A Mother Writes…
Dear Pastor Phil,
I thank the Lord for His blessings on you through the ministry of His Way Out. You are a beacon in the spiritual storm called homosexuality. Although time and family constraints don’t allow me to participate more actively, the ministry has brought comfort, strength, and even some peace.
I know that your ministry involves equipping Pastors with tools to address the warfare of homosexuality, and it is for this reason that I share my testimony. I am hopeful that this may help prevent the same experience from happening to other Christian families.
Please use this testimony any way you see possible, and thank you for the opportunity of healing by sharing with you.
It was evident by the age of fourteen months that my son was not to be molded by gendered toys or play. With frequent redirection away from dresses, barrettes, jewelry and make up, to trucks, army men, blue jeans and fishing, my son learned that he should hide his propensity toward girl-things. I envisioned him becoming homosexual when he persisted in his desire for girl-things and could normally be found playing in a closet.
As he grew up, we readily sought counseling from our clergy and from professional secular counselors. We participated both as a family and our son continued individually, as well. He grew strong in faith, spoke prophetically, and exhibited understanding of deeper scriptural issues from an early age. He participated in church leadership and lead worship on a regular basis in his early teen years.
Although it was not a surprise, however, when he “came out of the closet” at the age of 151/2, the effects were devastating. My early vision seemed to haunt me rather than to prepare me. Visions of my child being sexually involved with another man invaded my mind. I grieved all night, falling to the floor and physically pummeling myself with my own fists. Satan rejoiced at his victory.
The next morning I called our youth pastor in desperate desire for help. He had already been fully aware of our son’s plight, and I shared candidly with this pastor about my grief over my son’s final decision.
I told the youth pastor that my heart was so grieved that I found myself thinking I would rather have lost my son in childhood, knowing he would spend an eternity with Christ, than to hear him denounce his faith after having passed the age of accountability. I was truly grieved at knowing the reality of eternal death and shared this grief openly. I begged for intercession from the pastoral staff and was assured we would be “girded up” and that an active role would be taken for our son.
That was the last time we heard from the clergy at our church. I conducted an in-depth Bible study with our son, only to reach the understanding of my son’s own words, “I don’t believe in the Bible anymore.” At the same time, we attended our church every Sunday only to leave without a word, touch or acknowledgment from any of our pastors of from those we once though of as our brothers and sisters.
It became evident after many lonely weeks, that we didn’t belong at the church we had attended for more than six years. We became very bitter at the realization that our pastors were made only of flesh, and to this day have difficulty with forgiveness. Our son is now 20 and this was 41/2 years ago.
We now attend a church, which hosts several Christian families with homosexual children. We fortunately hold no reserve against Christ, and are renewed daily by the inclusion of those people who know our pain. I have been able to arrive at the fact that God holds Pastors and Teachers irrefutable responsible for those in their care, and not grieve for those who backed away when we begged for their help.
The war rages on against evil and principalities of darkness. If the clergy are not equipped with the armor, who then will pay the cost of the war?
The Mother of a homosexual man…B.T.