Whether the confession comes from a son or daughter, spouse or close friend, the admission of homosexuality hits like a bombshell, especially in Christian homes. Instantaneously, life seems completely out of control. You are now headed in a direction you never, ever thought you would be going.

Without fail, a week does not pass without my receiving at least one phone call or email expressing, “Well, I sure didn’t think I would ever be faced with this!” The majority of calls and emails come from pastors and parents due to a child’s or congregation member’s confession of same-sex attraction. Homosexuality always seems to be someone else’s problem until it knocks on your front door.

Several years ago, a documentary about how relatives respond to the disclosure that their loved one is struggling with homosexual confusion was released. Many of the individuals in the documentary are friends and/or ministry colleagues. The title of the documentary is, “How Do You Like Me Now?”

How well I remember having to make the above declaration to my parents. While my confession occurred many, many years ago, I recall, vividly, having to pick my mother up from the kitchen floor. The ironic truth is that while I felt an immediate sense of relief that “the problem” was now out, my parents, friends, and family members were instantly projected into a state of fear, bewilderment, and consumed by a myriad of emotions.

Once the initial impact has subsided a bit, while Christian families know God is the answer, it still takes a long time for them to wrap their minds around how to engage God in what they perceive as needing to be done. Make no mistake, when someone we know confesses their same-sex attraction, many Christians struggle with how to maintain a Christ-like manner and position.

Every individual that awakens to their issue of same-sex attraction has already been through quite a heart-wrenching process and therefore it really doesn’t matter whether the individual has embraced the gay identity or is still combating and resisting temptation as well as seeking freedom from same-sex attraction. Very often, parents will respond to the crisis by focusing on their own pain and deep sense of loss forgetting the individual plagued by same-sex attraction has already experienced a huge amount of pain and loss.

Speaking from experience, having waded through years of healing, discipleship, study, and surrender (at times, daily), when homosexuality hit my family, as it has a multitude of others, it brought pain, indescribable pain, and misunderstanding along with it. Largely because (way back then), no one knew anything about the behavior. Frankly, the only comment anyone offered was, “It’s wrong!” Today, just like then, that’s not good enough and completely unacceptable.

Not long ago, a Christian friend and mother I have known for many years wrote me and once again uttered the expression I have heard so many times during the 22 years of His Way Out Ministries, “I never thought I would be contacting you with a problem of homosexuality in my family.” The mother was understandably shattered. Initially, while the mother did respond and react appropriately standing upon the right Scriptures, the son responded with a very interesting and revealing remark. He said, “Mom, you keep telling me how hard this is for you to hear and deal with. Don’t you realize how hard it has been for me these many, many years, being raised in a Christian home and knowing that once this got out it would kill you? Ultimately, I had to make a decision that I knew nobody would be happy with. Please consider and realize that I have my own demons to fight.”

Frankly, there is a great deal of truth in the son’s comments. Whether we agree or not with the son’s ultimately decision or conclusion that he is gay and entitled to act upon his feelings and desires (which I certainly do not), we must admit that he was right in saying he had reached his conclusion after going through quite an intense struggle on his own. It is very important to remember within the evolvement of same-sex attraction that homosexual tendencies are discovered but the gay identity is ultimately embraced. And, there is a considerable difference between the two.

When any individual discloses their battle with same-sex attraction, their confession enables an intriguing and powerful opportunity to the family and really to anyone that becomes aware. “Can I truly continue to love him for who he is and not for what he does?” As a Christ-follower, if we are becoming effective in not putting unrealistic expectations on “anyone,” we are in line to accept them for who they are, not for what we wish they were. It is God’s part to give those that struggle with same-sex attraction abhorrence for the behavior – an abhorrence that will bring them to a place of complete surrender to the sovereignty of God in their lives and a desire to change.

While there are no specific verses in the Bible telling us under what circumstances, if any, we should adopt this or that policy toward a homosexual loved one, let’s consider a few specific communications that need to be offered with the hope and endeavor of keeping the lines of communication open. What the Bible says and why you disapprove of homosexuality every time you are with your child, friend, co-worker, etc., is not a necessary state. However, do make sure the individual knows the following:

• You understand that he/she did not ask for these feelings.
• You appreciate their honesty and transparency in disclosing their issue with same-sex attraction.
• Your belief regarding homosexual practice as sin is not going to change.
• You want to protect your relationship through mutual respect and understanding.

