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Each Saturday morning beginning at 7:00am (PST) on KERI 1410AM, and live streamed at www.wilkinsradio.com, His Way Out Ministries offers a 30-minute broadcast dedicated to equipping, educating, and encouraging the Body of Christ to reach out and minister to individuals, families, and churches impacted by the brokenness of same-sex attraction.

Season 4, Episode 2
Join Pastor Phillip Lee and his special guest Dr. Clayton Ford, Interim Pastor of Chinese Community Church, San Diego, CA, author of Called to High Adventure: Living the Spirit-Filled Life

Pastor Phillip and Dr. Ford question how we arrived at a point where same-sex marriage is legal throughout America? Did we, the Church, contribute to a cultural vacuum by offering very little resistance? How did we arrive at a point where a popular error in the Church is the attempt to blur the lines of Christian ethics, making the term “Love” an omnipotent spiritual quality which has the power to validate anything done it its name.

Listen online or download the podcast.

Representing the Culture or Representing Christ with Clayton Ford pt1 – Download MP3 –

All past episodes of His Way Out Ministries Radio Broadcast are available by following THIS LINK or selecting the “Audio Podcast” category below.

Each Saturday morning beginning at 7:00am (PST) on KERI 1410AM, and live streamed at www.wilkinsradio.com, His Way Out Ministries offers a 30-minute broadcast dedicated to equipping, educating, and encouraging the Body of Christ to reach out and minister to individuals, families, and churches impacted by the brokenness of same-sex attraction.

Season 4, Episode 1
Whether the confession comes from a son, daughter, spouse or close friend, the admission of homosexuality hits like a bombshell, especially in Christian homes. Pastor Phillip Lee encourages all involved to face the issue of homosexuality honestly, compassionately, and courageously.

Listen online or download the podcast.

Facing Reality Honestly, Compassionately, and Courageously – Download MP3 –

All past episodes of His Way Out Ministries Radio Broadcast are available by following THIS LINK or selecting the “Audio Podcast” category below.

I am extremely pleased to share with you that beginning January 16, 2019, Valley Baptist Church in Bakersfield, California, will offer a Care Group/Class titled Still Waters – a relaxed, informal meeting available…

  • To anyone seeking to understand the complexities of same-sex attraction and become more effective in reaching those combating same-sex attraction.
  • Still Waters will provide a safe environment for men and women struggling with the unwanted brokenness of same-sex attraction to receive support, encouragement, truth and guidance for their journey.
  • The Care Group will assist parents, friends, co-workers, a fellow brother or sister in Christ, a neighbor, face the complexity of emotions, actions and questions that will undoubtedly surface when learning of an individual’s homosexuality.

Still Waters will meet faithfully on the 3rd Wednesday evening of each month from 6:00PM to 7:30PM at Valley Baptist Church – Fruitvale Campus, S-13, North Side of the Main Worship Center.

Teaching materials will be provided for this No Fee Care Group/Class.

Free childcare provided up through 5th grade.

All Still Waters meetings will be focused and centered on the Biblical foundations of compassion, integrity and dependence on God.

My story is not unique. Regrettably, my parents divorced when I was around three years old. Born in a very rural farm area in the north eastern corner of Arkansas, even today, many would describe the surroundings as a classic Norman Rockwell painting. Over these many years, I have occasionally made it back to the farm in Arkansas with each and every visit bringing a blend of both warmth and regret.

The warmth comes from the scenic environment, remembering Grandma whipping up another blueberry cobbler from scratch and humming a tune which accompanied each and every ingredient poured into the mouth watering mixture, going crawdad fishing in the pouring rain, sitting on Grandpa’s lap as we drove around the farm on a tractor again, and again, and again, and Dad, who always seemed much larger than life.

Certainly, the regret surfaces in remembering that I did not have the opportunity to be equally raised by both Dad and Mom. Undeniably, for better or worse, we are all significantly shaped by the kind of family life we experienced – or didn’t experience. Often, very often, the deepest wounds in a man’s life are not physical. If Dad is not present in the formative years of a young boy, which creates a void, a vacuum, a deficit, even in our adulthood years our soul will continue to crave the best from Dad.

