The program, Religious Hard Talk – Television Jamaica, is a hard-hitting, controversial and thought provoking series by renowned journalist Ian Boyne. In a no holds barred interview, Mr. Boyne focused considerably on the impact of homosexuality on my family. The entire interview is available on our Vimeo Channel and is also accessible from our Media page.

How well I remember having to tell my own family of my issue of same-gender attraction. While my confession occurred many, many years ago, I vividly recall having to pick my mother up from the kitchen floor. Literally! The ironic truth is that while I felt an immediate sense of relief that “the problem” was now out, my parents, friends, and family members were instantly projected into a state of fear, bewilderment and consumed with a myriad of questions.

Pastor Phillip Lee and Ian Boyne on Religious Hard Talk

Picking up the pieces of life after declaring one is homosexual is a difficult task. Take just a moment and remember the occasion when you first learned about your loved one’s homosexuality. No doubt, many emotions surfaced, with some of them tumbling over each other in rapid succession. Shock, anger, disbelief, guilt, depression, denial, sadness, and maybe, just maybe a sense of relief occurred because the truth was finally out. Responses vary with the personalities of the individuals involved.

For many, many years now, I have met with numerous people that have the same questions you have right now. Without a doubt, parents always search for what, if anything did they do wrong. Immediately, there is a driven purpose to discover what they might say or do to “change” their son or daughter. Wives have come my way wondering if the man they thought they knew was really just some stranger they had never known. And, I have had far too many tearful sessions with parents devastated by the tragic reality of learning of their child contracting AIDS.

Having waded through years of healing, discipleship, study and countless times of surrender, for me the entire topic of homosexuality is far more than professional – it’s personal. When homosexuality hit my family many years ago, it brought indescribable pain and misunderstanding with it; largely, if not entirely, because no one had any understanding about the behavior. Frankly, the only comment anyone could make who knew was – “It’s wrong!” Today, just like way back then, “that’s not good enough.”

While anger may be the first emotion to surface, “grief” will follow closely on its heels.

For the man/woman struggling with same-gender attraction: Grief is a given. Each man or woman will grieve not measuring up, rejection of society, peer pressure, being shunned by family and friends, and…disappointing God.

For the parent: Grief will occur in their hopes and dreams becoming shattered, leaving them wondering “What did I do wrong that caused this?” Grief will occur by the parent wondering what will the future bring if my child continues on the path of homosexuality.

For the spouse: There will be an instant and debilitating battle in the mind and heart of “How do I combat this?” As a result, mourning and grieving will do their utmost to make themselves at home.

For the friend: Grief will accompany a truckload of frustrations resulting in “I’m going to get all the information available and lay it on him/her!”

How is it that many do not consider and even possibly dismiss that God Himself grieves over anyone having to combat same-gender attraction because this is a behavior, not unlike many others, that was never His plan or intention?

Allow time for the grieving process. Spend time with the Lord, allowing Him to speak to the hurt that you are experiencing. It is not disgraceful or shameful to feel great pain, a sense of loss or to weep over it. Frankly, when we receive advice telling us not to grieve, it robs us of a very normal and needful response to any trauma in life. Some, however, in an attempt to deal with the traumas of their lives, make inner vows never to cry again. This, I believe, is not healthy because it possibly places us in a state of being incapable of feeling anything – including the love and compassion of the Lord. Giving ourselves permission to grieve enables us to give our grief over to the Lord who “carried our sorrows” (Isaiah 53:4) in His death on the Cross.

Yes, homosexuality is one of the various and numerous behaviors God commands every man and woman to refrain from practicing. So, do not ever compromise your beliefs about homosexuality. Relationships can be preserved without compromise. Indeed, appropriate boundaries will need to be established and some negotiating with regard to mutual respect and patience. It is possible to be both honest and loving while remaining firm in our convictions.

Whether you have come face-to-face with your own issue of same-gender attraction or face-to-face with a loved one’s homosexuality, I guarantee you will become more aware than ever of your inability to face life’s challenges apart from the grace of God. Yes, when homosexuality surfaces in a marriage, family, friendship, or church, in some respects life may never be quite the same again.

