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Question: Is the actual goal of God the Father to make us perfect specimens of what He can do or is His greater goal to bring each and every one of us into perfect communion with Himself?

Christian perfection has never been nor will it ever be human perfection. Christian perfection is that state of being in a real relationship with God which then manifests itself among the many twists and turns of life and certainly the many irrelevancies of life. Personally, years of study and experience have clearly taught me that regardless how much doctrine I may know, until I have a clear picture and heartfelt sense that God is truly gracious and good, there will never be any lasting victory in my life.

Looking back, it was more than difficult to believe that God fully accepted me when my conscience told me otherwise. I cannot begin to tell you that the Scriptures which spoke about judgment all applied to me, and the ones that spoke mercy – well, they were for someone else. Numerous personal experiences in my life taught me that people only loved you as long as you pleased them. Therefore, did God really love me in spite of all that I had done and been?

It was the Holy Spirit that helped me see that the Scriptures that speak of judgment are directed at the stiff-necked sinner and not the one who is struggling with sin. As well, I came to understand that God’s promises of mercy are to all that trust in Christ and I was challenged to accept them by simple faith. The more I developed my intimate relationship with Jesus, the more my fears subsided, and, in their place, peace and confidence grew. Incredibly, there were two friends (of the old life) who did not desert me. Thankfully, there were new friends who, knowing all, still loved and accepted me. Trust me, their friendship, love, encouragement and support, provided tangible proof of God’s love. My faith grew.

I cannot count the numerous times I have read, studied, revisited, meditated upon, etc., the various contributing factors to a person having an issue of same-sex attraction. Recently, during a phone conversation with a friend, I was asked, “Was it what happened to you that caused a struggle with homosexuality, or what didn’t happen?” Bam!

While many of us (men and women that have come out of homosexuality) felt we were victims, if we or anyone stops right there and refuses to see a thread of grace running through a myriad of sufferings, we end up being victims who have no hope. Whatever may have happened or did not happen in our lives as long as we blame others or the circumstances of life over which we often had no control, we remain trapped and unable to do anything to bring about change in our lives.

For anyone to find freedom from homosexuality, an undermining of feelings and a letting go of what did or did not happen must occur. Ultimately, the person begins to see God as a loving Father whose unbelievable grace can bring blessing out of all that has been missed or suffered.

Has all the study, meditation, introspection, and questions been worth it? You bet ‘cha. As I have claimed and continue to claim, God is for me in every circumstance of life because of His blood and His righteousness. Solid peace and joy have driven away the old depressions that were at times incredibly crippling. By accepting the truth that God will never abandon me – because Christ has endured all the wrath that I deserve – I know that I am never alone. All things considered, I am satisfied to strive for and ultimately live in a perfect relationship with God the Father, so that hopefully and prayerfully, my life will produce a desire and a longing for God in other lives.

You know, life is not just a struggle for the one struggling with homosexuality. It’s a struggle for everyone and no one meets all of life’s challenges flawlessly. It is monumentally important to remember that God does bring good out of trouble. Otherwise sorrow will swallow us up.

Homosexuality took my self-respect and gave me guilt, took my honor and gave me shame, took my honesty and gave me a double life, took gentleness and made me a deceiving, angry man. However, out of all that stuff, came a walk with God, freedom, strength and vulnerability, the ability to help others, and maybe, just maybe, the beginning of wisdom.

It has all been worthwhile.

Was it what happened or what didn’t happen? No doubt, a measure of both.

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