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“Biblical authority is not tyranny: We read, reflect – and reconcile ourselves with Scripture; but we never simply remake it or reject it – if we affirm its authority.” Professor Marion L. Soards

The relentless social pressure that exists to protect “gay” from discrimination has resulted in a tragically dangerous code.

While I personally deplore any and all forms of “gay bashing” and other hate crimes against homosexuals, the extreme medical risks and the fundamental psychological problems often associated with homosexual practice, cannot be undermined or dismissed.

In America, very little is being offered which promotes the truth about homosexuality and the general public has slowly but certainly bought into the many untruths with regard to the topic of homosexuality. This did not happen by accident.

In December 1973, by a narrow vote, homosexuality was removed from the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorder (DSM) by the American Psychiatric Association. The vote was not based on scientific research but on political pressure from homosexual activists. So much for an individual’s right of self-determination to address their unwanted homosexual feelings and behavior.

In a nutshell, the problem is the politicization of psychiatry, psychology, and most definitely, the Bible, to the extent that the freedom to investigate and treat homosexuality has been and continues to be under serious attack.

During my 17 years as ‘gay,’ I personally witnessed far too many lives devastated and some taking their own lives over the celebration of ‘gay.’ In each and every case the ruin and carnage were not brought about by the individual trying to resolve their same-gender attraction.

Today, in America and around the world, in the name of tolerance, diversity, and equality, often the truth has been and is being suppressed regarding homosexuality. We can and we must reverse the current trend through education and understanding.

Yes, because of very real discrimination, homosexual activists created a brilliant strategic plan to gain across-the-board acceptance. Yet their plan was and is based upon a flawed paradigm to persuade people they were born with same-gender attraction and they cannot change.

This strategy has worked. But the biggest losers just may be homosexual men and women who may get everything they think they want, but will they be denied what they truly need?

Upholding Biblical sexual morality does not = bigotry.

Pastor Phillip Lee
His Way Out Ministries

Is there nothing wrong with sex as long as it is consensual? And if there is something wrong, what is it? Does it really come down to a matter of personal taste, of private sentiment and personal choice? Have we become a nation, a world that gains a sense of purpose and meaning primarily from our sexual desires and behavior?

Many have chosen and are choosing to blatantly reject the Authority of Scripture in matters of faith, practice and God’s holy boundary lines with regard to sexual expression.

On every hand you find those, “…who call evil good and good evil, who put darkness for light and light for darkness…” (Isaiah 5:20)

With all sorts of opinions consuming the airwaves, media, and the internet, it appears everything is now up for question, debate, and compromise; sexual expression in particular.

America’s blind, amoral pursuit of pleasure at any price, and in any form, has indeed perpetuated the social and dark spiritual dynamics which have birthed and inflamed the various forms of sexual perversion.

While there are those still attempting to make The Bible and Christianity socially and culturally relevant by rewriting and redefining biblical standards, I find tremendous comfort and strength in knowing God’s Word remains steadfast from generation to generation. Therefore, it remains crucial that each and every true faithful follower of Christ Jesus understands and embraces “thus saith the Lord” when it comes to God’s divine intent for human sexuality and other issues of our time.

God has not been mocked nor will He will not be mocked. There is no way, it is impossible for anyone to legitimately rewrite or circumvent what God prohibits. Anyone choosing to practice any behavior that God has clearly defined as sin, cannot glorify God and will eventually downward spiral.

The Lord Jesus has not changed, nor will He ever alter His Word to accommodate man’s sinful desires, choices and behaviors.

The reality of an across-the-board crisis of sexual and relational brokenness in America clearly points to an increasing inability, as a society, to make healthy and moral distinctions. Even those who place a high premium on tolerance are obligated to recognize that matters of various sexual lifestyles now threaten the very values and institutions on which a solid and vital society is built and sustained.

Today, more than ever, responsible American citizens who truly care for the greater social good of America are obligated to impose, if not place under the microscope, a moral gaze on their sexual behavior. Unfortunately, not every American is willing or responsive enough to such an obligation.

