While some say – God created some men and women homosexual; acting out sexually doesn’t matter, you are saved by faith and not works; homosexuals were created to be lost; God accepts you where you are and no change is necessary – each an every one of these misguided false statements flies in the face of the Gospel of Jesus Christ. I have even tragically heard it said “the very best a homosexual can hope for is celibacy” when it comes to change. Too often, the individual trying to follow and be obedient to the full Gospel of Christ encounters someone who is there to tell him he doesn’t have to change his life, just change churches. It’s far easier to change churches than it is to be obedient and change your attitude and behavior.

Often, caught in the middle of the emotional conflict regarding “change” is the person who struggles with unwanted same-sex attraction. To him, (and I use the pronoun generically for both men and women) the issue of change is more than just an issue of emotional debate. It strikes at the very core of his being – either bringing hope or despair.

The Oxford American Dictionary defines change as to make or become different; to pass from one form or phase into another. Certainly, for any individual the greatest change is to become a Christian and know that your destination has been changed from hell to heaven; to become born-again.

The question, “can homosexuals really change?” is a fair and monumentally important question. Based upon the ministry experience of His Way Out Ministries, each person seeking to overcome same-sex attraction is different. The men and women that have exited homosexuality span a wide variety of ages, personalities, occupations, nationalities, and church denominations. Some of these men and women have been free from homosexual involvement for ten or twenty years. They are not just suppressing their homosexual or lesbian longings. There has been a true resolution of this issue in their lives.

Having been around the phenomenon of change for quite some time, I am convinced that much of the conflict regarding same-sex attraction and change comes from a misunderstanding of the meaning of change. Redemptive changes occur in all of us as human beings and are precipitated by many things – God’s timing, our desires, our commitment to God and the healing, restoration process, our past involvement in sinful behavior, and what it was that pushed us toward the particular sin in the first place. With same-sex attraction it is no different. The contributing factors to a person having an issue with same-sex attraction are numerous and complex. However, that does not minimize God’s power and sovereignty, nor does it change the undeniable biblical evidence that God can change the life of a person involved in homosexuality. Homosexuals have been experiencing change since the Bible was written. (1 Corinthians 6:9-11)

Yes, change occurs within a process; a process that takes time. Spiritual growth is a lifelong process. Working through character faults and past hurts, immaturity’s and insecurities is a long process for everyone, not just the recovering same-sex attracted individual. What are some of the specifics within the process? What are some of the battles each man and woman will undoubtedly face?

There must be an admittance I need to change. It’s pretty tough to admit I need to change, especially if I can recall having same-gender desires for as long as I can remember, and they feel natural. To admit I need to change is to say there is something wrong with the way I am or the way that I live. That’s a pretty tough pill to swallow because it hurts our ego. However, admitting that I need help is a courageous first step. Change is a cooperative venture between God and ourselves through the power of the Holy Spirit.

Leaving homosexuality is something like submitting to major spiritual surgery. Identity becomes in absolute turmoil. That should not be so surprising since anytime we make a change in our behavior, it is usually because the pain involved in that behavior outweighs the pleasure. Maybe you’ve noticed? While we know intellectually we must make a change, our feelings do not necessarily follow – men and women that say good-bye to homosexuality or lesbianism, experience grief, disorientation, and confusion. This is because when we lose something or someone important, the loss registers deep within our being. Not surprising, the loss impacts our life and we grieve. For men and women coming out of homosexuality the loss can be multifaceted: an identity, possibly a partner, a secure living situation, etc. The change is often dramatic and the grief, disorientation and sometimes confusion that often follows, can be devastating.

Exposing the roots and opening old wounds can be costly. Why study or explore the root(s) of any form of brokenness? In terms of same-sex attraction, understanding homosexuality development points the way to true resolution. The changing of any behavior necessitates retracing the steps that have brought us to this point. Looking at family dynamics, painful childhood experiences, physical or sexual abuse, peer pressure, temperament and interests, societal influences, all can play a part in shaping a persons sexual orientation. If I desire to understand how I arrived at this point, I must delve into my life, examining the path I have taken and what might have robbed me of a healthy heterosexual identity. Identifying painful situations and working through them is part of the process.

Being totally committed to the will of God. Why do some make it out of homosexuality while others don’t? One common denominator among those men and women that have experienced significant change involves the issue of surrender and control in their lives. Nothing short of total commitment to the will of God (despite feelings, emotions, hormones, temptations, etc.) will hold the same-sex attracted individual to the discipline needed for the change process. Ultimately, the Lordship of Christ and the Authority of Scripture must prevail in all circumstances and take priority regardless of what I think or feel. Sexual sin is very insidious. At its core, it is a need to be loved – to be held and treasured. But like many of Satan’s tricks, sex becomes a cheap substitute – the means to an end. Commitment to God’s will necessitates death – a death to self – a death to “what I want when I want it” and giving over to what God wants for me. It is putting God on the throne of my life instead of self.

