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I Never Thought I Would Have to Deal With This!
By Pastor Phillip Lee
Without fail, a week does not pass without my receiving at least one phone call or an email expressing, "Well, I sure didn't think I would ever be faced with this!" The majority of calls and emails come from pastors and parents due to a child's or congregation member's confession of homosexuality. Indeed, homosexuality always seems to be someone else's problem until it comes knocking on your front door.
More than not, when a family becomes aware of a member's homosexuality they are devastated. Emotions are in turmoil often manifesting in rage and confusion. Many Christian families know God is the answer, but they are often unable to wrap their mind around how to engage God in what they perceive as needing to be done. When someone we love is homosexual, a son or a daughter, a spouse, a fellow brother or sister in Christ, a friend, how do we maintain a Christ-like position?
Every individual that awakens to their issue of same-gender attraction has already been through quite a process and it really doesn't matter whether the individual has embraced the gay identity or is still combating and resisting temptation as well as seeking freedom from homosexuality. Often, very often, a parent will respond to the crisis by focusing on their own pain and deep sense of loss forgetting that the individual plagued by same-gender attraction has already experienced a huge amount of pain and loss.
Recently, a Christian friend of many years wrote me and, once again, expressed, "I never thought I would be contacting you with a problem of homosexuality in my family." The mother was shattered. She responded and reacted with all of the appropriate and right Scriptures. The mother responded and postured herself with all the things that I suppose are understandable when an adult child places his parent in a position like that.
But the son responded with a very interesting and revealing remark. He said, "Mom, you keep telling me how hard this is for you to hear and deal with. Don't you realize how hard it has been for me these many, many years, being raised in a Christian home and knowing that once this got out it would kill you? Ultimately, I had to make a decision that I knew nobody would be happy with. Please consider and realize that I have my own demons to fight."
Frankly, there is a great deal of truth in the son's comments. Whether we agree or not with the son's ultimate decision or conclusion that he is gay and entitled to act upon his feelings and desires (which I certainly do not), we must admit that he was right in saying he had reached that conclusion after going through quite an intense struggle on his own. Remember, homosexual tendencies are discovered but the gay identity is ultimately embraced. Anyone that has ever wrestled with same-gender attraction doesn't just wake up one morning and state, "Think I'll take this 'gay thing' out for a spin and see if it fits."
When any individual discloses their battle with same-gender attraction, their confession enables an intriguing and powerful opportunity to the family and really with anyone that becomes aware.
Can I truly continue to love him for who he is and not for what he does? As a Christ-follower, if we are becoming effective in not putting unrealistic expectations on 'anyone,' we are in line to accept them for who they are, not for what we wish they were. It is God's part to give those that struggle with same-gender attraction an abhorrence for the behavior - an abhorrence that will bring them to a place of complete surrender to the sovereignty of God in their lives, and a desire to change.
While there are no specific verses in the Bible telling us under what circumstances, if any, we should adopt this or that policy toward a homosexual loved one, let's consider a few specific communications that need to be offered with the hope and endeavor of keeping the lines of communication open. What the Bible says and why you disapprove of homosexuality every time you are with your child, friend, neighbor, co-worker, etc., is not necessary to state. However, do make sure the individual knows the following:
- You understand that he/she did not ask for these feelings.
- You appreciate their honesty, transparency and vulnerability in disclosing their issue with same-gender attraction.
- Your belief and position regarding the practice of homosexuality as a sin is not going to change.
- You want to protect your relationship through mutual respect, and as much as possible mutual understanding.
- While you may never agree on this issue, you are committed to not letting that disagreement ruin your relationship.
As Christians, we must never affirm homosexuality. But we can at least affirm the fact that the individual struggling with homosexuality has tried to be honest with us and has taken quite a risk in telling us, knowing it's not what we wanted to hear. How well I remember disclosing my own battle with homosexuality and giving my family every reason to write me off. Frankly, there was no reason for my family to ever think I would repent. Thankfully, sometimes when God calls us to release a family member or friend, that doesn't mean He is releasing them as well. God is saying: "Do all you can do, continue to love them and wait." Admittedly, waiting is one of the most difficult things to do. Indeed, dealing with the discovery that someone you love has homosexual issues is a difficult stewardship. But the God who gave us this stewardship has also equipped us to handle it and maintain a Christ-like attitude.