While you may never agree on the subject of homosexuality, you are committed to not letting that disagreement ruin your relationship.

As faithful followers of Christ Jesus, we must never affirm homosexual practice. But we can at least affirm the fact that the individual struggling with same-sex attraction has tried to be honest with us and has taken quite a risk in telling us, knowing it is not what we wanted to hear.

How well I remember disclosing my own battle with same-sex attraction and giving my family every reason to write me off. Frankly, there was no reason for my family to ever think I would repent and turn completely away from homosexuality. Thankfully, sometimes when God calls us to release a family member or friend through a prayer of relinquishment, that doesn’t mean He is releasing them as well. God is saying: “Do all you can do, continue to love them and wait.” Indeed, dealing with the discovery that someone you love has same-sex attraction issues is a difficult stewardship. But the God who gave us this stewardship has also equipped us to handle it and maintain a Christ-like attitude.

“For whatever things were written before were written for our learning, that we through the patience and comfort of the Scriptures might have hope.” (Romans 15:4)

Pastor Phillip Lee
Executive Director
His Way Out Ministries

His Way Out has been faithfully ministering to men and women seeking a way out of sexually broken lifestyles since 1994. We could not do it without the support of Christians like you. Every dollar that you give to His Way Out Ministries helps to further this vital ministry. Won’t you take a minute to prayerfully consider a monthly donation to His Way Out? Please consider making a one-time donation or set up a secure monthly PayPal contribution on our donation page at https://www.hiswayout.com/donate/. Thank you, Pastor Phillip Lee

His Way Out Ministries Podcasts are dedicated to equipping, educating, and encouraging the Body of Christ to reach out and minister to individuals, families, and churches impacted by the brokenness of same-sex attraction.

Season 1, Episode 7
Our seventh broadcast is titled “Homosexuality vs The Authority of Scripture.”

Why has the issue of homosexuality been so divisive to the Church?

In many respects, the dividing line seems to be whether the Bible is ‘inspired’ and without error in its original delivery to the prophets from God. Ultimately, the true crisis we face today is the Lordship of Christ and the Authority of Scripture. It really does seem that ‘society’ is often dictating to the Church what the Church should believe.

In many respects, the Church has not been given any choice but to challenge and confront those that promote ‘gay is good’ in a stand against the denigration of biblical authority, the loss of a coherent definition of family, and the sexual exploitation of children.

Frankly, the battle(s) that rages, is not over just a persons’ sexuality, but rather over which spirit will claim that person’s allegiance. The cultural battle over homosexuality has become in many respects the defining moment for our society.

The more important aspect of this battle is not the political one; it is the one for the individual human soul.

Listen online or download the podcast.

Homosexuality vs The Authority of Scripture with Pastor Phillip Lee – Download MP3 –

All past episodes of His Way Out Ministries Radio Broadcast are available by following THIS LINK or selecting the “Audio Podcast” category to the right.

Many years ago, I withdrew from being both politically correct and church correct when it comes to the subjects of homosexual practice and HIV/AIDS.

As an individual that knows all too well the realities of homosexual practice and combating the HIV virus since January of 1993, I am frequently alarmed by those that promote homosexual practice, and more so by those that have chosen to remain silent.

I remain convinced that an appropriate question to consider is: Are the qualities or consequences of homosexuality beneficial or detrimental to individuals? If homosexual behavior is essentially detrimental to an individual thereby greatly threatening the sanctity of life, then we have the responsibility to speak up and present truth.

While AIDS is not solely a homosexual disease, the disease was confined almost exclusively to homosexuals in the beginning years of the epidemic in the United States. I personally witnessed this horrific tragedy unfold while living in San Francisco having several personal friends die of AIDS at the beginning stages of what is now a pandemic. Tragically, the reality and threat of AIDS has not stopped men from engaging in unprotected sex and the continued risk-taking by many is not due to a lack of awareness.