What’s more, they do not want anyone to hold them responsible. Those who have the self-respect to recognize that a person is not reducible to his or her desires or behavior truly exhibit a concern for social justice, personal responsibility, and a true love for this nation which seeks nothing higher than the welfare of people – all people.

How is it in choosing to dismiss and disregard God’s moral compass, we are shocked by the state of our culture? Even so, shocked at what has happened and continues to spread in the Church?

Speaking as someone that was trapped for many years in a behavior and lifestyle, thinking there was no way out, I completely understand how anyone might have difficulty in believing in and receiving God’s forgiveness and restoration.

“But Jesus Christ is the same yesterday, today, and forever.” (Hebrews 13:8) God remains rich in mercy and remains willing to deliver anyone. “He is forever our great Sin-bearer and the God who forgives.” (Psalm 99:8)

America is in need of huge and immediate change. I believe the Church should be out front by showing the way to bring it about. If things continue in this wonderful nation as they have, America and the Church will remain adrift without a moral compass.

The Church must stop the down-playing, the silent-mode, the ignoring, the dismissal, the setting-aside of God’s moral and ethical “holy boundary lines” for living, with regard to sexual expression. All faithful followers of Christ Jesus are called to a higher standard which requires all faithful followers of Christ Jesus to be discipled in the full, total, and complete Word of God.

Silence, in particular, is undeniably an earmark of a dysfunctional family, because the real problems are never discussed and resolved. It’s imperative that the Body of Christ stand against current trends in today’s society that have and continue to distort human sexuality as God intended and created it.

The 138th Psalm says, “I will praise your name for your loving kindness and your truth, for you have magnified your word about your name.” Obviously, God thinks highly of His name – but He has magnified His Word even about His name – and, so should we all.

It is only when we embrace the entirety and truth of Scripture without compromise; Jesus empowers us to walk in His perfect design and purpose.

Pastor Phillip Lee
Executive Director
His Way Out Ministries

Usually, when homosexuality becomes known in a family, the greater attention and focus is normally placed on the individual that has announced his or her being gay. However, when homosexuality comes a knocking on your personal front door, it affects much more than just him or her. Immediately, the crisis becomes a family matter with the family having to work through the blow of learning of a child’s homosexuality.

For Christian parents becoming aware of a child’s homosexuality, it becomes very tempting to respond with, “How can you be homosexual? You’re a Christian!” Parents become immediately flooded with questions such as: What will people think? What did I do wrong? or How are we are going to deal with this?

Without a doubt, it is just as difficult for the individual to disclose their battle with same-gender attraction as it is for the family to hear. In the majority of cases, the individual struggling with same-gender attraction has been in an intense battle for a very long time especially if the individual is an adult. The very moment the admission comes out of the individual’s mouth, all of the anxiety, turmoil, fear, shame, anger, disillusionment and more, is immediately transferred to the parents (family).

Parents naturally want to protect their children and rightfully feel a huge amount of responsibility for their lives. As a result, it is absolutely imperative that Christian parents establish boundaries when facing and dealing with a child’s acceptance and practice of homosexuality. In their book Boundaries, Dr’s. Henry Cloud and John Townsend describe boundaries as, “what defines what is me and what is not me. A boundary shows me where I end and someone else begins, leading me to a sense of ownership.”

Without a doubt, parents experience a huge amount of loss when they find out about a child’s homosexuality. Almost immediately, grief, despair, disillusionment and fear surface launching parents into a process where they ultimately must give themselves permission to grieve and not pretend that nothing is wrong or that their world has been turned upside-down.

Every year, I receive numerous inquiries for guidance from parents wanting to know what are some of the do’s and don’ts when the holidays are fast approaching. During the holiday season, parents, in particular, become overwhelmed with the various looming scenarios related to a gay-identified child coming home for Christmas and bringing “a friend.” The line(s) between acceptance and approval, love and condoning a sinful behavior can often become a bit blurry and challenging during the holiday season.

