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“Nope, sorry. Not good enough.”

Whether the confession comes from a son or daughter, spouse or close friend, the admission of homosexuality hits like a bombshell, especially in Christian homes. Instantaneously, life seems completely out of control. You are now headed in a direction you never, ever thought you would be going.

How well I remember having to make my own personal confession to my parents. While my confession occurred many, many years ago, I recall, vividly, having to pick my mother up from the kitchen floor.

The ironic truth is that while I felt an immediate sense of relief that “the problem” was now out, my parents, friends, and family members were instantly projected into a state of fear, bewilderment and consumed by a myriad of emotions.

Once the initial impact has subsided a bit, while Christian families know God is the answer, it still takes a long time for them to wrap their mind around how to engage God in what they perceive as needing to be done. Make no mistake, when someone we know confesses their same-sex attraction, many Christians struggle with how to maintain a Christ-like manner and position which, more than not, results in “Where do we go from here?”

Speaking from experience, having waded through years of healing, discipleship, study, and surrender (at times, daily), when homosexuality hit my family, as it has a multitude of others, it brought pain, indescribable pain, and misunderstanding along with it. Largely, because (way back then), no one knew much about the behavior.

Frankly, about the only comment anyone offered was, “It’s wrong!” Today, just like then, that’s not good enough and completely unacceptable.

While there are no specific verses in the Bible telling us under what circumstances, if any, we should adopt this or that policy toward a homosexual loved one, let’s consider a few specific communications that need to be offered with the hope and endeavor of keeping the lines of communication open.

What the Bible says and why you disapprove of homosexuality every time you are with your child, friend, co-worker, etc., is not a necessary state. However, do make sure the individual knows the following:

  • You understand that he/she did not ask for these feelings.
  • You appreciate their honesty and transparency in disclosing their issue with same-sex attraction.
  • Your belief regarding homosexual practice as sin is not going to change.
  • You want to protect your relationship through mutual respect and understanding.
  • While you may never agree on the subject of homosexuality, you are committed to not letting that disagreement ruin your relationship.

Put even this crisis in its proper context. Embrace the promise of Romans 8:28 that God makes everything – even calamities – work for our good. Admittedly, it is often very excruciating to wait for the ‘good’ to work. I mean, when it seems that everything is literally coming apart at the seams, it’s hard to consider if anything good will really come out of misery.

  • My first encouragement is to learn as much as you can about the causes of homosexuality. Simply knowing it is wrong is not even close to being enough.
  • Don’t run the matter into the ground every time you see your son or daughter. Often, there can be a good reason(s) for not dealing with a problem right now.
  • Do everything you can to keep the lines of communication open and maintain your relationship. If you feel you have been batting your head against the wall seeking resolution of ‘the problem,’ take a rest. It may not be God’s time to deal with the issue.
  • Make sure your son or daughter is aware of your belief and position regarding homosexual practice. Heaven knows, God can deal with and use our mistakes but He cannot deal with our inaction. Be clear and precise.
  • Do not argue about homosexuality. The very moment the conversation erupts into anger – drop it! Badgering will only produce pushing the individual in the wrong direction. Many problems and issues in life are often solved very indirectly; not when we are consciously dealing with them, but when we are going about our normal lives.
  • It is imperative to distinguish between “acceptance and approval.” It is important to separate, both in our own minds and to our loved ones, their individual worth from the acts of homosexuality they may be committing.
  • Stay completely away from Christian cliches such as, “God created Adam and Eve, not Adam and Steve,” and “Love the sinner but hate the sin.” Christian cliches only reinforce the belief of many with same-sex attraction that the Christian community is unwilling to truly educate themselves on the complexities of same-sex attraction.
  • Do not hesitate to admit when and where the Church has been wrong with regard to men and women with same-sex attraction. We, the Church, have made mistakes and in some cases owe the gay community an apology.
  • Refrain from attacking the character of homosexuals when discussing homosexuality. Keep to the real issue which is whether or not homosexual practice is, in and of itself, moral.
  • Do not be discouraged if your conversations do not produce instant fruit. What we will answer to God for is speaking truth lovingly and plainly – not for how our loved one responds.
  • Be relentless in looking for every opportunity to share it is a personal relationship with Jesus Christ and the indwelling presence of His Spirit which is the foundation needed to overcome same-sex attraction.
  • Release control. Let God decide how to bring freedom. God is the only One who can bring about change in the homosexual.
  • Let the son, daughter and everyone know that God has a reputation of transforming trapped people with damaged sexualities. “And such were some of you” applies to all Christians who had formerly participated in homosexuality. (1 Corinthians 6:9-11)
  • And, remember, those entangled in sin, of course, will have weak faith, so be merciful to those who doubt. (Jude 22)

Somewhere I read, “Hope is not the conviction that something will turn out well, but the certainty that something makes sense, regardless of how it turns out.”

When Jesus Christ is “there” life has infinite possibilities.

Pastor Phillip Lee
His Way Out Ministries
www.hiswayout.com

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