Warning: the following article is very detailed and graphic.
Crisis Magazine Their Sexual Proclivities Are Killing Them

There is, therefore, little to no evidence that homosexual practice can be anything other than a severe threat to the sanctity of life. That said, all efforts should and must continue to better understand and find a cure for AIDS and AIDS-related diseases. However, if the sexual behavior that is fundamental to most homosexual practice constitutes the primary means of transmitting such disease, then it only makes sense for society to do all it can to decrease such behavior which ultimately protects the sanctity of life.

Today, maybe more than ever, what matters morally should be determined on the basis of our best understanding of what constitutes human well-being. Those behaviors and lifestyles which promote physical health are to be encouraged, while those which are essentially injurious are to be avoided.

For each and every faithful follower of Christ, all life is sacred and to be celebrated. As society and the Church continues to ascertain the rightness or wrongness of homosexual practice, I will continue to hope and pray that more will consider the undeniable facts regarding the effects of homosexual practice which often greatly impacts if not reduces the longevity and sanctity of life.

Is it possible that the reason God has been so specific in His Word about not practicing certain behaviors is because He is doing His utmost to protect us from unseen danger?

If, as Christians, we believe life is sacred, we must be life’s protectors.

Pastor Phillip Lee
Executive Director
His Way Out Ministries

His Way Out has been faithfully ministering to men and women seeking a way out of sexually broken lifestyles since 1994. We could not do it without the support of Christians like you. Every dollar that you give to His Way Out Ministries helps to further this vital ministry. Won’t you take a minute to prayerfully consider a monthly donation to His Way Out? Please consider making a one-time donation or set up a secure monthly PayPal contribution on our donation page at https://www.hiswayout.com/donate/. Thank you, Pastor Phillip Lee

As Christ-followers, anytime we talk about growing beyond sin (sexual sin), we are really talking about the biblical concept of sanctification. After being born again, or saved, we are continually, by the Spirit of God, being transformed into more Christ-like men and women: Listen to 2 Corinthians 3:18, “But we all, with open face beholding as in a glass the glory of the Lord, are changed into the same image from glory to glory, even as by the Spirit of the Lord.”

Spiritual warfare, mortification of the flesh, trials, temptations, and God’s chastening, are all guaranteed in Scripture as part of the Christian life. Sanctification and the overcoming of sin is often viewed as negative, dreary aspects of Christian living. Nonetheless, all that I have just mentioned are part of being a Christian.

“As many as I love,” Jesus said, “I rebuke and chasten.” (Revelation 3:19) And on the subject of chastening – as in correcting – the author of Hebrews points out, “But if you are without chastening, of which all have become partakers, then you are illegitimate and not sons.” (Hebrews 12:8) I wonder if you have considered that God’s divine interruption in your life just might explain why you feel such discomfort over (you fill in the gap). If it seems that God is hounding you a bit – it’s because He is.

For some, the question of “Why did God allow me to become exposed or get caught?” may be all too real, if not appropriate. Why, indeed? Many just may have been getting away with any number of inappropriate behaviors, fantasies, temptations, contemplations, or sinful scenarios for years. So why, all of a sudden, does the wife get the urge to check the computer history? Or why were you seen entering a known ‘sex establishment’? Why did the affair come to light? Why come out of the closet now?

Many think that punishment is the answer since punishment seems more than appropriate or justified. Many think that God is giving a long overdue kick in the butt. You sinned; you’re busted; you suffer. And that, many think, is all there is to it.

But if that is your possible conclusion, you’re underestimating both God’s purposes and your potential. Divine interruption isn’t punishment. It’s really an act of love to keep you from going any further in your error. And, it is also evidence of God’s ongoing interest in you and your future.

I would be the first to admit that it’s a very scary thing when your Heavenly Father yanks you off your bike (sort of speak) and lets your sin be known. However, it is much, much scarier if He doesn’t, because what would that say about you? If God isn’t chastening/correcting us, then He isn’t Fathering us; if He isn’t Fathering us, then we don’t belong to Him. So, this isn’t punishment; it’s proof of ownership. And what often brings it about is a crisis of truth that generates unpleasant but necessary pain.