I have come to understand that until a man unpacks and deals with the themes, pain, and addresses the unfinished business that still may remain in life – he can never be an authentic man. In other words, you cannot change what you are unwilling to visit or address, nor can you change what you don’t understand.

I don’t believe it’s a stretch to say that we all have unresolved issues in our lives. However, for a boy growing up without the monumentally important deposits of Dad, an uphill battle is created because no boy can become a real man without help. Frankly, there’s just no such thing as a self-made man. The deficit in a boy’s life which would ordinarily be met in a healthy relationship with Dad must now be overcome by other means. And, that’s were the many twists, turns and “Oh, my gosh, how did I get here?” pitfalls of life unfold. As one journeys through life seeking answers and resolution to times of intense anger, pain, extreme behaviors, obsessions, and addictions, to “feel good” can become a narcotic.

Today, many men struggle with their identity, sexuality, and gender. Some of the struggle has to do with society, family dynamics and some of it has to do with Dad. The bottom line – Dad’s presence in the home can greatly influence a boy’s masculinity or femininity. How well I remember to this day, after my parents splitting and my mother taking me to Michigan to begin a new life apart from Dad, my whole world became consumed by the influence of the female gender. Each day, every day, I was influenced by the feminine persuasion in some way or another which ultimately impacted my very young life in ways that I would not understand for years to come. Now, in all fairness, my upbringing was solid and nurturing in ways that many a boy would welcome and cherish. Thank God for a mother that over and over again put me first before herself.

However, the absent Dad factor will always enable and result in unfinished business. Today, at the age of sixty-eight, I find myself thinking about Dad more and more all the time. Intriguing how neither time nor distance prohibits or prevents visiting those hidden places in the heart.

I have often heard that our human relationships can often be a mirror of how our relationship is with God the Father. For too long, I thought my Dad really didn’t care about me. How wrong I was. Even the tragic circumstances of life can do their utmost to consume resulting in a wounded heart and a wounded heart will search and search until it finds peace, rest and clarity.

How well I remember my next to last visit in spending time with my Dad in Arkansas. He was in-and-out of reality due to his advanced stage of Alzheimer’s but he did recognize me now and then. We even had brief moments of conversation and laughter.

The journey from California to Arkansas is always a bit of a challenge in that the flight schedule is a departure from Bakersfield, CA with an ultimate arrival in Memphis, TN, followed by renting a car and making a two-hour drive to Marmaduke, AR. I know, I know!

Is there anything more wonderful and heartwarming than going home? My drive is always marked by miles and miles of farm land, crossing several bridges, and ultimately making a stop at Stuckey’s only to hear that wonderful Southern drawl that always accompanies, “Ya’ll come back now!”

Prior to my Dad having to go into a nursing home, my stepmother, Ruby, reminded me that my Dad would spend several hours sitting on the front porch looking for and anticipating my arrival each time I had opportunity to visit. Even the bitter cold did not prevent him from looking down the road hoping to catch a glimpse of me pulling into the driveway. I have pictured that scene numerous times in my mind. It warms my heart each and every time.

Always, the time with Dad flew by much too quickly. Each and every moment I had with him I continue to cherish. I clearly remember watching him like a hawk with each time his catching me gazing at him and returning my staring with a grin. I watched every move he made and wherever he went, I was there.

Heart reflections cause me to remember the times we road on the tractor to get a soda pop, going to feed the cattle, or popping in to see his pastor. It really didn’t matter. It was time with Dad. Not surprising – the glory of the son is with his Father.

Always, my departure back to California arrived much too soon. Each and every time I would begin to pack, I began wondering how will our “good-bye” go. Will there be an embrace? Will there be words of love and affirmation? Or, will that which is often unspoken say it all?

A few years ago on another trip to see Dad, I remember standing on the landing waiting for my train which was fast approaching. I gave my stepmother a hug and then looked over at Dad. As he stood there with his usual, customary posture (hands in his overalls), I said, “Bye Dad, I love you.” To my delight, his hands came out of his pockets and became outstretched to me. At that time I had to of been around forty years old or so. I received, for the first time in my life, the kind of embrace that melts your heart and instantaneously wipes away years of wondering.

