Questions and Answers – Saturday, March 8, 2014

Hearing the words “I am a homosexual” can be devastating for an unsuspecting parent, grand-parent, spouse, sibling, or child. Such an admission will most likely be just the beginning of an on-going process that may take quite some time to work through.

Twenty-eight years ago, as a 35-year-old man in the throws of a battle with same-gender attraction, there wasn’t much help (if any at all) for me and the many, many others struggling with unwanted same-gender attraction. But God had a plan and He knew exactly what I needed, as He led me to a church where I found and experienced unconditional love and acceptance.

Christians with “gay-identified” loved ones are often eager to share the good news of Christ, but they wonder how they can do so without sounding judgmental. And can they actually promise those they love that change is possible – is change possible? If so, how is that defined and what does that look like?

Churches too want to be involved with ministry to homosexuals, but they are often too unsure of how to proceed. Should active gays be invited to church? Should the church start some sort of formal outreach – and what do they do when homosexuals do come to Christ? Are there effective ways to follow-up on new believers from a homosexual background?

I believe I can safely assume that someone you love or care deeply about is homosexual. If I were a betting person, which I am not, I would bet that you do not approve of homosexuality, but care about the “person.” And, rightfully so, as this is ultimately about people and not just an issue.

I will also assume and, hope greatly, that you would like to protect your relationship with him or her without compromising your beliefs. Many of you are probably hoping that the person whom you love will abandon homosexual behavior. No doubt, there are others, having found out about your homosexual loved one, are very anxious to know what to say or do, and what not to say or do.

There is hope. Change can happen. For some, the admission of homosexuality can bring a family closer together as they unite to help the gay family member through some very deep waters of change. But even when your loved one doesn’t seek change, your understanding of the complexities of same-sex attraction can be immensely helpful.

For the past twenty years or so, I have ministered with many people who have had very similar questions to yours. I have ministered to parents rebounding from the shock and horror of discovery, wanting to know what, if anything, they did wrong. Or what they can say or do to change their son’s or daughter’s mind.

I’ve listed to the concerns of family members who’ve asked how to handle their openly gay sibling’s wanting to spend time with their kids, or what their policy should be at a family gathering. Still others have asked to answer the claims of relatives who say they can be both homosexual and a Christian. Frankly, my interest in this subject is far more than professional. Homosexuality hit my family a very long time ago, bringing indescribable pain and misunderstanding along with it.

It never ceases to amaze me how often I find myself having lunch with friends or at any number of gatherings where the conversation often turns to homosexuality. Feeling very unequipped on the subject as Christians, they want answers to questions ranging from “Is it genetic?” to “Does the Bible really condemn homosexuality?” to “How can I love Christ and my gay neighbor without compromising what I believe?” Questions like these – and many others – are on the minds and hearts of Christians everywhere due to the increased awareness of homosexuality in our society. Fifty years ago a class like this would not have even been considered. Possibly not even twenty years ago. Being attracted to one’s own gender was simply not a topic for meaningful discussion in most circles.

Obviously, things have changed. And yet in the Church we still seem to be lagging sadly behind in having a workable, Scriptural response to the homosexuals that are looking to us (The Church) for “good news.” For too many, the Church seems like a place where “certain sinners” are not welcome. Many Christians still find it hard to believe it’s possible that their church has members who deal with same-sex attraction. For the most part, these men and women struggle quietly. For the majority, admitting to homosexual temptations is still just too risky.

Is it possible that we in the Church have also given some wrong signals to those how do come to faith in Christ. For example, we’ve taken verses such as 2 Corinthians 5:17, which says, “Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come!” and mistranslated it to mean, “Come to Christ and get fixed immediately. And if you struggle after you come to Christ, there’s something wrong with you.”

Transformation is a process. Many Christians struggle in their forward movement to maturity. However, God is gracious and more than able to love us in spite of our fallibility. And that’s our task as Ambassadors for Christ: to effectively communicate God’s grace and power to change to a world that thinks to be a Christian one must either be perfect or a hypocrite.

I am confident you each would agree that it is incredibly frustrating, if not irritating to see numerous pro-homosexual movies and television programs (and they are on the increase), while there are so few resources offered from a Christian perspective available to help people with homosexual loved ones.