Anita Worthen discusses the issue of inviting a child’s partner for the holidays in her book Someone I Love is Gay. “Your child’s partner is not the enemy. He or she is someone God loves – just as he loves your son or daughter.” However, that doesn’t mean you welcome the couple into your home as if nothing was wrong. Ignoring the obvious has a name – denial.

A good rule of thumb in ultimately coming to a decision of how to handle the situation is to ask, “How would I handle it if my child wanted to bring home an opposite-sex partner?” I believe the majority of Christian families would probably invite that person into their home, but clearly define the appropriate boundary line of separate sleeping arrangements. However, if parents are completely uncomfortable with the entire gay scenario, being honest is the very best policy for all involved. Because each family is unique, each family has to find a way to handle the various situations that will undoubtedly surface. There isn’t one universal answer that works for everyone.

Frankly, there aren’t any easy, pat answers for a family working through the awareness of a child’s homosexuality. There are no magic cures, no shortcuts. However, God is more than able and willing to bring the entire family into a deeper, more intimate relationship with Him since the family, by God’s own design, was designed to be a support system and a place of love and safety. Ultimately, only through a personal relationship with Jesus Christ and the indwelling presence of His Spirit, will any individual or family be enabled to overcome homosexuality and the many related issues.

Being a very practical individual, I encourage all parents (families) to consider that the crisis does not rest solely with the homosexual child. Within the mix of the various and numerous contributing factors to an individual struggling with same-gender attraction are family and relational issues the enabled the situation. Therefore, I believe parents, the family, need to be willing to (1) educate themselves on the homosexual behavior, (2) seek spiritual guidance for themselves, certainly their feelings and emotions, (3) be patient in embracing the reality that healing is a process and, (4) release the child into God’s care. Admittedly, the last point is much easier said than done.

However, it is when we let go of a child, a friend, or a spouse that we do stop taking responsibility for them but we do not stop fulfilling our responsibilities to them. Homosexuality is not just about an issue. This is about people – people that God loves and people for whom Jesus died.

When homosexuality surfaces in a family, it isn’t just a child struggling with same-gender attraction; it is a family issue and needs to be healed within the family.

“The Lord also will be a refuge for the oppressed, a refuge in times of trouble.” Psalm 9:9

Recommended Reading

Someone I Love is Gay by Anita Worthen and Bob Davies
This book gives easy to understand answers to the family members surrounding the homosexual. Many real-life examples are cited to help families understand and respond to their homosexual loved one in a compassionate way.

101 Frequently Asked Questions About Homosexuality by Mike Haley
In this book you will find answers to the most often asked questions about homosexuality from an expert on the subject – and a former homosexual himself.

When Homosexuality Hits Home by Joe Dallas
In this straightforward book, Christian author and counselor Joe Dallas offers practical, step-by-step advice on how to deal with the many conflicts and emotions experienced by parents, grandparents, siblings, and extended family members when they learn of a loved one’s homosexuality.

For additional Recommended Reading, please visit: hiswayout.com/category/recommended-reading

Pastor Phillip Lee
His Way Out Ministries

Each Saturday morning beginning at 7:00am (PST) on KERI 1410AM, and live streamed at www.wilkinsradio.com, His Way Out Ministries offers a 30-minute broadcast dedicated to equipping, educating, and encouraging the Body of Christ to reach out and minister to individuals, families, and churches impacted by the brokenness of same-sex attraction.

Season 4, Episode 3
Join Pastor Phillip Lee and his special guest Dr. Clayton Ford, Interim Pastor of Chinese Community Church, San Diego, CA, author of Called to High Adventure: Living the Spirit-Filled Life

Pastor Phillip and Dr. Ford continue their discussion, observing that no matter how strongly we may be opposed to the homosexual agenda (and all of its aspects), we are first of all called to be Christians who have the privilege of representing Christ Jesus to all communities of the world, regardless of color, class, nationality, gender, or sexual orientation. Yet why are so many choosing to remain silent?

Listen online or download the podcast.

Representing the Culture or Representing Christ with Clayton Ford pt2 – Download MP3 –

All past episodes of His Way Out Ministries Radio Broadcast are available by following THIS LINK or selecting the “Audio Podcast” category below.