In a moment, in a flash, I knew we were ok and the many years of questioning the past didn’t seem to matter any longer. Through my Dad, God the Father demonstrated the importance and value of letting go of those things which are behind and press on-ward.

Indeed, the seasons in a man’s life are often marked by challenges, victories, defeats, growing pains, and a flood of memories. Admittedly, some are to be more cherished than others.

Just about two years ago, my Dad lost his battle with Alzheimer’s. While we certainly did not have enough time with one another here in this journey called life, the day will arrive when we will be reunited and we will have eternity to make up the difference.

Interesting, even those with whom we did not have opportunity to really get to know, we can still love, and love completely, even without complete understanding.

The power of Dad can never, ever be underestimated.

See you later, Dad!

Far too many men and women have believed and accepted lies causing them to become ensnared and trapped in a false self-perception and identity.

“Sticks ‘n stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me!”

Yeah, right, I’ll buy that one!

What are some of the lies?

If you really knew me you wouldn’t love me.

This lie enables and forms a view and belief that keeps one from honest, transparent and vulnerable relationships because someone just may find out ‘the secret.’

I am just a bad, bad person.

This lie is often embraced because we bought into the notion that my worth is based upon my performance. In other words, when I do ‘bad’ things, I am bad. And when I do ‘good’ things, I am good.

Here’s a big, big lie – especially, in our present culture.

Sex is my greatest need.

Unfortunately and tragically, sex has become a byword for love. Today, far too many have bought into this lie which goes something like this: “I will die if I don’t get my ‘fix” because it’s the only time I truly feel loved and cared for by anyone.”

So, how do we address such lies and what steps are required to reject such lies?

Some times we (Christians) over spiritualize matters and disregard taking practical steps. Such as…

  • Avoid persons, places and things which reinforce and perpetuate the lies. We must seek out those persons, places, and things that under gird the truth. This, most definitely, includes seeking the empowerment of the Holy Spirit, studying God’s Word and remaining in the company of believers.
  • Avoid things that are evil. (Acts 15:20, 1 Peter 2:11) and…
  • Hold fast to things that are good. (1 Thessalonians 5:21-22)

Your self-worth, your true identity is in your relationship to Christ Jesus. If He lives in you (you are born-again), you are a new creature. (Corinthians 5:17)

Affirm this to yourself, speak this to yourself out loud in thought and word. In doing so, you will be embracing the truth of whom God says you are and you will pull the lie(s) of its pedestal.

You can do this!

Believing in Him and in you,

Pastor Phillip Lee

Whether the confession comes from a son or daughter, spouse or close friend, the admission of homosexuality hits like a bombshell, especially in Christian homes.

Instantaneously, life seems completely out of control. You are now headed in a direction you never, ever thought you would be going.

Without fail, a week does not pass without my receiving at least one phone call or email expressing, “Well, I sure didn’t think I would ever be faced with this!”

The majority of calls and emails come from pastors and parents due to a child’s or congregation member’s confession of same-sex attraction. Homosexuality always seems to be someone else’s problem until it knocks on your front door.

How well I remember having to make my own personal declaration to my mother. While my confession occurred many, many years ago, I recall, vividly, having to pick my mother up from the kitchen floor. The ironic truth is that while I felt an immediate sense of relief that “the problem” was now out, my parents, friends, and family members were instantly projected into a state of fear, bewilderment and consumed by a myriad of emotions.

Once the initial impact has subsided a bit, while Christian families know God is the answer, it still takes a long time for them to wrap their mind around how to engage God in what they perceive as needing to be done. Make no mistake, when someone we know confesses their same-sex attraction, many Christians struggle with how to maintain a Christ-like manner and position.

Every individual that awakens to their issue of same-sex attraction has already been through quite a heart-wrenching process and therefore it really doesn’t matter whether the individual has embraced the gay identity or is still combating and resisting temptation as well as seeking freedom from same-sex attraction. Often, very often, parents in particular will respond to the crisis by focusing on their own pain and deep sense of loss forgetting the individual plagued by same-sex attraction has already experienced a huge amount of pain and loss.