For whatever things were written before were written for our learning, that we through the patience and comfort of the Scriptures might have hope. (Romans 15:4)
From All of Us at His Way Out Ministries...
His Way Out Ministries is a world-wide interdenominational referral ministry of Exodus International, called to encourage, strengthen, unify and equip Christians to minister the transforming power of the Lord Jesus Christ to those affected by homosexuality. To each of you who continually bless us by your encouragement, ministry participation, monthly financial support, offerings and prayers...we remain truly grateful!
Pastor Phillip Lee
Executive Director
His Way Out Ministries
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Help Us Help Others
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Our web site continues to receive approximately 5,000 visits per month. We attribute many of the visits due to our Newsletter content being posted to our web site each month. Very often, we receive emails and calls from around the world with individuals, families and churches expressing their appreciation for our focus of ministry. Our email conversations with individuals, families and churches in Bakersfield, throughout America and overseas in places such as South America, the Caribbean, Europe and Australia continue to absorb about 3-4 hours per day. Youth and family referrals remain at an all-time high. All of us at His Way Out Ministries truly covet your prayers. You make it possible for His Way Out Ministries to reach around the world with a message of hope in Christ Jesus. Today, the need remains great but too often the resources are few. We desperately need you to help us in this effort. Will you join us by sending a donation today?
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His Way Out Ministries, 1412 17th Street, Suite 313
Bakersfield, CA 93301
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His Way Out Ministries is a nonprofit, tax exempt Christian ministry associated with Exodus International.
Other ways you can help:
- Add His Way Out Ministries to your prayer list.
- Ask your pastor to check out our website.
- Tell your friends about His Way Out Ministries and encourage them to visit this web site.
- Encourage your pastor to consider hosting a seminar or inviting His Way Out Ministries to speak at your church.
- Ask your church to consider adding His Way Out Ministries to its missions budget.
- Show our teaching DVD or Video: "Homosexuality and the Reality of Change" to your Sunday School class.
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Parent Support Group
February 1, 2010
Co-facilitated by Craig and Karen Fulwyler, our Parent Support Group will meet at Chester Avenue Community Church, 1509 South Chester Avenue in Bakersfield, from 7:00pm to 9:00pm. Picking up the pieces of life after receiving disturbing news is a difficult task. Do you feel you have faced the reality of your family's situation regarding homosexuality? Our Parent Support Group helps parents understand and face the complexities of emotions, actions and questions that all parents have upon learning of a child's homosexuality and meets on the first Monday evening of each month -7:00pm - 9:00pm.
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Video Series
Philip Lee Live Interview
His Way Out Ministries has opened His Way Out Vimeo Channel with an in-depth interview with Pastor Phillip Lee filmed on location at Television Jamaica.
His Way Out Vimeo Channel
The program, Religious HardTalk, is a hard-hitting, controversial and thought provoking series by renowned journalist Ian Boyne. Religious HardTalk delves into matters concerning the Church and religion with diverse guests in no holds barred, incisive discussions, debates and interviews.
Check it out today!
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For Wives Only!
Hope for Wives When Sexual Impurity Hits a Marriage
February 6th - Meetings are held on the first Saturday of each month from 9:00am to 11:00am at the His Way Out Ministries office. Has fierce loyalty to your spouse, as well as shame, insecurity and embarrassment kept you from sharing with family and friends? You are not alone! Please consider joining this group where you can experience support in a safe environment with biblical guidance, prayer and encouragement for your healing journey. Facilitated by Ginny Mitchell, For Wives Only meets faithfully on the first Saturday of each month - 9:00am - 11:00am.
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What Does the Bible Say About Homosexuality?
Free 36min MP3
Listen online to a presentation by Pastor Phillip Lee to the congregation of Parkside Church on the subject What Does the Bible Say About Homosexuality? You can Listen Online to the 6.2 MB, 36min, MP3 at this link.