Each Saturday morning beginning at 7:00am (PST) on KERI 1410AM, and live streamed at www.wilkinsradio.com, His Way Out Ministries offers a 30-minute broadcast dedicated to equipping, educating, and encouraging the Body of Christ to reach out and minister to individuals, families, and churches impacted by the brokenness of same-sex attraction.

Season 4, Episode 2
Join Pastor Phillip Lee and his special guest Dr. Clayton Ford, Interim Pastor of Chinese Community Church, San Diego, CA, author of Called to High Adventure: Living the Spirit-Filled Life

Pastor Phillip and Dr. Ford question how we arrived at a point where same-sex marriage is legal throughout America? Did we, the Church, contribute to a cultural vacuum by offering very little resistance? How did we arrive at a point where a popular error in the Church is the attempt to blur the lines of Christian ethics, making the term “Love” an omnipotent spiritual quality which has the power to validate anything done it its name.

Listen online or download the podcast.

Representing the Culture or Representing Christ with Clayton Ford pt1 – Download MP3 –

All past episodes of His Way Out Ministries Radio Broadcast are available by following THIS LINK or selecting the “Audio Podcast” category below.

Each Saturday morning beginning at 7:00am (PST) on KERI 1410AM, and live streamed at www.wilkinsradio.com, His Way Out Ministries offers a 30-minute broadcast dedicated to equipping, educating, and encouraging the Body of Christ to reach out and minister to individuals, families, and churches impacted by the brokenness of same-sex attraction.

Season 4, Episode 1
Whether the confession comes from a son, daughter, spouse or close friend, the admission of homosexuality hits like a bombshell, especially in Christian homes. Pastor Phillip Lee encourages all involved to face the issue of homosexuality honestly, compassionately, and courageously.

Listen online or download the podcast.

Facing Reality Honestly, Compassionately, and Courageously – Download MP3 –

All past episodes of His Way Out Ministries Radio Broadcast are available by following THIS LINK or selecting the “Audio Podcast” category below.

I am extremely pleased to share with you that beginning January 16, 2019, Valley Baptist Church in Bakersfield, California, will offer a Care Group/Class titled Still Waters – a relaxed, informal meeting available…

  • To anyone seeking to understand the complexities of same-sex attraction and become more effective in reaching those combating same-sex attraction.
  • Still Waters will provide a safe environment for men and women struggling with the unwanted brokenness of same-sex attraction to receive support, encouragement, truth and guidance for their journey.
  • The Care Group will assist parents, friends, co-workers, a fellow brother or sister in Christ, a neighbor, face the complexity of emotions, actions and questions that will undoubtedly surface when learning of an individual’s homosexuality.

Still Waters will meet faithfully on the 3rd Wednesday evening of each month from 6:00PM to 7:30PM at Valley Baptist Church – Fruitvale Campus, S-13, North Side of the Main Worship Center.

Teaching materials will be provided for this No Fee Care Group/Class.

Free childcare provided up through 5th grade.

All Still Waters meetings will be focused and centered on the Biblical foundations of compassion, integrity and dependence on God.

My story is not unique. Regrettably, my parents divorced when I was around three years old. Born in a very rural farm area in the north eastern corner of Arkansas, even today, many would describe the surroundings as a classic Norman Rockwell painting. Over these many years, I have occasionally made it back to the farm in Arkansas with each and every visit bringing a blend of both warmth and regret.

The warmth comes from the scenic environment, remembering Grandma whipping up another blueberry cobbler from scratch and humming a tune which accompanied each and every ingredient poured into the mouth watering mixture, going crawdad fishing in the pouring rain, sitting on Grandpa’s lap as we drove around the farm on a tractor again, and again, and again, and Dad, who always seemed much larger than life.

Certainly, the regret surfaces in remembering that I did not have the opportunity to be equally raised by both Dad and Mom. Undeniably, for better or worse, we are all significantly shaped by the kind of family life we experienced – or didn’t experience. Often, very often, the deepest wounds in a man’s life are not physical. If Dad is not present in the formative years of a young boy, which creates a void, a vacuum, a deficit, even in our adulthood years our soul will continue to crave the best from Dad.

