Welcome to His Way Out Ministries

December 2008 Highlights

Homosexuality: A Family Matter
By Pastor Phillip Lee

Usually, when homosexuality becomes known in a family, the greater attention and focus is normally placed on the individual that has announced his or her being gay. However, when homosexuality comes a knocking on your personal front door, it affects much more than just him or her. Immediately, the crisis becomes a family matter with the family having to work through the blow of learning of a child's homosexuality.

For Christian parents becoming aware of a child's homosexuality, it becomes very tempting to respond with "How can you be homosexual? You're a Christian!" Parents become immediately flooded with questions such as: What will people think? What did I do wrong? or How are we are going to deal with this?

Without a doubt, it is just as difficult for the individual to disclose their battle with same-gender attraction as it is for the family to hear. In the majority of cases, the individual struggling with same-gender attraction has been in an intense battle for a very long time especially if the individual is an adult. The very moment the admission comes out of the individual's mouth, all of the anxiety, turmoil, fear, shame, anger, disillusionment and more, is immediately transferred to the parents (family).

Parents naturally want to protect their children and rightfully feel a huge amount of responsibility for their lives. As a result, it is absolutely imperative that Christian parents establish boundaries when facing and dealing with a child's embracement of homosexuality. In their book Boundaries, Drs. Henry Cloud and John Townsend describe boundaries as "what define what is me and what is not me. A boundary shows me where I end and someone else begins, leading me to a sense of ownership."

Without a doubt, parents experience a huge amount of loss when they find out about a child's homosexuality. Almost immediately, grief, despair, disillusionment and fear surface launching parents into a process where they ultimately must give themselves permission to grieve and not pretend that nothing is wrong or that their world has been turned upside-down.

Every year, I receive numerous inquires for guidance from parents wanting to know what are some of the do's and don'ts when the holidays are fast approaching. During the holiday season, parents in particular become overwhelmed with the various looming scenarios related to a gay identified child coming home for Christmas and bringing "a friend." The line(s) between acceptance and approval, love and condoning a sinful behavior can often become a bit blurry and challenging during this time of the year.

Anita Worthen discusses the issue of inviting a child's partner for the holidays in her book Someone I Love is Gay. "Your child's partner is not the enemy. He or she is someone God loves - just as he loves your son or daughter." However, that doesn't mean you welcome the couple into your home as if nothing was wrong. Ignoring the obvious has a name - denial.

A good rule of thumb in ultimately coming to a decision of how to handle the situation is to ask, "How would I handle it if my child wanted to bring home an opposite-sex partner?" I believe the majority of Christian families would probably invite that person into their home, but clearly define the appropriate boundary line of separate sleeping arrangements. However, if parents are completely uncomfortable with the entire gay scenario, being honest is the very best policy for all involved. Because each family is unique, each family has to find a way to handle the various situations that will undoubtedly surface. There isn't one universal answer that works for everyone.

Frankly, there aren't any easy, pat answers for a family working through the awareness of a child's homosexuality. There are no magic cures, no shortcuts. However, God is more than able and willing to bring the entire family into a deeper, more intimate relationship with Him since the family, by God's own design, was designed to be a support system and a place of love and safety. Ultimately, only through a personal relationship with Jesus Christ and the indwelling presence of His Spirit, will any individual or family be enabled to overcome homosexuality and the many related issues.

Being a very practical individual, I encourage all parents (families) to consider that the crisis does not rest solely with the homosexual child. Within the mix of the various and numerous contributing factors to any individual struggling with same-gender attraction are family and relational issues the enabled the situation. Therefore, I believe parents, the family, need to be willing to (1) educate themselves on the homosexual behavior, (2) seek spiritual guidance for themselves, certainly their feelings and emotions, (3) be patient in embracing the reality that healing is a process and (4) release the child into the God's care. Admittedly, the last point is much easier said than done. However, it is when we let go of a child, a friend, or a spouse that we do stop taking responsibility for them but we do not stop fulfilling our responsibilities to them. Homosexuality is not just about an issue. This is about people - people that God loves and people for whom Jesus died.