I came to understand that God’s promises of mercy are to all that trust in Christ and I was challenged to accept them by simple faith. The more I developed my intimate relationship with Jesus, the more my fears subsided, and, in their place, peace and confidence grew.

It is very, very important to remember that God does bring good out of trouble. Otherwise sorrow will swallow us up. Homosexuality took my self-respect and gave me guilt, took my honor and gave me shame, took my honesty and gave me a double life, took gentleness and made me a deceiving, angry man. However, out of all that stuff, came a close walk with God, freedom, strength and vulnerability to help others, and maybe, just maybe, the beginning of wisdom. It’s been quite a journey and all worth while.

Brothers and sisters, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead. I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus. (Philippians 3:13-14).

Pastor Phillip Lee
Executive Director
His Way Out Ministries

© copyright His Way Out Ministries

Dear Friends and Ministry Partners of His Way Out Ministries,

When my heart and spirit is troubled, I pour my thoughts out in writing. I have been, as I remain, greatly troubled with regard to what is happening in the Church regarding homosexuality. Admittedly, The Church has always faced problems, but the scope and intensity of its problem regarding homosexuality seems to be greater than any previous time in history. How did things get to this point?

An increase of the “gay is good” notion within the Church, along with a considerable decline in the moral tone of America literally now threatens the stability of the Church. Morality on the part of many appears to be minimal.

Is it possible that given the crisis of homosexuality in the Church, and the persecution by many that uphold the Authority of Scripture which clearly defines the practice of homosexuality, in any form and to any degree, a sin, are being separated as true believers from the merely professing to be Christian?

There is no doubt we are witnessing an increase and a rise to an amoral society. That said, Church history clearly dictates that persecution has generally purified and strengthened the Church. Today, however, The Church, called to be salt and light, appears to be greatly struggling today to find its relevance. There was time when The Church set societal standards.

Therefore, what are the prospects for The Church (Christians) choosing to confront and combat what appears to be a growing complacency and neglect regarding homosexuality? If we as true, faithful followers of Christ Jesus, face and discuss this critical issue in a rational and loving way hoping and praying to produce principles that may warn and encourage The Church with regard to the future, is it possible our attention to what lies before us will produce a stronger Church?

I remain convinced for proper spiritual guidance in the life of every Christian and the Christian community, our authority must be rooted in special revelation which must guide all reason, emotion, and the will- individually and collectively. We can and we must be accepting of the same-sex attracted man or woman, but we can never accept a theology or a way of life that flies in the face of God’s Word.

Frankly, I do not know of a time when we have needed God’s intervention so desperately. No nation has squandered as many opportunities as we have. It does seem unrealistic to expect a revival when far too many appear to be unwilling to face the harassment that might well come to us all. But if we humble ourselves and weep for this nation, God may yet intervene and restore decency to this crazed nation and world.

I hope, I pray, the knowledge of God and what He has clearly stated in His Word, is not fading from view. We must call on God for His mercy, and if it please Him He will come to our aid.

Pastor Phillip Lee
Executive Director
His Way Out Ministries

Some time ago, an article in the Bakersfield Californian Newspaper focused on National Coming Out Day with the articles emphasis being “Should a lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender person come out to you, please be kind.” I couldn’t agree more. Instead of mocking or condemning, we, The Church, should apologize for any wrongs we might have committed out of ignorance. Ultimately, we should take responsibility for any and all harsh words or hurtful actions.

It remains a fact that for far too long homosexual men and women were despised simply because they experienced homosexual feelings and attractions. Now, in the name of diversity and tolerance, many are endorsing homosexual behavior, thinking they are helping to right the wrongs of centuries of unjust persecution. The healthiest position is to love all people with same-gender attraction, while at the same time sharing undeniable facts and truth with regard to homosexual practice.