Speaking from experience, having waded through years of healing, discipleship, study, and surrender (at times, daily), when homosexuality hit my family, as it has a multitude of others, it brought pain, indescribable pain, and misunderstanding along with it. Largely, because (way back then), no one knew anything about the behavior. Frankly, about the only comment anyone offered was, “It’s wrong!”

Today, just like then, “that’s not good enough and completely unacceptable.”

Not long ago, a Christian friend and mother I have known for many years wrote me and once again uttered the expression I have heard so many times during the 25 years of His Way Out Ministries, “I never thought I would be contacting you with a problem of homosexuality in my family.”

The mother was understandably shattered. Initially, while the mother did respond and react appropriately standing upon the right Scriptures, the son responded with a very interesting and revealing remark.

He said, “Mom, you keep telling me how hard this is for you to hear and deal with. Don’t you realize how hard it has been for me these many, many years, being raised in a Christian home and knowing that once this got out it would kill you? Ultimately, I had to make a decision that I knew nobody would be happy with. Please consider and realize that I have my own demons to fight.”

Frankly, there is a great deal of truth in the son’s comments. Whether we agree or not with the son’s ultimate decision or conclusion that he is gay and entitled to act upon his feelings and desires (which I certainly do not), we must admit that he was right in saying he had reached his conclusion after going through quite an intense struggle on his own. It is very important to remember within the evolvement of same-sex attraction that homosexual tendencies are discovered but the gay identity is ultimately embraced. And, there is a considerable difference between the two.

When any individual discloses their battle with same-sex attraction, their confession enables an intriguing and powerful opportunity to the family and really to anyone that becomes aware. Can I truly continue to love him for who he is and not for what he does?

As a Christ-follower, if we are becoming effective in not putting unrealistic expectations on ‘anyone,’ we are in line to accept them for who they are, not for what we wish they were. It is God’s part to give those that struggle with same-sex attraction abhorrence for the behavior – an abhorrence that will bring them to a place of complete surrender to the sovereignty of God in their lives and a desire to change.

While there are no specific verses in the Bible telling us under what circumstances, if any, we should adopt this or that policy toward a homosexual loved one, let’s consider a few specific communications that need to be offered with the hope and endeavor of keeping the lines of communication open.

What the Bible says and why you disapprove of homosexuality every time you are with your child, friend, co-worker, etc., is not necessary to state. However, do make sure the individual knows the following:

  • You understand that he/she did not ask for these feelings.
  • You appreciate their honesty and transparency in disclosing their issue with same-sex attraction.
  • Your belief regarding homosexual practice as sin is not going to change.
  • You want to protect your relationship through mutual respect and understanding.
  • While you may never agree on the subject of homosexuality, you are committed to not letting that disagreement ruin your relationship.

As faithful followers of Christ Jesus, we must never affirm homosexual practice. But we can at least affirm the fact that the individual struggling with same-sex attraction has tried to be honest with us and has taken quite a risk in telling us, knowing it is not what we wanted to hear.

How well I remember disclosing my own battle with same-sex attraction and giving my family every reason to write me off. Frankly, there was no reason for my family to ever think I would repent and turn completely away from homosexuality.

Thankfully, sometimes when God calls us to release a family member or friend through a prayer of relinquishment, that doesn’t mean He is releasing them as well.

God is saying: “Do all you can do, continue to love them and wait.” Indeed, dealing with the discovery that someone you love has same-sex attraction issues is a difficult stewardship. But the God who gave us this stewardship has also equipped us to handle it and maintain a Christ-like attitude.

“For whatever things were written before were written for our learning, that we through the patience and comfort of the Scriptures might have hope.” (Romans 15:4)

Pastor Phillip Lee
His Way Out Ministries

Whether my travels take me through the States, the Caribbean or South America, I am deeply concerned about youth today and the many inaccuracies, half-truths they are often told and truth which is often withheld enabling them to make clear and intelligent decisions with regard to human sexuality and more specifically, sexual expression.