When homosexuality surfaces in a family, it isn't just a child struggling with same-gender attraction; it is a family issue and needs to be healed within the family.

"The Lord also will be a refuge for the oppressed, a refuge in times of trouble." Psalm 9:9

Recommended Reading

Someone I Love is Gay by Anita Worthen and Bob Davies
This book gives easy to understand answers to the family members surrounding the homosexual. Many real-life examples are cited to help families understand and respond to their homosexual loved one in a compassionate way.

101 Frequently Asked Questions About Homosexuality by Mike Haley
In this book you will find answers to the most often asked questions about homosexuality from an expert on the subject - and a former homosexual himself.

When Homosexuality Hits Home by Joe Dallas
In this straightforward book, Christian author and counselor Joe Dallas offers practical, step-by-step advice on how to deal with the many conflicts and emotions experienced by parents, grandparents, siblings, and extended family members when they learn of a loved one's homosexuality.

All of the above mentioned books are available through the Exodus International website.

From All of Us at His Way Out Ministries...

Once again, at this very special time of year, we want to personally thank each and every one of you who faithfully support His Way Out Ministries with your prayers, participation and financial blessings. Truly, because of your faithfulness, His Way Out Ministries continues to reach out in the Name of Jesus to the wounded, broken and hurting.

Few ministries are as difficult to fund as those which seek "to reach" homosexual men and women with the healing power of Jesus Christ. And yet, His Way Out Ministries continues to received regular requests for help. We regularly receive email requests from England, Australia, Germany, India, Africa and certainly from all over the United States. Additionally, churches of various denominations ask us to come to their church and share testimony and facilitate seminars on ministering to those struggling with same-gender attraction.

Since its inception many, many years ago, His Way Out Ministries has been a faith-based ministry that does not charge for its services, but rather depends on the free-will giving of its partners. Sponsoring churches, individual donors, and generous donations from outside sources have seen our ministry do more than just meet our budget - but to grow and advance on all fronts. For this we give God praise.

Please consider a generous gift to His Way Out Ministries today. Pastors and church representatives, will you review your church's commitment to this ministry and check on the release of resources our way?

Your gifts and prayers enable us to continue this vital work. We appreciate your generosity. Our Lord richly bless and keep you!

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!

Prayerfully Yours,

Pastor Phillip Lee

Executive Director
His Way Out Ministries

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We Need Your Help!

His Way Out Ministries is one of the few places people can go for sensitive help regarding same-gender attraction and related issues. Your financial support enables us to fight the good fight. Without a doubt, we at His Way Out Ministries need to be stronger than ever, ready to face the challenge of this generation with truth and integrity. We are more committed than ever to proclaiming the Lord's transforming power through our lives, and equipping the Church to authenticate that healing. Your support helps us to make known the relevance of Jesus and His Church to broken lives. Would you please prayerfully consider sending a donation?

Send your check to:
His Way Out Ministries, 1412 17th Street, Suite 313, Bakersfield, CA 93301
(Checks should be made payable to His Way Out Ministries)

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Our Office and Support Groups Have Moved!

New Office Location

We have moved! For some time, His Way Out Ministries has been in need of additional office space for the daily facilitation of our ministry and room to grow. As a result, we have relocated our office to downtown Bakersfield, the Haberfelde Building, 1412 17th Street, Suite 313, Bakersfield, CA 93301. Our new phone number is (661) 321-9551.


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All of us at His Way Out Ministries remain truly grateful to Brimhall Road Assembly of God for the many, many years of housing our ministry. The congregation's generosity and contributions have been and remain significant.

New Support Group Location

Beginning Saturday, November 1, 2008, all His Way Out Ministries support groups will meet at Chester Avenue Community Church located at 1509 South Chester Avenue (corner of Ming Avenue and South Chester Avenue). Chester Avenue Community Church has been an integral part of His Way Out Ministries from our beginning and has graciously offered their facilities for the expansion and facilitation of our support groups. We are very grateful!