I have come to understand that until a man unpacks and deals with the themes, pain, and addresses the unfinished business that still may remain in life – he can never be an authentic man. In other words, you cannot change what you are unwilling to visit or address, nor can you change what you don’t understand.

I don’t believe it’s a stretch to say that we all have unresolved issues in our lives. However, for a boy growing up without the monumentally important deposits of Dad, an uphill battle is created because no boy can become a real man without help. Frankly, there’s just no such thing as a self-made man. The deficit in a boy’s life which would ordinarily be met in a healthy relationship with Dad must now be overcome by other means. And, that’s were the many twists, turns and “Oh, my gosh, how did I get here?” pitfalls of life unfold. As one journeys through life seeking answers and resolution to times of intense anger, pain, extreme behaviors, obsessions, and addictions, to “feel good” can become a narcotic.

Today, many men struggle with their identity, sexuality, and gender. Some of the struggle has to do with society, family dynamics and some of it has to do with Dad. The bottom line – Dad’s presence in the home can greatly influence a boy’s masculinity or femininity. How well I remember to this day, after my parents splitting and my mother taking me to Michigan to begin a new life apart from Dad, my whole world became consumed by the influence of the female gender. Each day, every day, I was influenced by the feminine persuasion in some way or another which ultimately impacted my very young life in ways that I would not understand for years to come. Now, in all fairness, my upbringing was solid and nurturing in ways that many a boy would welcome and cherish. Thank God for a mother that over and over again put me first before herself.

However, the absent Dad factor will always enable and result in unfinished business. Today, at the age of sixty-eight, I find myself thinking about Dad more and more all the time. Intriguing how neither time nor distance prohibits or prevents visiting those hidden places in the heart.

I have often heard that our human relationships can often be a mirror of how our relationship is with God the Father. For too long, I thought my Dad really didn’t care about me. How wrong I was. Even the tragic circumstances of life can do their utmost to consume resulting in a wounded heart and a wounded heart will search and search until it finds peace, rest and clarity.

How well I remember my next to last visit in spending time with my Dad in Arkansas. He was in-and-out of reality due to his advanced stage of Alzheimer’s but he did recognize me now and then. We even had brief moments of conversation and laughter.

The journey from California to Arkansas is always a bit of a challenge in that the flight schedule is a departure from Bakersfield, CA with an ultimate arrival in Memphis, TN, followed by renting a car and making a two-hour drive to Marmaduke, AR. I know, I know!

Is there anything more wonderful and heartwarming than going home? My drive is always marked by miles and miles of farm land, crossing several bridges, and ultimately making a stop at Stuckey’s only to hear that wonderful Southern drawl that always accompanies, “Ya’ll come back now!”

Prior to my Dad having to go into a nursing home, my stepmother, Ruby, reminded me that my Dad would spend several hours sitting on the front porch looking for and anticipating my arrival each time I had opportunity to visit. Even the bitter cold did not prevent him from looking down the road hoping to catch a glimpse of me pulling into the driveway. I have pictured that scene numerous times in my mind. It warms my heart each and every time.

Always, the time with Dad flew by much too quickly. Each and every moment I had with him I continue to cherish. I clearly remember watching him like a hawk with each time his catching me gazing at him and returning my staring with a grin. I watched every move he made and wherever he went, I was there.

Heart reflections cause me to remember the times we road on the tractor to get a soda pop, going to feed the cattle, or popping in to see his pastor. It really didn’t matter. It was time with Dad. Not surprising – the glory of the son is with his Father.

Always, my departure back to California arrived much too soon. Each and every time I would begin to pack, I began wondering how will our “good-bye” go. Will there be an embrace? Will there be words of love and affirmation? Or, will that which is often unspoken say it all?