As a Christian, I believe in the sanctity of life. All life is sacred and deserves to be celebrated. As a result, I remain both alarmed and grieved over the many discrepancies and illusions that continue to be offered and promoted regarding “gay.” As a Pastor, and more importantly, as a Christian, I am willing to set aside the Bible for just a moment and consider homosexual practice from a very real and practical standpoint.

“For Many Gay Men, We Must Come Out Twice,” an article offered in the October 11, 2012 issue of The Advocate, which proclaims to be “the world’s leading gay news source,” a chilling realization and depiction of homosexual practice is offered in detail. The article states:

“While today is a day to celebrate who we are, we must also acknowledge the hard reality facing gay men in this nation, especially young gay men. Evidence suggests that those who come out and live openly as gay men are more likely to become HIV-positive. Young gay and bisexual men are the only group in which HIV infections are increasing, with young black gay men seeing an alarming 48% spike in new infections between 2006 and 2009. As we celebrate National Coming Out Day, our community must once again come together and support young gay and bisexual men and help them grow into adulthood HIV-free.”

In the December 6, 2012 edition of The Advocate, another article titled Why Are HIV Rates So High Amongst Young Gay Men? focused on a critically important and shocking truth that we are in a second HIV epidemic among U.S. Gay men “that no one is talking about.”

AIDS was first described in June of 1981 as “an unusual disease that was causing primarily young homosexual men to lose their ability to fight off otherwise common and non-harmful diseases.” GRID (Gay Related Immune Deficiency), as it was first called, soon took the name of Acquired Immune Deficiency Syndrome or AIDS. It was shown to affect anyone who was either sexually or through intravenous means was infected by some agent which caused the immune system to be compromised over time. How well I remember this horrific tragedy unfold as some of my closest friends were the first to pass away from AIDS while living in San Francisco in 1981.

Speaking for myself, I would say this. When I meet people with HIV/AIDS, it doesn’t matter to me how they got it. All that matters is that they are human beings whom God loves so much and asks us to love too. Admittedly, some of my more theological friends may question this. I don’t mind. HIV/AIDS clearly forces all of us to make hard choices, choices that reveal clearly what kind of people we are choosing to be. Tragically, there are those that call for callous unconcern by deserting and even persecuting the person with HIV/AIDS. However, my continued hope and prayer is that we all would resolve to follow Christ Jesus, who willingly took risks, crossed barriers, touched lepers, met freely with the despised, took the blame, even bore the stigma.

Ultimately, we must talk about HIV/AIDS. Why? Because this about people and not just an issue. In the name of decency, true compassion, humanity and the sanctity of life (all life), the truth cannot and must not be ignored or suppressed with what continues to unfold regarding HIV/AIDS. People’s lives are not made better – physically, psychologically, spiritually or socially – as a result of ignoring or unwillingness to talk about a real, true crisis of our time.

For their support throughout my own personal journey with HIV/AIDS, I thank God for my family, especially my mother and brother, my church, the many wonderful brothers and sisters in Christ, that have stood by and supported me, not always knowing what to say or do, but you were there.

HIV/AIDS is a disease that impacts real people and their loved ones who must learn to face this together, because no one can face it alone. People facing HIV/AIDS do better when they know what to expect on the journey. They do best when they don’t have to find their way alone. The journey begins with “talking about it.”

Not entirely, but all most, the Church has mostly avoided the crisis of HIV/AIDS. The Church cannot, the Church must not underestimate itself since it holds the only answer there is to the growing crisis of HIV/AIDS. Experts agree that the answer to halting the AIDS growing epidemic globally is not treatment, but prevention. They also agree that the best hope for prevention lies in changing human behavior. Never has the need and the opportunity been greater for the Christian community to take the lead in responding to this crisis with conviction and compassion.

We as Christians have to be concerned – no, committed – under the imperatives of the Bible to minister to those people (all people) suffering the devastating effects of HIV/AIDS. Ultimately, your willingness and participation can make a difference in the lives and the eternal destinies of millions. Jesus Christ preached the Gospel and showed compassion to the suffering.

We, the Church, must respond by following His example.

Pastor Phillip Lee
Executive Director
His Way Out Ministries

© Copyright His Way Out Ministries