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Argument/Answer

Argument: Well, how do you explain me? I'm born again and I'm gay, and I take my Christian life just as seriously as you do!

Answer: Are you saying whatever a Christian does is okay because he's a Christian?

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Pastor Phillip Lee LIVE at UBC

On Sunday, October 10, 2007, Pastor Phillip Lee spoke to the congregation of University Baptist Church on the subject What Does the Bible Say About Homosexuality?

You can Listen LIVE to the 6.2 MB, 36min, MP3 at this link.

Give it a few moments to begin downloading and it will play. Windows 95/98 users make sure your Windows Media Player (or other MP3 software) is up to date. Right-click and choose "Save Target As..." to save it on your computer. (If Internet Explorer attempts to save as .mpga you can change it to an .mp3 file type.) You can then play it later or copy it to any MP3 portable player.

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Dear His Way Out Ministries...

"Thank you for your teaching on Freedom From Homosexuality. Your instruction was overwhelmingly appreciated. The counselors-in-training, as well as seasoned lay counselors, all came away with a better understanding and a new confidence regarding this sensitive subject matter." Debbie

"I am blessed. However, I really miss all the guys at His Way Out Ministries. If there would be anything I could say it would be 'persevere.' It seems to me God is serious now more than ever. No more lukewarm or carnal Christians. He is definitely weeding out the men from the boy's." Greg

"I love your newsletters and the stories of life-change that they contain. Recently, I listened to your message (on-line) when you were at University Baptist Church several months ago. It brought back many memories." Charles

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Coming Events

Maintaining and Restoring Sexual Purity
(A Discipleship/Support Group Series)

Maintaining and Restoring Sexual Purity is available to men that struggle with sexual and relational brokenness (heterosexual and homosexual), wives whose marriage has been impacted by pornography, adultery, or homosexuality, parents rebounding from the shock and dismay of a child or loved one involved in homosexuality, and individuals that desire to learn and equip themselves to be more effective in ministry to help those struggling with sexual brokenness.

Beginning Saturday, January 3, 2009, our meetings will be held on the 1st and 3rd Saturday of each month from 9am to 11am. If you're tired of fighting the battle alone and you are ready to take some major steps toward sexual purity, make plans to join us for Maintaining and Restoring Sexual Purity. For more information, or to register your interest in taking part in this life-changing experience, please contact His Way Out Ministries at (661) 321-9551.

Series Schedule

January 3 - Series Introduction

January 17 - Lesson 1 "A Sure Foundation: The Authority of Scripture"

February 7 - Lesson 2 "Grace vs. Performance"

February 21 - Lesson 3 "God's Plan for Human Sexuality"

March 7 - Lesson 4 "God the Father"

March 21 - Lesson 5 "How Did We Get Here"

April 4 - Lesson 6 "Sexual Identity Confusion"

April 18 - Lesson 7 "Grief, Disorientation, Loneliness"

May 2 - Lesson 8 "Emotional Dependency"

May 16 - Lesson 9 "Celibacy"

June 6 - Lesson 10 "Surviving Sex Abuse"

June 20 - Lesson 11 "Sexual Addiction"

July 18 - Lesson 12 "Pornography"

August 1 - Lesson 13 "Why People Remain in Sexual Sin" (Part One)

August 15 - Lesson 14 "Why People Remain in Sexual Sin" (Part Two)

September 5 - Lesson 15 "Failure and Condemnation"

September 19 - Lesson 16 "A Game Plan for Sexual Healing" (Part One)

October 3 - Lesson 17 "A Game Plan for Sexual Healing" (Part Two)

October 17 - Lesson 18 "A Game Plan for Sexual Healing" (Part Three)

November 7 - Lesson 19 "Using What We Know/Application"

November 21 - Lesson 20 "Christ In You"

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Video: Homosexuality and the Reality of Change

Homosexuality and the Reality of Change presents a biblical perspective on the homosexual behavior with honesty and compassion. The 50 minute video contains information on: Can Homosexuals Really Change?, Will the Person Become Heterosexual?, How Long Does Change Take?, Exposing the Roots of Homosexuality, HIV and AIDS, Biblical and Scientific Evidence for Change, and much, much more.