A few years ago on another trip to see Dad, I remember standing on the landing waiting for my train which was fast approaching. I gave my stepmother a hug and then looked over at Dad. As he stood there with his usual, customary posture (hands in his overalls), I said, “Bye Dad, I love you.” To my delight, his hands came out of his pockets and became outstretched to me. At that time I had to of been around forty years old or so. I received, for the first time in my life, the kind of embrace that melts your heart and instantaneously wipes away years of wondering.

In a moment, in a flash, I knew we were ok and the many years of questioning the past didn’t seem to matter any longer. Through my Dad, God the Father demonstrated the importance and value of letting go of those things which are behind and press on-ward.

Indeed, the seasons in a man’s life are often marked by challenges, victories, defeats, growing pains, and a flood of memories. Admittedly, some are to be more cherished than others.

Just about two years ago, my Dad lost his battle with Alzheimer’s. While we certainly did not have enough time with one another here in this journey called life, the day will arrive when we will be reunited and we will have eternity to make up the difference.

Interesting, even those with whom we did not have opportunity to really get to know, we can still love, and love completely, even without complete understanding.

The power of Dad can never, ever be underestimated.

See you later, Dad!

Far too many men and women have believed and accepted lies causing them to become ensnared and trapped in a false self-perception and identity.

“Sticks ‘n stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me!”

Yeah, right, I’ll buy that one!

What are some of the lies?

If you really knew me you wouldn’t love me.

This lie enables and forms a view and belief that keeps one from honest, transparent and vulnerable relationships because someone just may find out ‘the secret.’

I am just a bad, bad person.

This lie is often embraced because we bought into the notion that my worth is based upon my performance. In other words, when I do ‘bad’ things, I am bad. And when I do ‘good’ things, I am good.

Here’s a big, big lie – especially, in our present culture.

Sex is my greatest need.

Unfortunately and tragically, sex has become a byword for love. Today, far too many have bought into this lie which goes something like this: “I will die if I don’t get my ‘fix” because it’s the only time I truly feel loved and cared for by anyone.”

So, how do we address such lies and what steps are required to reject such lies?

Some times we (Christians) over spiritualize matters and disregard taking practical steps. Such as…

  • Avoid persons, places and things which reinforce and perpetuate the lies. We must seek out those persons, places, and things that under gird the truth. This, most definitely, includes seeking the empowerment of the Holy Spirit, studying God’s Word and remaining in the company of believers.
  • Avoid things that are evil. (Acts 15:20, 1 Peter 2:11) and…
  • Hold fast to things that are good. (1 Thessalonians 5:21-22)

Your self-worth, your true identity is in your relationship to Christ Jesus. If He lives in you (you are born-again), you are a new creature. (Corinthians 5:17)

Affirm this to yourself, speak this to yourself out loud in thought and word. In doing so, you will be embracing the truth of whom God says you are and you will pull the lie(s) of its pedestal.

You can do this!

Believing in Him and in you,

Pastor Phillip Lee

Whether the confession comes from a son or daughter, spouse or close friend, the admission of homosexuality hits like a bombshell, especially in Christian homes.

Instantaneously, life seems completely out of control. You are now headed in a direction you never, ever thought you would be going.

Without fail, a week does not pass without my receiving at least one phone call or email expressing, “Well, I sure didn’t think I would ever be faced with this!”

The majority of calls and emails come from pastors and parents due to a child’s or congregation member’s confession of same-sex attraction. Homosexuality always seems to be someone else’s problem until it knocks on your front door.

How well I remember having to make my own personal declaration to my mother. While my confession occurred many, many years ago, I recall, vividly, having to pick my mother up from the kitchen floor. The ironic truth is that while I felt an immediate sense of relief that “the problem” was now out, my parents, friends, and family members were instantly projected into a state of fear, bewilderment and consumed by a myriad of emotions.

Once the initial impact has subsided a bit, while Christian families know God is the answer, it still takes a long time for them to wrap their mind around how to engage God in what they perceive as needing to be done. Make no mistake, when someone we know confesses their same-sex attraction, many Christians struggle with how to maintain a Christ-like manner and position.