Indeed, there is a cost to “change.” This is often, as the saying goes, “where we separate the men from the boys.” Ultimately, a person’s freedom or deliverance from homosexuality comes from a Person, rather than a method. Ironically, the interesting thing about the change process is that change itself is not the goal. Change of any type or to any degree will only occur when that person pursues a far more compelling goal and focus. Freedom, change, healing, restoration only occurs when we look upward to Jesus and are purposed to enter more deeply into fellowship with Him. As our Creator, God is the only one who knows exactly how to restore us and bring about change.

While it continues to be taught and preached God can do the impossible, do we still believe that? When it comes to the issue of same-sex attraction, the Church has become fractured and viewpoints can differ from church to church, denomination to denomination, believer to believer.

As true faithful followers of Christ Jesus, may we never forget that while our obedience to the Great Commission may cost us personally, the good news of spiritual deliverance through Jesus Christ remains an important and vital resource that all faithful followers of Christ Jesus must share.

If we are truly in love with Jesus, our willingness and obedience to go in His Name does not really cost us anything, it is a joy. But, it just might cost those who do not know Him or refuse to follow Him a great deal.

“I tell you the truth…unless a kernel of wheat falls to the ground and dies, it remains only a single seed. But if it dies, it produces many seeds. The man who loves his life will lose it, while the man who hates his life in this world will keep it for eternal life.” (John 12:24-25 NIV)

Finally, when an individual who was once controlled by his sin is now free from that sin and engaged in a new kind of life pattern, hasn’t change occurred?

Oswald Chambers states in My Utmost for His Highest, “A man is a slave for obeying unless behind his obedience there is recognition of a holy God.” I find it remarkable that God never insists on our obedience, but when we truly know Him, we want to instantly obey Him and live according to His perfect will from sunup to sundown.

Pastor Phillip Lee
Executive Director
His Way Out Ministries

Reaching men and women struggling with unwanted same-sex attraction is something we all can do and must do to help those searching. No one is doomed to be gay and you may be the only person that will have the courage to share the Good News with the same-sex attracted person. May we all trust God to do His part while we do our part.

• Keep the consequence of sin in context. God wants us to love and witness to straight sinners with the same gravity and perspective as we do to gay sinners.
• Evaluate your attitude toward homosexuals. Love never fails. Love is giving to others with their best interest at heart.
• Friendship is extremely meaningful to the homosexual struggler. Accepting and loving any individual with same-sex attraction without conditions has nothing to do with condoning their lifestyle.
• “But what if people think I’m gay?” Three words – “Get over it!” Be more concerned about your character and less about your reputation.
• Distinguish between temptation and sin. When temptation strikes (not if, but when), encourage him/her to turn to the Lord and not run from Him. No one gets to choose that which tempts them.
• Be prepared for the ‘born gay’ argument. While many believe their sexual orientation is inborn, and for that reason justifies their behavior, this theory remains unproven.
• Share your own life experiences. Many of the causes of same-sex attraction are experienced by many people. Talk about your own battles and strategies of battling weakness. rejection, loneliness, pain, lust and other temptations. Get real!
• Never water down the Word of God. Emphasize the greater struggle is not about his or her sexual choices, but rather his or her denial of the authority of Scripture and the Lordship of Christ. Do not apologize for what Scripture has clearly said about purity.
• Encourage the timid and help the weak. Extending affirmation or encouragement does not require special training, money or knowledge. Do not limit helping a same-sex attracted individual by relinquishing the responsibility to others. Do something tangible.
• Emphasize the key to overcoming same-sex attraction or any stronghold. Apart from Christ, we can do nothing. For anyone to maintain or achieve any level of purity he/she must begin and cultivate a close communion with Christ Jesus. No matter what our feelings or problems, we all must die to ourselves and follow Christ. God is not to be used simply as a means to an end. He is our goal.

When it comes to homosexuality and the many related issues, is it possible we, the Church, have been and continue to be guilty of putting ‘a cause’ before The Cross? If so, is it then possible we have abdicated our moral authority to speak to the issue of our time?

Clearly, the existence and high visibility of a movement with a clear agenda to promote the social acceptance of homosexuality (including bisexuality and transgendered peoples) is beyond debate. The motives and goals of a relatively small segment of our society has been and continues to be significant and influential.

In the words of the Apostle Paul, “All scripture is inspired by God and is useful for teaching, reproof, for correction, and for training.” (2 Timothy 3:16-17) Homosexuality is, clearly, only one of the myriad types of behavior that are condemned in the Bible, and it is condemned for the same reason as the rest – it is in direct opposition to human well-being, and an affront to the character of God. Therefore, the condemnation of homosexual practice is the perfect expression of compassion, because it seeks to warn and rescue those caught in the snare of same-sex attraction.

God has given the responsibility of outreach and ministry to all of us. Personally, I believe in and have every confidence in the Church’s ability, through Christ, to win gay communities around the world to Christ. We are all in this work together through Him, fulfilling the Great Commission. (Matthew 28:19-20) That said, what is our focus and what are our motives?