This video is an excellent resource for teachers, churches, pastors, support group leaders, or anyone desiring a clear, comprehensive understanding of homosexuality.

The Good News of Jesus Christ and His love, acceptance, and forgiveness, His power to heal and restore has brought hope to many struggling with homosexuality. If you know someone struggling with same-gender attractions Homosexuality and the Reality of Change can help.

Videos are available on VHS or DVD at a cost of $20.00. To order your video...give us a call today.

We recently received, and watched, the video you sent us. It was excellent. We will be sharing it with other people at our church. One part that especially ministered to us was when Pastor Lee said from Philippians 1:6 that God is never going to give up His job of working in our life to conform us to the image of Christ. It helps makes sense of life's trials. Thank you for your ministry...Tom & Catherine

Preview "Homosexuality and the Reality of Change"
2min 38sec, 1.3MB, QT.mov

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IT'S ABOUT LIFE
Food Ministry to Those Impacted by AIDS

AIDS profoundly impacts one's life whether that person has been infected by it or they are a family member or a friend of someone who has. The social stigmas, fears and especially the "aloneness" associated with AIDS makes it oppressive to live with. "IT'S ABOUT LIFE" is a crucial part of His Way Out Ministries. Because His Way Out Ministries is committed to compassionately communicating God's heart through a caring Christian community, His Way Out Ministries will be a receiving house for non-perishable food items. This will assist those with AIDS to maintain a balanced diet and good nutrition. Two major considerations in food donations for folks with AIDS are speed and ease of preparation. An appetite sometimes doesn't last long and the item has to be readily accessible and speedily prepared for the patient to be able to enjoy it.

We invite churches, companies, ministries, corporations, individuals, and the entire City of Bakersfield to join with us in caring. Offer your support by donating the below listed items.

Canned tuna Canned soups
Canned ravioli Canned pasta products, e.g.Spaghettio's
Hamburger Helper Peanut butter
Hamburger Helper Peanut butter
Jams and jellies Breakfast cereals
Breakfast bars Fruit cocktail
Canned peaches Top Ramen
Cup o' Noodle soups Canned potatoes
Canned corn Macaroni and cheese mixes
Rice 'o Roni type mixes Chili beans
Tomato paste, Tomato sauce Spaghetti sauce
Potted meats Canned stews
Instant potato mixes, e.g., scalloped Instant oatmeal variety packs
Kleenex Paper towels
Toilet paper Popsicles (not frozen)
Instant breakfast drinks Spaghetti

His Way Out Ministries is located in The Haberfelde Building in downtown Bakersfield, California; 1412 17th Street, Suite 313. Items will be distributed in cooperation with other outreaches in our community. This is a continuous, on-going ministry. For further information, please call (661) 321-9551. God Bless You for your giving.

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His Way Out Ministries Services

  • Consultations
  • Family Support Group
  • Individual Prayer Ministry
  • "Time Out" Discipleship Series
  • Ministry Support Network
  • Speakers available to address Christian groups
  • "Moving On" Advanced/Closed Support Groups
  • "It's About Life" Ministry to Those Impacted by AIDS

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How You Can Help His Way Out Ministries

  • Ask your pastor to check out our website.

  • Encourage your pastor to consider hosting a seminar or inviting His Way Out Ministries to speak at your church.

  • Ask your church to consider adding His Way Out Ministries to its missions budget.

  • Add His Way Out Ministries to your prayer list.

  • Tell your friends about His Way Out Ministries and encourage them to visit this web site.

  • Give to His Way Out Ministries, either a special one-time gift or on a monthly basis.

  • Show our teaching DVD or Video: "Homosexuality and the Reality of Change" to your Sunday School class.

Copyright © His Way Out Ministries

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