Every individual that awakens to their issue of same-sex attraction has already been through quite a heart-wrenching process and therefore it really doesn’t matter whether the individual has embraced the gay identity or is still combating and resisting temptation as well as seeking freedom from same-sex attraction. Often, very often, parents in particular will respond to the crisis by focusing on their own pain and deep sense of loss forgetting the individual plagued by same-sex attraction has already experienced a huge amount of pain and loss.

Speaking from experience, having waded through years of healing, discipleship, study, and surrender (at times, daily), when homosexuality hit my family, as it has a multitude of others, it brought pain, indescribable pain, and misunderstanding along with it. Largely, because (way back then), no one knew anything about the behavior. Frankly, about the only comment anyone offered was, “It’s wrong!”

Today, just like then, “that’s not good enough and completely unacceptable.”

Not long ago, a Christian friend and mother I have known for many years wrote me and once again uttered the expression I have heard so many times during the 25 years of His Way Out Ministries, “I never thought I would be contacting you with a problem of homosexuality in my family.”

The mother was understandably shattered. Initially, while the mother did respond and react appropriately standing upon the right Scriptures, the son responded with a very interesting and revealing remark.

He said, “Mom, you keep telling me how hard this is for you to hear and deal with. Don’t you realize how hard it has been for me these many, many years, being raised in a Christian home and knowing that once this got out it would kill you? Ultimately, I had to make a decision that I knew nobody would be happy with. Please consider and realize that I have my own demons to fight.”

Frankly, there is a great deal of truth in the son’s comments. Whether we agree or not with the son’s ultimate decision or conclusion that he is gay and entitled to act upon his feelings and desires (which I certainly do not), we must admit that he was right in saying he had reached his conclusion after going through quite an intense struggle on his own. It is very important to remember within the evolvement of same-sex attraction that homosexual tendencies are discovered but the gay identity is ultimately embraced. And, there is a considerable difference between the two.

When any individual discloses their battle with same-sex attraction, their confession enables an intriguing and powerful opportunity to the family and really to anyone that becomes aware. Can I truly continue to love him for who he is and not for what he does?

As a Christ-follower, if we are becoming effective in not putting unrealistic expectations on ‘anyone,’ we are in line to accept them for who they are, not for what we wish they were. It is God’s part to give those that struggle with same-sex attraction abhorrence for the behavior – an abhorrence that will bring them to a place of complete surrender to the sovereignty of God in their lives and a desire to change.

While there are no specific verses in the Bible telling us under what circumstances, if any, we should adopt this or that policy toward a homosexual loved one, let’s consider a few specific communications that need to be offered with the hope and endeavor of keeping the lines of communication open.

What the Bible says and why you disapprove of homosexuality every time you are with your child, friend, co-worker, etc., is not necessary to state. However, do make sure the individual knows the following:

  • You understand that he/she did not ask for these feelings.
  • You appreciate their honesty and transparency in disclosing their issue with same-sex attraction.
  • Your belief regarding homosexual practice as sin is not going to change.
  • You want to protect your relationship through mutual respect and understanding.
  • While you may never agree on the subject of homosexuality, you are committed to not letting that disagreement ruin your relationship.

As faithful followers of Christ Jesus, we must never affirm homosexual practice. But we can at least affirm the fact that the individual struggling with same-sex attraction has tried to be honest with us and has taken quite a risk in telling us, knowing it is not what we wanted to hear.

How well I remember disclosing my own battle with same-sex attraction and giving my family every reason to write me off. Frankly, there was no reason for my family to ever think I would repent and turn completely away from homosexuality.

Thankfully, sometimes when God calls us to release a family member or friend through a prayer of relinquishment, that doesn’t mean He is releasing them as well.

God is saying: “Do all you can do, continue to love them and wait.” Indeed, dealing with the discovery that someone you love has same-sex attraction issues is a difficult stewardship. But the God who gave us this stewardship has also equipped us to handle it and maintain a Christ-like attitude.

“For whatever things were written before were written for our learning, that we through the patience and comfort of the Scriptures might have hope.” (Romans 15:4)

Pastor Phillip Lee
His Way Out Ministries

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