No one illustrates this better than David, who embodied both the kind of greatness we’d love to achieve and also the level of failure we pray we’ll avoid. Considering David’s life, at least the episodes that included adultery and murder, it’s easy enough to see how the crisis of truth God sent him also became his painful salvation.

I’m convinced that David’s tragedy began with a compromise much less notorious than the “big sin” that followed. Often, it’s not that considered, yet it’s plainly recorded in Scripture. David, a man after God’s own heart, had sexually compromised decades before his most notorious transgression with Bathsheba.

After his fall with Bathsheba, David knew he had done wrong, but nothing indicates he confessed it or, for that matter, even dealt with it. Clearly, David knew what God’s law said about his behavior, but he ignored the law and the behavior as well.

How many have crossed “the line” like David? Few individuals get caught the first time around. Usually, they repeat whatever sexual activity they’re into without consequence. Or, I should say, without external consequence. There is no such thing as getting away with sin. At the very least it hinders fellowship with God, hardens the heart, and pollutes the mind. Still, there seems to be a period – a long one, sometimes – during which an individual regularly indulges in sexual sin and seems to get away with it.

When that happens, it’s not because God is ignoring the sin. He is, rather, giving the individual what I would call space for repentance. That’s an undefined period in which God gives us room to take care of the problem before the problem overwhelms us.

If you have been given space to repent, you will more than likely do one of two things: you’ll either use it wisely by taking action while you can, or you’ll make the common mistake of mistaking space for repentance as permission to continue. That’s all too easy to do because we tend to be consequence-driven. When we get away with something once, we’re inclined to think we’ll get away with it indefinitely.

Ultimately, when we come face-to-face with the reality of what we have done, it creates a crisis of truth that inflicts a deep, penetrating wound. The wound is the trauma an individual feels when they both see what they have done and the damage they have caused. The wound is hard, but it is also necessary for recovery. Because to truly recover, we need to see that, at least to some extent, we’ve been kidding ourselves.

Kidding ourselves, which always brings us to a point of utter helplessness (which is not a bad thing) does have its purpose because none of us is likely to give up any type of sexual sin until we see its seriousness. That means facing things we have possibly avoided. But when we do, we experience one of three things that are needed, in my opinion, for true repentance: we get scared, sad, or angry – all of which are emotions that often become motivators.

However, we must always be checking our attitude and motivation for addressing any sin in our lives. I offer this consideration due to the reality of just how easy it is to lapse into “performing for God.” Therefore, let me be abundantly clear, “Your acceptance by God has never been, nor is it now, nor will it ever be, based on your behavior.” Just “performing for God” points directly to a lack of intimate relationship with Him. Proverbs 3:5 states, “Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding.” If the battle truly is the Lord’s, which it is, then we must stop trusting in what we feel rather than what God says.

So, how do you and I start living out of God’s grace?

First, settle the matter as Romans 6:11 states, “Reckon yourself dead to sin and alive in Jesus.” Our love of God must become so real, so true that we naturally want to do what it takes. Every single time you become aware or catch yourself performing for God – trying to earn His favor by “works”, stop what you are doing and kill that manipulative religious spirit in prayer. Choosing a life of relationship with God means giving up our independence. It means becoming dependent on someone other than ourselves – Jesus. It also means that during those times of extreme temptation and, God forbid, even a fall, we know that we can run to Him for that extra measure of grace that we all need in times of life and not run from Him.

When we set our hearts to seek the Lord, our lives will begin to change in many ways. Here are just a few:

1. A focus on intimacy washes our spirits.
   Our spirit, which is our true self, is washed from defilement by the Word of God.
2. A focus on intimacy protects our souls.
   Since our soul consists of our mind, our will, and our emotions, developing intimacy with God strengthens us against temptation.
3. A focus on intimacy heals inner wounds of the heart.
   Who among us does not have places in the heart that still do not need the touch of our Savior? Words (curses) that were spoken over and into our lives that continue to affect us today even as adults.
4. A focus on intimacy is an effective means of spiritual warfare.

