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Homosexual behavior is an attempt to fulfill normal, legitimate needs for love, acceptance, and identity through sexual intimacy with someone of the same sex. Although the factors that contribute to the development of sexual orientation are complex and subtle, our experience suggests that one of the deepest roots of homosexuality is a break in relational bonds, especially those within the family, which stunts the development of the individual’s ability to healthily connect with others throughout life.

The security of a child depends on the three way bond of mother to child, father to child, and the often underemphasized bond between the parents. Any break, real or perceived, in these bonds can produce insecurity in him or her – and thus a lack of that sense of belonging and affirmation which is so vital in the development of gender identity.

If the child has an absent or an emotionally distant mother or father, he or she will feel a certain amount of vulnerability – a vague longing for closeness and protection that the parent has not been able to fulfill. In addition to this, if the young person has been subjected to sexual molestation, especially at the hands of a trusted adult such as a teacher, babysitter or relative, then the impact upon his or her ability to bond with others will be all the more devastating. In the face of this sense of exposure, the child may detach from the parent and other significant adults to one extent or another in order to avoid any further hurt and disappointment. This tendency to withdraw produces fear of intimacy, isolation from others, and envy on account of what is missing. It also adds to the weight of the heartfelt unworthiness and rejection that the young person is already carrying.

This leaves him or her with tremendous needs for affirmation and affection. In most instances the attraction for the same sex begins before the age of ten. It is emotional, non-sexual, and involuntary. With sexual immaturity, these needs become eroticized; sexual intimacy becomes a primary means for feeling loved and affirmed.

Hence, sexual activity offers some sense of being truly accepted. What seems to be “love” is received, the person extending this love is idolized, and as the pain becomes covered over with pleasure, a momentary sense of self esteem emerges – a temporary relief from the confusion of identity.

Thus, the homosexual condition is a result of the many hurts, real or perceived, that the child has suffered in the wake of a breach in relationship, overt or subtle, with a significant adult, usually of the same sex. The homosexual behavior is the activity that emerges as that “hurt child” seeks to fulfill these unmet love needs. He or she may not know how dismally these attempts will fail to impart the sense of completion and connectedness that is perhaps the most essential longing of the human soul.

The result of these efforts to meet one’s needs homosexually is that ultimately the loneliness remains and the individual is left more fragmented and ill-at-ease than ever. In addition to this emotional unwholeness, the person often blames God for his hurts and for creating him homosexual. This hinders his or her ability to trust the Creator and taste of the deep intimacy with Him that would provide comfort and strength in the face of as yet unmet inner longings.


The teaching of Scripture is that God intended for men and women to experience relational completion – an easing of aloneness – through union with a partner who is sexually distinct from them and who can thereby be a true helpmate and companion in life.

“And God created man in His own image…male and female He created them. Then the Lord God said, ‘It is not good that the man should be alone: I will make him a helper suitable for him.'” Genesis 1:27, 2:18.

Homosexuality is a relational dysfunction, and is condemned by Scripture as contrary to God’s revealed intent for man’s sexuality. In light of this, one can be sure that whether homosexuality is the result of developmental causes or inborn characteristics, it is not the result of an act of creation by God.

But is it inborn? Much research has been done in an attempt to prove that it is, but no concrete evidence has been found to support this theory. In fact, two very famous researchers in the field, Masters & Johnson, have this to say in their well known book, Human Sexuality. “Despite the interest in possible hormone mechanisms in the origin of homosexuality, no serious scientist today suggests that a simple cause-effect relationship applies.” and, “The genetic theory of homosexuality has been generally discarded today.”


Homosexuality is clearly a two fold condition. A fallen world imposes wounds, fears, identity confusion, and alienation; people react with sinful choices in an attempt to restore what has been broken and gain consolation in the midst of pain and need. Yet, the goal remains unreached; the promise of real lasting fulfillment proves to be all too elusive.


Jesus Christ is the alternative. He addresses the problem – man limited to self – and provides the way through which we can find fulfillment in God and His people. By releasing us from the dictates of the past, Jesus frees us to live as new creatures. The Holy Spirit carries on that process of change in our lives. But questions and struggles continue. His Way Out Ministries arose in response to these needs, with the aim of encouraging those with a gay background on to wholeness in Jesus. His grace is sufficient, for His strength is made perfect in weakness. He provides the mooring point for a new identity – the center out of which a true sense of wellbeing can be enjoyed. As we draw close to Him we are enabled to reflect His image in our humanity more and more fully.

The goal of our growth is the freedom to love aright – to relate intimately but non-erotically to the same sex, and to be able to address the opposite sex as a needed counterpart without fear or disinterest. As we at His Way Out Ministries believe such love is Christ’s intent for us, we affirm His capacity to carry it out in our lives, and in the lives of those who seek to be free from homosexuality.

Copyright © His Way Out Ministries

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