Therefore, on Saturday, March 8, 2014 from 9:00am to 11:00am at the His Way Out Ministries office, we will gather for Questions and Answers – a relaxed and informal meeting to discuss:

Is it our fault our child is gay? Would another male role model help my son affected by the loss of his father? Should we force our daughter to go to counseling? How do I bring up the subject of homosexuality so our family can talk about it? Will we push our son away if we frequently bring up the subject of homosexuality? Can I do anything more concrete than pray for my son struggling with same-sex attraction?

Why does His Way Out Ministries offer Questions and Answers?

We want to help you understand your same-sex attracted loved one while remembering to understand a person does not mean that you necessarily agree with them.

We want to help you preserve your relationship without compromising your own beliefs.

And finally, we want to help you present and express the biblical truths regarding homosexuality.

John 1:14 tells us, “The Word was made flesh, and dwelt among us, (and we beheld his glory, the glory as of the only begotten of the Father), full of grace and truth.”

This Scripture clearly dictates our goal when trying to reach or reason with anyone struggling with same-sex attraction: to be honest and truthful, tempered with grace. When someone you love is homosexual, you quickly become acutely aware of your inability to face life’s challenges apart from the grace of God. Please make plans to join us on Saturday, March 8th for Questions and Answers.

For more information about Questions and Answers, please visit hiswayout.com/calendar

From All of Us at His Way Out Ministries…
His Way Out Ministries is proclaiming to, educating and impacting the world with the biblical truth that freedom from homosexuality is possible when Jesus Christ is Lord of your life. To each of you who continually bless us by your encouragement, ministry participation, monthly financial support, offerings, and prayers…we remain truly grateful.

Pastor Phillip Lee
Executive Director
His Way Out Ministries

Christian ministry to those with unwanted same-sex attraction has been made far too complicated by many. We, The Church, must consider and examine the bigger biblical picture of what God intended for all men and women. If we truly care for homosexuals and are genuinely concerned with regard to their struggle with same-sex attraction, the ministry we extend must be done so as presented to us in Matthew 28:19: “Therefore go and make disciples…”

The call of discipleship is extended to the entire Body of Christ and is no less relevant today than when it was first given. Ultimately, biblical discipleship is the act of one person intentionally impacting the life of some other person in the direction of Christlikeness (2 Timothy 2:2) and one person dealing with another person personally.

How well I remember surrendering my life to Christ on October 5, 1985, entering Church for the first time in my life and immediately began to be discipled. I am most definitely the product of true discipleship and I remain confident I would not be here today without my having been discipled. To be clear and at the risk of possibly being misunderstood, my discipleship was not fulfilled just by fellowship, accountability, bible study or listening to sermons. While these are most definitely good and godly elements to discipleship, they lack the individual attention that Jesus Himself modeled. Jesus made a practice of spending time with the disciples. This, I believe, was the essence of His training program. Throughout Scripture, Jesus shows how important relationship development is to growing and maturing a disciple. If this does not happen, the individual (disciple) may easily feel more like a project and not a person.

I clearly remember in my being discipled, the subject of homosexuality was virtually never discussed. Frankly, I was grateful. I didn’t need to talk about the problem. I knew what the problem was. I wanted to talk about the answer. Biblical discipleship is real and personal. It cannot be accomplished via books, DVD’s, TV or speakers in an auditorium. All of these things may be useful, but discipleship is being there. Thankfully and gratefully, truth was presented to me that led to moving beyond the obvious and launching out entirely by faith and embracing Jesus’ word to “lose ourselves for His sake.” (Matthew 10:39) and Ephesians 5:29)

Discipleship is the relationship between a teacher (discipler) and student (disciple). Within the relationship is commitment, authenticity, vulnerability, love and accountability. When all is said and done, discipleship is leading the disciple into a vital experience with God.

At the core of same-sex attraction brokenness is a spiritual problem. Any and all spiritual problems require a spiritual solution. Admittedly, sexual purity is a challenge and it is very easy to compromise. However, when a faithful follower of Jesus Christ fully surrenders and submits to His ways, putting their full trust in Him and purposed to grow in His likeness, the individual is taking purposed steps to flee sexual immorality, which greatly glorifies and honors God. It’s extremely important we remember that God cares about our heart and mind, not just our outward actions.