For many, reality is what we have experienced rather than what God says is true. Evil appears to be in control, triumphing over good, more powerful than good. Sometimes it seems as if God doesn’t care about us. About all of this, God says: “Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind.” (Romans 12:2)

Ultimately, for each of us, becoming what we were meant to be is not something we can do on our own. It only happens as we live in relationship with the Father.

Pastor Phillip Lee
Executive Director
His Way Out Ministries

Please consider making a donation at www.hiswayout.com/donate. Thank you, Pastor Phillip Lee

His Way Out Ministries Podcasts are dedicated to equipping, educating, and encouraging the Body of Christ to reach out and minister to individuals, families, and churches impacted by the brokenness of same-sex attraction.

Season 1, Episode 5
Our fifth broadcast is titled “Homosexuality and the Reality of Change.” Through the Atonement of Jesus Christ and the sanctifying work of the Holy Spirit, God has, is, and will be delivering men and women from the snare of same-sex attraction.

Listen online or download the podcast.

Homosexuality and the Reality of Change with Pastor Phillip Lee – Download MP3 –

All past episodes of His Way Out Ministries Radio Broadcast are available by following THIS LINK or selecting the “Audio Podcast” category to the right.

His Way Out Ministries Podcasts are dedicated to equipping, educating, and encouraging the Body of Christ to reach out and minister to individuals, families, and churches impacted by the brokenness of same-sex attraction.

Season 1, Episode 4
Our fourth broadcast is titled “Youth and Homosexuality.” Christian youth often find themselves caught in the middle. Do they hold to the instructions of Scripture, church, and parents or do they reject their faith convictions as outdated and accept a new morality?

Listen online or download the podcast.

Youth and Homosexuality with Pastor Phillip Lee – Download MP3 –

All past episodes of His Way Out Ministries Radio Broadcast are available by following THIS LINK or selecting the “Audio Podcast” category to the right.

His Way Out Ministries Podcasts are dedicated to equipping, educating, and encouraging the Body of Christ to reach out and minister to individuals, families, and churches impacted by the brokenness of same-sex attraction.

Season 1, Episode 3
Our third broadcast is titled “Silence Is Not An Option.” It is the clarity of the Holy Scriptures that should compel each and every faithful follower of Christ Jesus to be a light where there is darkness, rather than hiding our witness from those who need it.

Listen online or download the podcast.

Silence Is Not An Option with Pastor Phillip Lee – Download MP3 –

All past episodes of His Way Out Ministries Radio Broadcast are available by following THIS LINK or selecting the “Audio Podcast” category to the right.

His Way Out Ministries Podcasts are dedicated to equipping, educating, and encouraging the Body of Christ to reach out and minister to individuals, families, and churches impacted by the brokenness of same-sex attraction.

Season 1, Episode 2
Our second broadcast is titled “The Myths of Homosexuality” which covers questions like: Is homosexuality the worst of all sins; is homosexuality nothing more than just a choice; is homosexuality genetic; will marriage or dating fix the problem of same-sex attraction; and does tolerance mean approving of however anyone lives?

The Myths of Homosexuality with Pastor Phillip Lee – Download MP3 –

All past episodes of His Way Out Ministries Radio Broadcast are available by following THIS LINK or selecting the “Audio Podcast” category to the right.

Fear, doubt, anger, rage – America is in serious trouble. If Americans, American Christians in particular, do not enable and create change, one of our best chances to put America and the Church in America in order will be lost. The extreme division(s) in our nation and the Church are making it extremely and increasingly incapable of resolving problems.

Ultimately, souls hang in the balance.

In America and in a world that remains starved for heroes and leaders, in a world that remains saturated by debates and opinion polls, I remain comforted in knowing the Bible continues to point beyond “us” to the person and work of Jesus Christ.

Today, the ultimate and obvious question remains not “What is the answer?” It is “Who is the answer?”

How is it that many American Christians consider sharing the Gospel as an optional extra? For the sake of clarity, by sharing the Gospel I am referring to something much more than a post on Facebook. And, for further clarification, sharing the Gospel is not to proclaim or advance the claims of a church, of a nation, of an ideology, but of Jesus Himself.

