gay rights promoter and succumbing to just traveling the middle-of-the-road.

Personally, I support basic civil rights for all people. That said, I know all too well the pain of homosexuality. It is completely and totally irresponsible for counselors, teachers, or pastors to tell men and women that homosexuality is an option with no consequences. Therefore, please do not stay out of the river because of the political climate regarding homosexual practice and related issues.

Admittedly, there are deep, critical, and vital issues before us today with raging political theological currents doing their utmost to submerge the Church. Clearly, real and vital issues about the healing and transformation of sexual brokenness have and continue to sharply divide with many lives hanging in the balance.

We, the Church, will not serve humanity, unity nor the cause of Christ Jesus by ignoring the differences that exist or by sticking our heads in the sand. We must not allow emotion or the present political climate to dictate to the Church what we believe nor what we do to further God’s Kingdom.

It is an undeniable fact this issue has wounded many people. Everyone, no exception, that has been or is currently caught up in the cultural chaos over homosexuality needs the understanding and compassion of the Church.

This can be done and it must be done with the Church committed to God’s unyielding truth, expressed in God’s unconditional love.

Pastor Phillip Lee
Executive Director
His Way Out Ministries

His Way Out has been faithfully ministering to men and women seeking a way out of sexually broken lifestyles since 1994. We could not do it without the support of Christians like you. Every dollar that you give to His Way Out Ministries helps to further this vital ministry. Won’t you take a minute to prayerfully consider a monthly donation to His Way Out? Please consider making a one-time donation or set up a secure monthly PayPal contribution on our donation page at https://www.hiswayout.com/donate/. Thank you, Pastor Phillip Lee

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