The teenage years are a crucial period for the Church of Jesus Christ to speak to youth tempted by the various and numerous forms of sexual and relational brokenness.

I submit that society, and sometimes the Church, is unwittingly promoting social experiments and various behaviors with no justification in reality and, with all probability enabling inevitable serious moral problems with potentially tragic consequences.

In trying to ascertain the rightness or wrongness of any behavior or misguided identity, it seems to me the determining factor should be consequence, not cause. Or, have we become completely ambivalent about what is morally right?

Today, the many and various subcultures into which youth are being thrust, have high rates of depression, substance abuse, alcoholism, anonymous sex, and unsafe sex practices. Few teens possess the judgment and self-control to make wise decisions in such environments.

While I have met and continue to meet with youth who are determined to resolve the issues of their sexuality, most feel too inadequate, lack motivation and do not have an individual structured in their life to help them through the process of healing and wholeness.

Reaching youth struggling with their sexual identity is something we all can do and must do to help searching youth understand God’s abundant plans for their lives and to counteract misguided agendas that seek to ruin all hope for the youth. You and I may be the only person that will have the courage to share the Good News with a youth impacted by sexual and relational brokenness.

Practically speaking…

  • Keep the consequence of sin in context. We have all fallen short of the glory of God.
  • Accepting and loving a teenager without conditions has nothing to do with condoning their behavior/lifestyle.
  • Offer to serve as an accountability and prayer partner.
  • Clearly distinguish the difference between temptation and sin.
  • Don’t overreact – be prepared for the “born that way” argument.
  • You are not expected to have all the answers.
  • Never, ever water down the Word of God.
  • Be patient and trust God completely.
  • Emphasize the key to overcoming sexual brokenness and sexual identity confusion is in Christ Jesus.

On the Cross, Jesus secured salvation for any and all who commit their lives to Him. At Calvary, Jesus’ blood put into effect the new covenant. He said, “It is finished.”

With that proclamation, anyone can now walk in the fullness of life that He intended and provides. All things are possible, as Jesus intercedes for us. Assuming our sin, shame and death, He declared, “It is finished,” which is a statement about an end. However, each end makes room for a wonderful and glorious new beginning.

While it is easy enough to become cynical about the times in which we live, remember when God is put in the equation of life, a hope that does not disappoint rises with us. It is true that the number of teens struggling with their sexuality has become alarming, but we should and must trust God and reach out to youth with the message of salvation and sexual redemption available through the Lord Jesus Christ.

Pastor Phillip Lee
Executive Director
His Way Out Ministries

“If you would be My disciple, give up your right to yourself to Me.” (Matthew 16:24)

Today, it seems that some believe we in ex-gay ministry (for lack of better expression) are out-and-about trying to catch people to de-program them from homosexual behavior.

We need to be very clear when people are asking for help. It is imperative we all remember homosexuals are people like you and me – people God loves. How will they come to know God’s love if we, as His family, do not reach out to them? How can we, the Church, truly say we are fulfilling The Great Commission If are not offering and providing ministry to those with unwanted same-sex attraction?

If we truly believe God has the power to change anything, we cannot withhold offering truth, hope, and healing through Christ Jesus. Personally, I believe the extension of His love comes about by and through discipleship.

Christian discipleship is exactly the same for the homosexual struggler as it is for any man or woman combating the very long list of habits, addictions or various behaviors that impact lives. Christian discipleship is the process by which men and women (disciples) grow in the Lord Jesus Christ and are equipped by the Holy Spirit (who resides in our hearts), to overcome the pressures, trials, and temptations that manifest in our lives and become more and more Christ-like.

But how does that play out in the practical sense?

1. Jesus must be put first in all matters of life. (Mark 8:34-38) The homosexual struggler must take a purposed and deliberate step to be set apart from the world. The individual’s focus must be on the Lord Jesus and pleasing Him in every area of life. In other words, put off self-centeredness and put on Christ-centeredness.