How is it possible to acknowledge Jesus as Lord if we take no notice of what He has told us to do? Christians, all Christians, are to “declare the wonderful deeds of Him who called you out of darkness into His marvelous light. Once you were no people but now you are God’s people; once you had not received mercy but now you have received mercy.” (1 Peter 2:9-10)

America and the Church are now facing a challenge, if not a test, which questions our ability and resilience to stand against internal and external forces which threaten to further divide and pull apart. On a much, much deeper level, it comes down to every Christian (a faithful follower of all the teachings of Christ Jesus) willing to make hard choices?

A word to the wise, do not ever make this statement to this pastor: “But I don’t have time.” Christian, when something, or more specifically, someone, is truly important to us, we find a way. In today’s world, we cannot afford to sit back and hope that the relatively few full-time ministers of the Word accomplish the task alone. The fulfillment of Christ’s great command to “Go into all the world and preach the gospel to every creature” (Mark 16:15) is the shared responsibility of every individual who calls Christ Savior and Lord.

As a history student, I am recalling that during the Depression people clearly understood the serious choices before them: pull your hair out and jump out of a window, as some stockbrokers did after the crash in 1929, or unite and work together to see things changed, restored, and improved.

Change, true change in America and the Church will take place when we surrender to a unifying sense of a clear enemy. To neglect or dismiss the existence of the anti-God force the Bible calls Satan, the devil, Beelzebub, and the prince of this world, is to make allowance for evil to advance and thrive. There is a devil and he is out to spoil and mar God’s world in every way he can.

Call me a dreamer but I continue to believe in the greatness of America and the power and influence of God’s vehicle to reach wounded, broken, hurting humanity – the Church. That said, I remain a realist knowing if people remain unwilling to break with the habits of the past, rethink the future, and act anew, we will no doubt witness further divide and fall.

A mission, any mission for Christ Jesus involves unity. It would be a very, very wonderful thing for the world to see that what unites the Christian community is so much greater than what divides us.

The question I pose is not meant to be blunt or insensitive.

Are you a Christian?

If your answer is “Yes!” please do not be selfish with the Gospel.

The Apostle Paul said to the Corinthians, “If our gospel is veiled, it is veiled only to those who are perishing. In their case the god of this world has blinded the minds of the unbelievers, to keep them from seeing the light of the gospel of the glory of Christ, who is the likeness of God.” (2 Corinthians 4:3-4)

Clearly, those who do not know Christ are perishing. They have not perished yet, but they are on their way. Men, women, and children are perishing, captive, and blind to both their predicament and to the Good News of Jesus Christ. Ultimately, this is all about people. Men and women are lost without Jesus Christ.

Psalm 16:11 says, “In thy presence, there is fullness of joy, in thy right hand are pleasures forevermore.” Indeed, these are difficult and challenging times. However, there is no joy on earth to compare with that of leading an individual to Christ.

Jesus said, “I am the way, and the truth, and the life; no one comes to the Father, but through me.” (John 14:6)

Today, the change many hope and pray for in our world today will only come about through our willingness to pay the price for it. It will require each and every one of us leaving the safety and comfort of church. Yes, our obedience to and for the Gospel will bring us into conflict with the principalities and powers of this world. However, if we are truly going to be bearers of the Good News, we must always be sensitive and kind to others, even though we might disagree with them.

Conflicts are absolutely an inevitable part of life. How we handle and resolve them will demonstrate the extent to which we understand the richness of the Gospel and God’s reconciling love.

You and I are not here at this time by chance. God has brought each of us here for a purpose. I hope and I pray God the Father will challenge and inspire each of us to be a more faithful and effective witness to Jesus Christ in the midst of a world that does not know Him.

“Not by might nor by power, but by my spirit, says the Lord Almighty.” (Zechariah 4:6)

Pastor Phillip Lee
Executive Director
His Way Out Ministries

His Way Out has been faithfully ministering to men and women seeking a way out of sexually broken lifestyles since 1994. We could not do it without the support of Christians like you. Every dollar that you give to His Way Out Ministries helps to further this vital ministry. Won’t you take a minute to prayerfully consider a monthly donation to His Way Out? Please consider making a one-time donation or set up a secure monthly PayPal contribution on our donation page at https://www.hiswayout.com/donate/. Thank you, Pastor Phillip Lee