Give it a few moments to begin downloading and it will play. Windows 95/98 users make sure your Windows Media Player (or other MP3 software) is up to date. Right-click and choose "Save Target As..." to save it on your computer. (If Internet Explorer attempts to save as .mpga you can change it to an .mp3 file type.) You can then play it later or copy it to any MP3 portable player.
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His Way Out Teaching Modules
Begining March 6, 2010
On March 6th, Pastor Phillip Lee will begin a teaching series titled Homosexuality and the Church. The series is designed to educate and equip the Body of Christ to minister to those who struggle with homosexuality. Addressing such topics as: How does God want us to see gay people? Why has the issue of homosexuality been so divisive to the Church? Who should we welcome into the Church? What do ex-gay people want to tell the Church? Beginning March 6th, meetings will continue on March 13th, and 20th with the series conclusion on March 27th. Each meeting will be held at Chester Avenue Community Church, 1509 South Chester Avenue in Bakersfield from 9:00am to 11:00am. Teaching materials will be provided and there is no fee for the series. To register your attendance or for more information, please contact the His Way Out Ministries office at (661) 321-9551 or email us.
Teaching Module Schedule
Homosexuality and the Church - March, 6, 13, 20, 27
- Why has the issue of homosexuality been so divisive to the Church?
- How does God want us to see gay people?
- Who should we welcome into the Church?
- Where can I find the Scriptures on homosexuality?
- What sends an ex-gay person back into the old lifestyle?
- What do ex-gay people want to tell the Church?
Now, It's Personal! - May 1, 8, 15, 22, 29, June 5
- How do I as a parent, a pastor, a friend, a Christian, respond to an individual confessing
they are gay?
- What do we know about homosexuality?
- Is homosexuality inborn?
- Is there a difference between acceptance and approval?
- As a parent, how do I go on after learning of my child's homosexuality?
- My husband is gay. Do I stay in the marriage?
- What are the most common pro-gay arguments?
- Where do we go from here?
Reaching Gay Youth - July 10, 17, 24, 31, August 7, 14
- So, what does a friendship with a "gay youth" look like?
- "I can change? How long is this going to take?"
- How do I begin a dialog with a gay youth?
- "What if people think I'm gay?"
- Want to connect with a youth? Be authentic.
Understanding Homosexuality - September 11, 18, 25, October 2, 9, 16
- Can homosexuals really change?
- How do I combat pro-gay arguments?
- How long does change take?
- Is there any scientific evidence to support the practice of homosexuality?
- Will the person become heterosexual?
- What are the root causes of homosexuality?
Sexual Purity? November 6, 13, 20
- Why is maintaining sexual purity so vital to the life of a Christian?
- What constitutes sexual immorality?
- How can a Christian walk in purity when temptation seems to be around every corner?
- Sexual purity? Shouldn't that be one way to recognize a Christian today?
All His Way Out Ministries "Teaching Modules" are designed and dedicated to raising awareness, educating and encouraging the Body of Christ to minister to those who struggle with homosexuality. As well, offering encouragement and support to individual strugglers, families and churches impacted by homosexuality. All Teaching Modules will be facilitated at Chester Avenue Community Church in Bakersfield, CA.
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Now on DVD and VHS Tape
Homosexuality and the Reality of Change
"We recently received, and watched, the video you sent us. It was excellent. We will be sharing it with other people at our church. One part that especially ministered to us was when Pastor Lee said from Philippians 1:6 that God is never going to give up His job of working in our life to conform us to the image of Christ. It helps makes sense of life's trials." Thank you for your ministry...Tom & Catherine
Homosexuality and the Reality of Change presents a biblical perspective on homosexual behavior with honesty and compassion. This 50 minute video contains information on: Can Homosexuals Really Change?, Will the Person Become Heterosexual?, How Long Does Change Take?, Exposing the Roots of Homosexuality, HIV and AIDS, Biblical and Scientific Evidence for Change, and much, much more.
This video is an excellent resource for teachers, churches, pastors, support group leaders, or anyone desiring a clear, comprehensive understanding of homosexuality.