2. Follow all the teachings of Jesus. (John 8:31-32) Our obedience to the Father must be like that of a child which enables our being doers of the Word. Obedience is the supreme test of faith in God. (1 Samuel 28:18)

3. Expect change. (John 15:5-8) As a disciple (even those that combat same-gender attraction), our job is to abide in Christ, and “if” we do, the Holy Spirit will produce change, with change being the result of our obedience. As we become more obedient to the Lord and purposed to walk in all of His ways, our lives change. The biggest change will take place in our hearts resulting in new conduct (thoughts, words, and actions), all being representative of “change.” Ultimately, the change we all seek in our lives occurs from the inside out, through the power of the Holy Spirit.

4. In love for other believers (disciples). (John 13:34-35) Clearly, from 1 John 3:10 and 1 Corinthians 13:1-13, we see that love is not just an emotion; it is an action. We must be doing something and involved in the process of discipleship. The attitude for the homosexual struggler as well as those desiring to help or minister to those combating same-gender attraction must be fueled by the motivation of ‘love.’ When it comes to the complexities of life (including homosexuality and related issues), our ‘attitude’ should be the same as that of Christ Jesus.

5. Making disciples of others. (Matthew 28:18-20) Too often, the homosexual struggler and those that have left homosexuality are reluctant to share their faith and tell nonbelievers about the wonderful changes Jesus has made in their lives. No matter what our maturity level in Christian life, we have something to offer. Frankly, some of the most enthusiastic representatives of the Christian life are new believers who have just discovered the awesome love of God. While they may not know what their saying goodbye to “gay” fully means, they have experienced the love of God and want to share their new found lives and identify in Christ with others.

Admittedly, deliverance from homosexuality or any habit, addiction or compulsive behavior, for that matter, comes from a Person and not a method. That said, I am concerned we have gotten far away from the command and calling of our Lord to “disciple” – especially, to the homosexual struggler. Heaven knows, Christians throughout the ages have had sinful habits to overcome and misbeliefs to replace with truth.

I submit that the same Christian ‘disciplines’ that have helped a multitude will also help those struggling with same-gender attraction.

The greatest crisis in our lives just may be the surrendering of our will.

Pastor Phillip Lee
Executive Director
His Way Out Ministries

Each Saturday morning beginning at 7:00am (PST) on KERI 1410AM, and live streamed at www.wilkinsradio.com, His Way Out Ministries offers a 30-minute broadcast dedicated to equipping, educating, and encouraging the Body of Christ to reach out and minister to individuals, families, and churches impacted by the brokenness of same-sex attraction.

Season 3, Episode 26
Join Pastor Phillip Lee and his guest Pastor Brian Busby from Valley Baptist Church as they discuss the role of the Church to men, women, and their families impacted by the unwanted brokenness of same-sex attraction. They also discussed the upcoming Educational Workshop titled Demystifying Homosexuality: Defending Biblical Sexual Morality on Saturday, September 15, 2018, 1:00pm to 4:00pm at Valley Baptist Church/Olive Drive Campus.

Listen online or download the podcast.

Demystifying Same-Sex Attraction with Brian Busby – Download MP3 –

All past episodes of His Way Out Ministries Radio Broadcast are available by following THIS LINK or selecting the “Audio Podcast” category below.

Each Saturday morning beginning at 7:00am (PST) on KERI 1410AM, and live streamed at www.wilkinsradio.com, His Way Out Ministries offers a 30-minute broadcast dedicated to equipping, educating, and encouraging the Body of Christ to reach out and minister to individuals, families, and churches impacted by the brokenness of same-sex attraction.

Season 3, Episode 25
Join Pastor Phillip Lee and his special guest Dr. Clayton Ford, Interim Pastor of Chinese Community Church, San Diego, CA, author of Called to High Adventure: Living the Spirit-Filled Life and National Co-Director of Holy Spirit Renewal Ministries as they continue their discussion on how believing the Bible and trusting in its inerrancy (there are no errors), places each person on the right path of God’s absolute truth regarding His view and holy boundary lines regarding sexual behavior.

Listen online or download the podcast.

Trusting God’s Absolute Truth with Clayton Ford pt2 – Download MP3 –

All past episodes of His Way Out Ministries Radio Broadcast are available by following THIS LINK or selecting the “Audio Podcast” category below.

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