Jesus and the writers of Scripture did not hesitate to condemn sin and immorality in whatever form they found it. They did so, for one reason: to liberate men and women from the grip of spiritual, psychological and behavioral bondage. And, they refused to minimize or whitewash evil practice of any kind in order to bring as many as possible to the life-giving rule of God. Should this not be our motive today and why we go to lift high the Name of Jesus and The Cross?

While I completely agree the concern for social justice, physical and psychological health, personal responsibility and the importance of family are all values in which we the Church should be concerned, is our greater and primary concern for all people, “Are they dead in sin or alive in Christ?” If they’re dead in sin, it hardly matters what the sin is, they are dead in sin. The Cross and not ‘a cause’ must be the priority, for the homosexual – just as it must be for us all.

Our ultimate goal should not be to merely combat or bring a halt to the pro-gay movement or even to show that the biblical judgment against homosexuality is well-founded or to effect public policies – as important as all these points and matters are – we, Ambassadors for Christ, are to be instruments in the sovereign hand of God for the accomplishment of His redemptive purposes. Therefore, if we put ‘a cause’ before The Cross, we are seriously off course.

God’s passion should be our passion: “…that none should perish, but that all would have everlasting life.” (John 3:16) As an extension of the Church, I pray we all remember to put The Cross before ‘a cause.’ By introducing people to Christ Jesus and pointing them to the life-giving power of The Cross, men and women will find the freedom He has been offering them all along. Please pray that through the Holy Spirit these precious souls discover that change is possible and their eyes are open to the fullness of life that God offers all of us through His Cross – not a cause.

Pastor Phillip Lee
Executive Director
His Way Out Ministries

Is it because we are living in a state of compromise due to rampant sexual immorality? Is it because many churches think there is no problem with “that issue” in their church? Is it a fear that by extending ministry to “those people” they will attract even more such people?

Here is my concern. By not offering a Biblical response to homosexuality and extending competent ministry to those with unwanted same-sex attraction, a message of – there is no problem with “that issue” in the church, and consequently, there is no help to be had for the brokenness of same-sex attraction.

Anyone that has developed an intimate relationship with God has the capability of being a key figure in the healing process of any sexually broken person. If we will avail ourselves to the sexually broken and believe that God has the willingness and the omnipotence to empower results, we will be witness to, “The reason the Son of God appeared was to destroy the devil’s work.” (1 John 3:8)

What does a church offering ministry to those with unwanted same-sex attraction look like?

First, the church will challenge the myth that homosexuals cannot change. Many homosexuals have changed their behavior. Many have overcome their desire to engage in homosexual behavior. While logic will not allow us to conclude that all homosexuals can change, logic dictates that many can and do change. Admittedly, pro-gay people will argue that changed homosexuals are only repressing their sexuality. It is important to recognize that repressing any number of sexual drives is healthy both for individuals and for society. The belief that change is impossible is a huge impediment to any man or woman struggling with same-sex attraction beginning the change process. Anything less leaves the individual without hope.

Secondly, the church offering ministry to those with unwanted same-sex attraction will promote hope for change through the Biblical understanding of homosexual practice as sin. It is monumentally important people understand that homosexual behavior is never isolated in the Bible from other sins. When it is mentioned, it is always mentioned with other sins. God tells us through the Bible that homosexuality is wrong, because homosexual behavior is bad for any man or woman. Understanding
this judgment as the action of a loving God who wants the best for us, allows us to surrender to God and begin the process of change. Therefore, rather than judgment, we find the concept of sin to be full of hope.

Thirdly, a church offering ministry to those with unwanted same-sex attraction will offer a warm and welcoming place for those struggling with same-sex attraction. It is hard for those struggling with same-sex attraction to advance in their healing and transformation without becoming a member of a congregation. For their healing and maturing in Christ, former homosexuals must come into a church. Therefore, this requires some understanding of their struggle on the part of other members of a congregation, since those who have struggled with same-sex attraction in the past need to be able to disclose their struggle when they fell the need to share. Also they need to have no fear that revealing their past behavior might jeopardize their standing in the congregation. If people do not know their past, it is possible former homosexuals will doubt their full acceptance in the congregation.

Ultimately, The Church should be a candle in the darkness by offering a place of refuge in the process of transformation.

Admittedly, I do not presume to have all the answers but there is much we know about the causes of same-sex attraction and we also know from Scripture that God has, is and will continue to set men and women free from the snare of same-sex attraction which is clearly presented to us in 1 Corinthians 6:9-11, “…and this is what some of you were.” The promises of God are true and unfailingly fruit-bearing “if” we extend them.

From All of Us at His Way Out Ministries…
His Way Out Ministries is proclaiming to, educating and impacting the world with the biblical truth that freedom from homosexuality is possible when Jesus Christ is Lord of your life. To each of you who continually bless us by your encouragement, ministry participation, monthly financial support, offerings and prayers…we remain truly grateful!

Pastor Phillip Lee
Executive Director
His Way Out Ministries