The Good News of Jesus Christ and His love, acceptance, and forgiveness, His power to heal and restore has brought hope to many struggling with homosexuality. If you know someone struggling with same-gender attractions Homosexuality and the Reality of Change can help.
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Videos are available on DVD and VHS for only $19.95.
Use the Menu on the left to order using PayPal
or call us at 661-321-9551
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Check out the trailer on Vimeo!
If you have a slow internet connection, try the link below:
Reality of Change - Small Video
2min 38sec, 1.3MB, QT.mov (will open in a new window or tab)
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Love Won Out Conference
March 6, San Diego, CA
At the Love Won Out Conference, you'll hear from nationally known experts who have firsthand experience with the seldom-told side of the homosexual issue. You'll be equipped to minister in truth and compassion to a loved one who deals with same-gender attractions, respond to misinformation in our culture and defend biblical beliefs with grace and understanding. The Love Won Out Conference will be held on Saturday, March 6th at the Skyline Church in San Diego, CA. For more information about the Conference, please visit the event web page.
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Recommended Reading
God's Grace and the Homosexual Next Door
God's Grace and the Homosexual Next Door by Alan Chambers and the Leadership Team at Exodus International. With the increasing acceptance of same-sex attraction in our culture, many Christians are caught in the crossfire of sounding too harsh ("Homosexuality is worse than other sins!") or too accommodating ("As long as two people care about each other, nothing else matters"). Churches are also at a crossroads. How can they effectively reach out to homosexuals without compromising what the Bible says about same-sex intimacy? God's Grace and the Homosexual Next Door is a must for your library which provides believers with Christian and loving answers to the controversial issue of homosexuality. To obtain your copy, please visit Exodus Books.
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IT'S ABOUT LIFE
Food Ministry to Those Impacted by AIDS
AIDS profoundly impacts one's life whether that person has been infected by it or they are a family member or a friend of someone who has. The social stigmas, fears and especially the "aloneness" associated with AIDS makes it oppressive to live with. "IT'S ABOUT LIFE" is a crucial part of His Way Out Ministries. Because His Way Out Ministries is committed to compassionately communicating God's heart through a caring Christian community, His Way Out Ministries will be a receiving house for non-perishable food items. This will assist those with AIDS to maintain a balanced diet and good nutrition. Two major considerations in food donations for folks with AIDS are speed and ease of preparation. An appetite sometimes doesn't last long and the item has to be readily accessible and speedily prepared for the patient to be able to enjoy it.
We invite churches, companies, ministries, corporations, individuals, and the entire City of Bakersfield to join with us in caring. Offer your support by donating the below listed items.
| Canned tuna | Canned soups |
| Canned ravioli | Canned pasta products (e.g. SpaghettiO's) |
| Hamburger Helper | Peanut butter |
| Jams and jellies | Breakfast cereals |
| Breakfast bars | Fruit cocktail |
| Canned peaches | Top Ramen |
| Cup o' Noodle soups | Canned potatoes |
| Canned corn | Macaroni and cheese mixes |
| Rice 'o Roni type mixes | Chili beans |
| Tomato paste, Tomato sauce | Spaghetti sauce |
| Potted meats | Canned stews |
| Instant potato mixes (e.g. scalloped) | Instant oatmeal variety packs |
| Kleenex | Paper towels |
| Toilet paper | Popsicles (not frozen) |
| Instant breakfast drinks | Spaghetti |
His Way Out Ministries is located in The Haberfelde Building in downtown Bakersfield, California; 1412 17th Street, Suite 313. Items will be distributed in cooperation with other outreaches in our community. This is a continuous, on-going ministry. For further information, please call (661) 321-9551. God Bless You for your giving.
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His Way Out Ministries
Services
- Consultations
- Family Support Group
- Individual Prayer Ministry
- "Time Out" Discipleship Series
- Ministry Support Network
- Speakers available to address Christian groups
- "Moving On" Advanced/Closed Support Groups
- "It's About Life" Ministry to Those Impacted by AIDS
His Way Out Ministries is a referral ministry of Exodus International and continues to enjoy a strong ministry partnership with Exodus Global Alliance partnering with EGA in the development of ex-gay ministry in the Caribbean.
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