Recently, in a workshop for parents with children involved in homosexuality, I was asked, “How do I pray for my same-sex attracted son/daughter?”
Since the roots of same-sex attraction are complex, it would be a mistake to suppose that a one method prayer approach would be universally successful. First and foremost, if we want to get results in prayer, we must be convinced of one basic fact: God wants to answer our prayers. In other words, expect wonderful things to happen.
Luke 18:1 says, “Men ought always to pray and not to faint.”
It is not the beauty or the eloquence of our prayer that gets God’s ear. He responds to faith. Praying in faith is merely having confidence in God’s willingness to use His power to answer your prayer. Faith causes your prayers to bring results.
For most same-sex attracted men and women, the sexual aspect is surface in comparison to the complex roots of the same-sex orientation. Therefore, ordinarily expect that changes will occur in his or her life gradually and over time. That said; do not rule out relatively instant changes.
Today, “Does the individual with same-sex attraction want to be restored?” is an important if not paramount question. Be prepared for the life that he or she has known, the friends they have known and the prospect of possibly losing so much to surface. Certainly while we encourage change we should not pressure or push people into making decisions. The very first step is to help the person to know Jesus; help them to know God’s love. Allow Jesus to work from the inside out, step by step.
If the gay-identified individual does not sense a need yet for change, or is possibly ambivalent about it, we need to love him or her and accept them where they are. This does not mean we accept the homosexual lifestyle, but there is a progression in time and God respects the freedom of the person’s free-will and conscience.
I did not know until after about five or six yeas of freedom from homosexuality and well into my new life in Christ, how and for how long my mother had been praying for me. One day, my mother and I were having a frank discussion about homosexuality when all of a sudden she began to sob with a steady flow of tears streaming down her face. When I asked “Mom, what’s wrong?” she replied, “You don’t know the many, many times I prayed: ‘Devil, I don’t care what he’s been doing or even for how long he’s been doing it, in the Name of Jesus you can’t have him anymore!’” Watch out for the prayers of Mama.
As we all know, when we have sinned, we need to repent and ask God’s forgiveness. Like a heterosexual who has been sexually active for years, a sexually active homosexual will find it challenging to enter into the process of change, and he or she may lapse from time to time, but the basic will to change must be there.
Unfortunately, some men and women struggling with same-sex attraction become rigid at the very mention of healing, deliverance or restoration because the terms imply there is something wrong with them. Many have encountered so much shaming that they just naturally react sometimes even to the best of intentions, or as they see it, yet another opportunity to put them down. I guarantee you any judgmental, righteous attitude on the part of anyone even offering to pray will instantly be sensed.
It is not unusual for some to criticize most actions that fall outside the scope of our own desires and understanding. As a result, a heterosexual man or woman never having an issue with same-sex attraction might have a tendency to feel uncomfortable with someone with a homosexual orientation, especially if they fear the homosexual might develop a sexual attraction if they became too friendly. The ironic twist, if not a general rule, is that I challenge our praying successfully with people unless we have a real love for them. Therefore, anyone spending time with or praying with the same-sex attracted individual needs to feel comfortable working with them. Unless I truly feel, “There but for the grace of God go I,” our truly being of help is in serious question.
Maybe you’ve noticed? While God does answer our prayers, He rarely answers them when and how we want. We want to see the man or woman set free from same-sex attraction now! But God’s timing is perfect and His methods are perfect. Therefore, wait on Him to work in the life or you son, daughter, co-worker, neighbor, bother or sister in Christ. During the waiting time, strengthen your faith and trust in the Lord. He hears and He is there to help you.
Remember to see Christ as your hope, knowing “That all things work together for good to them that love God, to them that are called according to His purpose.” (Romans 8:28) As a believer, you can achieve the same results that Jesus did during His earthly ministry. Jesus said, “He that believeth on me, the works that I do shall he do also, and greater works than these shall he do; because I go unto the Father.” (John 14:12) Yes, today, greater works can be accomplished – if we cease not in our prayers.
- Intercede with God for the destruction of the stronghold of same-sex attraction to be eradicated.
- Present the person to God as one for whom Christ has died.
- Pray for God to place a wall of protection around the person.
Remember, “The weapons we fight with are not the weapons of the world. On the contrary, they have divine power to demolish strongholds.” (2 Corinthians 10:4)
“Father, Your Word is true and I believe it. Therefore, in the Name of Jesus, I believe in my heart and say with my mouth that the Word of God prevails over my loved one. Your Word says that You will pour out Your Spirit upon my offspring and Your blessing upon my descendants. I believe and say that my loved ones are wise and that they take heed to and are the fruit of godly instruction and correction. So, I commit them into Your keeping, in Jesus’ Name.”
Pastor Phillip Lee
His Way Out Ministries