Many people I meet who have not personally struggled with same-sex attraction feel they could be of no help to anyone struggling with homosexuality or lesbianism. This could not be further from the truth. Yes, God does often use the experience of those who have walked a similar path to provide direction and encouragement to others, and this has certainly been true in my own life.

Actually, those whom God used most significantly in my own healing were men and women who never, ever struggled with same-sex attraction. I’ve heard this repeated so often by other former gays and lesbians that I’ve lost count. So, please, if you are a woman or man who has never even had a same-sex thought in your life, please be encouraged that God can significantly use you to help someone struggling with same-sex attraction. Again, it’s called “discipleship.” Discipleship involves laying down our lives for others (John 15:13). It is most definitely an act of love, expecting nothing in return. Ultimately, after we have extended ourselves to another, we must at some point take a step back and allow God to be God.

Ultimately, making disciples is much more than just transferring biblical knowledge. If biblical knowledge by itself were the key to Christian maturity, we should have the most spiritual generation of Christians in history. Clearly, the Apostle Paul recognized that each believer is unique and needs individual attention, “We proclaim Him, admonishing every man and teaching every man with all wisdom, no that we may present every man complete (mature) in Christ. For this purpose also I labor, striving according to His power, which mightily works with me.” (Colossians 1:28-29)

I freely admit I do not have all the answers to the complexities of same-sex attraction. However, I am willing to go with the individual to the One that does. For the man or woman who has accepted Jesus Christ as their personal Savior, who has repented of their sexual sin, and who is seeking to yield their life to the Lordship of Christ, other believers must be willing to come along side, invite them into their homes, invite them into their families, invite them into their lives, and help them fulfill their destiny in Christ. A huge mistake is made when anyone imagines that the man or woman dealing with same-sex attraction needs to be approached with the claims of the Gospel in some totally unique way.

For the man or woman overcoming same-sex attraction, their journey must ultimately be their own. In that regard, their central focus and primary motivation must always be about pursuing a relationship with Jesus Christ. This is greatly accomplished through God’s practical application of being discipled. No matter how broken or sinful an individual’s past may be, he or she can become more that they ever dreamed or imagined. With God all things are possible.

Pastor Phillip Lee
Executive Director
His Way Out Ministries

December 1, 2013 is World AIDS Day and I find myself doing a considerable amount of reflection. For me, HIV/AIDS is far more than professional – it’s personal.

If you are like me, I often go for long periods of time without ever taking stock of the contents of my address book. And if you are really like me your address book is full of notes, comments and names that have been both penciled in and inked in, arrows drawn to connect various pieces of information and generally an entire hodgepodge of stuff reflecting numerous years of life’s special moments, dates and especially, people.

As the fight against the AIDS pandemic continues, there remains a legitimate concern that public awareness campaigns, education, and condom distribution are simply not working to stop the disease. At the same time, the quest by researchers to find a cure continues.

Experts agree that the answer to stopping the AIDS epidemic globally is not treatment, but prevention. They also agree that the best hope for prevention lies in changing human behavior. Never has the need and the opportunity arisen for the Christian community to take the lead in responding to this present crisis with conviction and compassion.

Many local churches, missionary agencies, faith-based organizations, and Christian hospitals are making a difference on the front lines of the remaining crisis around the world. They teach and model the biblical principles of abstinence and marital fidelity. They offer comfort without condemnation to those living with HIV/AIDS. They provide loving care for multitudes of widows and orphans. Above all, they are called and equipped to meet the spiritual needs of men, women and children affected by this on-going pandemic.

It is an undeniable tragic fact that nations, communities, and families have lost leaders of today and tomorrow. Health care systems have been overwhelmed, economies undermined, and schools robbed of both students and teachers. I remain convinced the continuing global tragedy cries out for a united Christian response.

While I certainly have no desire to sound like a prophet of doom, I could not deny the blatant realization of reading through my address book. The A’s, B’s, C’s, thumbing all the way through to “Z,” only to have each alphabetical section bring a wave of emotion. Each page of every section reflected at least one and often two names that are no long with us. Enough.

It is my continued hope and prayer that when the history of the 21st Century is written, may it be said of The Church of Jesus Christ, that we showed the love of Christ by leading the way in defeating HIV/AIDS. This is all about people.

From All of Us at His Way Out Ministries…

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!

Pastor Phillip Lee
Executive Director
His Way Out Ministries